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Borderline and depressed, can we get along?

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Borderline and depressed, can we get along?

Postby faeriefate » Sat Dec 22, 2018 7:38 am

I have had severe depression since as long as I can remember (pretty much all my life). I'm well aware my upbringing doesn't help that. I don't like being in a room, quiet, with someone for any amount of time because I'm afraid that they're quietly seething at me, just trying to find a way to yell at me. I find comfort in my headphones, because then people can't talk to me, so they can't yell at me. I don't feel like I'm good enoguh at my job, like I'm faking it, and I'm waiting for them to realize it. The moment something starts to go wrong I want to either give up because "they're gonna kick me out anyways, might as well not try" (unknowing that I'm just giving them a reason to kick me out, and they weren't thinking about it before). I always self criticize and don't think anything I do is good enough, and when I do something good I want to show it off because "OMG! I'm not always a screw up!" (Which comes off as bragging).

And I bring that up because I believe my sister has BPD. All of the check boxes of, "Do you feel like this around this person?" are checked. When I go through the symptoms, I often say, "OMG, she's literally said these words to me!" I mean, it all fits. And obviously I can't diagnose her, but I definitely want to talk to her about asking a medical professional about that possibility (because if she has it she needs help before it damages her life any more than it has. There's real concern here for her ability to take care of herself, here)

But my real question is, how can me, a person with severe depression and is always on the defensive, maintain a healthy relationship with her, someone that at least shows many of the more... verbally aggressive signs of BPD and is always on the offensive? I usually just cut people off with mental health issues that I can't deal with, given that with my depression I'm more likely to stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships. But she's my sister, and I love her.

Everything comes off as an attack to her. I try to relate to her health issues, she think's I'm trying to one-up her. I try to understand what she's going through, and she goes off about how I can't possibly understand because my life has been "so great". I try to help her focus on something more cheerful when she's upset, then I'm attacking her and not accepting her problems. "No one else understands. No one likes me, and my life sucks." Pretty much feels like an all-encompassing quote from her.

I just need suggestions on what you think would be the best way to have a conversation with someone with BPD-like symptoms to not always put them on the offensive, especially when they seem to live on the offensive. Because I know I can't expect everyone in my life to work around my depression, but if you want to form a meaningful relationship with someone, you gotta try to work with their problems.
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Re: Borderline and depressed, can we get along?

Postby Pairou » Sun Dec 23, 2018 2:56 am

I feel better when people explain their intentions. Maybe educate yourself more on being a loved one of someone with BPD (many books on that).
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