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just totally fallen into a rut, any tips?

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just totally fallen into a rut, any tips?

Postby notsurewhatimdoing » Tue Dec 18, 2018 6:11 am

Totally new here. Actually, new to posting on any sort of online forum which seems weird given that i'm a millennial. Anyway. I have BPD + binge eating disorder +anxiety disorder +depression (I can't remember the exact diagnosis but I get depressed easily and frequently). I've just totally fallen off the wagon in terms of taking care of myself. I'm not using any of the DBT skills I learned (graduated from outpatient treatment January 2017) and just feel that fun BPD symptom of general emptiness. I don't know anyone with BPD, so while my few friends are supportive, I sense they get exhausted with my ups and downs, well actually I know they do. I mean even my family does. I really just don't have any close friends at this point, I've kinda driven them all away, and more so, they've continued on with their lives while I'm nearly 3 years post grad and still living at home. And I know life will be somewhat easier once I have a job in my field and have moved out and am taking care of myself and working out and keeping my spaces tidy, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything to work towards those goals. I just keep feeling like it's too late. Like the damage that Ive done to my life is done and there's no way I can get to where I want to be, you know? idk. Idk what I'm even hoping for in posting this. Can anyone else relate? maybe it's less a bpd thing and more about anxiety. But I mean I'm totally trying to self-soothe in unhealthy ways, ie binge eating, and impulse buying. i don't know. I just feel totally alone and lost. And now I've actually got this incredible opportunity to work abroad and all I have to do is respond to an email but I'm freaked out. Anyone ever feel idk scared of things going right? Like I said, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here, but I guess, does anyone have any tips? thx
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Re: just totally fallen into a rut, any tips?

Postby jaus tail » Wed Dec 26, 2018 4:58 pm

I'm studying post grad at 28 n the other students are 22-24, so i feel old n out of place. all my friends have moved on with their lives. it's vacation at uni and i'm at home. i asked a few friends if they want to meet, but none of them replied positively.

they're all tired of my mood swings. even i'm tired of my mood swings.

at the uni i go to gym n often i feel 'what am i doing? what's the point? i'm 28 n it's so late.'
but it's there's no other option. at times the classmates joke about my age n i get angry.

i mostly avoid them and stay alone at the uni. it's very lonely n i get bored. often i get jealous when i see a group of friends at uni. i miss my old friends.

regarding the email, i think you should go. for yourself. it'll be a good experience for your own life. for yourself. an opportunity to have fun. not to get some life changing experience, but maybe to live a little.
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Re: just totally fallen into a rut, any tips?

Postby RamadanSteve » Sat Dec 29, 2018 2:26 am

Motivation doesn't just pop out of thin air, you have to actually start doing things to become motivated. I know that sucks and its a catch 22 but that's life. And no, it's not really a BPD thing, don't blame your problems on BPD, that won't get you anywhere, just work on bettering yourself, ###$ labels. And take respond to that ######6 email RIGHT ######6 NOW, jesus christ I would kill for something like that. I will seriously be so pissed if you don't take advantage of that.
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