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BPD vs NPD

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BPD vs NPD

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:27 am

*DISCLAIMER: I know no one on this forums has the ability to or can diagnose. I am not asking for that. I would just appreciate some outside perspective on the issue.*

Hello, some of you may know me as an on and off poster on this forum for a few years now. I was officially diagnosed as being Borderline last year when I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for suicidal ideation. However, before my diagnosis, I had already known what Borderline was. This was because I had been trying to figure out what was wrong with my abusive mother, and personality disorders seemed to fit the bill. I also have OCD, and for those who do not know, it can cause sufferers to latch onto ideas that scare the hell out of them and obsess over these things non-stop. One of the fears I had was that I was a narcissist. Now, 99.9% of the time these fears are not true when it comes to OCD. However, I am still worried that NPD could be a potential problem for me.

I say this because I believe I do have narcissistic traits. I definitely know that at times I have grandiose thoughts. However, I also know that I go into extreme downward spirals of dispair, self-hate, and hopelessness. I have a lot of nasty thoughts about people that are extremely judgmental and sometimes just plain mean. I obsess over these thoughts a lot and believe they mean I am a bad person. I am constantly obsessed with my self-image because I truly do not know who I am. One minute i’m on top of the world, and the next i’m a door mat. I don’t want to be a narcissist. I don’t want to be evil. I wish I knew who I was, however I believe there is just a really scary person inside of me who is terribly unlovable and that person must be hidden.

I know a huge indicator of NPD is no empathy. I can say for certain I do not lack empathy in an emotional sense. I am very sensitive to watching people get hurt or are in pain. But also for some weird reason I enjoy watching gore and horror movies. I also have instances of feeling guilt when I have said something horrible to a person or even while I am having rage thoughts in my head of attacking someone or saying something really mean. But there is another part that tells me to lash out, that WANTS me to do bad. It’s almost like a sick form of self-harm but it hurts others around me as well.

My head is a scary place. I hate it in here. I feel like that’s why I try to escape it and look outside of myself via people, food, splurging money, addiction, etc. I can’t cope with the constant shifts of good to bad. I can’t Handle not knowing myself but also hating myself BECAUSE I don’t know myself. But when I am on an upper, I definitely feel grandiose. I feel like I am better than others, or that I want to be or that I am special, or that I wish all the attention was on me... but I don’t want that to be a thing. And it’s not a consistent thing either. I’m just too up and down. Either self-pity and feeling like a victim, or feeling like I’m a bad ass who doesn’t give a ###$. I feel like I am just so confused as to who I am as a person however I’m also scared to find out who I am. I am TERRIFIED of the unknown.
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Re: BPD vs NPD

Postby Pairou » Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:01 am

For what it's worth, it doesn't really sound like NPD at all (to me)... it sounds like BPD.
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Re: BPD vs NPD

Postby rockyroadrun » Wed Dec 12, 2018 11:58 am

What do you think about this then: BDP or NPD (or both or something else)?

-bisexual male
-can't take any crticisim, seriously like not at all, not even something little, reacts strongly and with anger if he gets just a little negative feedback (for example from his customers when he is working)
-is married but cheats on his wife constantly with several people (he has some kind of romantic playing going on with several people, he has a huge harem which consists of at least 50 people and all of them are in love with him because he lies that he loves them too, most of the harem members don't know about other harem members)
-he is not mean, doesn't put other people down on purpose, but he however does hurt many people by lying and cheating
-he seems to be really addicted to getting loving from his harem, he is really romantic himself

there might be other symptoms as well but these I know.. The harem and the size of it is really sickening.. what kind of person does this kind of things?
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Re: BPD vs NPD

Postby Pairou » Wed Dec 12, 2018 12:30 pm

Rockyroadrun, that sounds like this guy has a lot of issues... I'm not a doctor by any stretch though, so I couldn't say for sure. That's a whole lot of people!
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Re: BPD vs NPD

Postby Solowolfpack » Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:35 pm

The good news is it doesn’t really matter that much, most of the same techniques are used to treat both so if you are diagnosed BPD it will not make a difference in the type of therapy you get. I’m NPD, I’m NOT evil and I also definitely have a good dose of borderline in there along with anti social features so it’s pretty common
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