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Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

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Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:22 pm

Like seriously... why can I not have one relationship where it won’t fail and I won’t be rejected, abandoned, used or won’t have to abandon someone else first? I feel like I was only put on this planet to be a laughing stock or some sort of weird sick joke that others could watch self-destruct and ruin his life.

I want love. I want someone there for me. I feel like I will never get that and I feel unsafe everyday. I self-harm constantly because the negative voice in my head is amplified when I am alone. I even feel alone in this website when people don’t respond to my posts. Everything just feels too overwhelming.
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby Pairou » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:14 am

Most of my relationships were awful, until I met my wife. It is possible; it just takes a lot of work from both sides. I actually met her online on a mental health forum.

You aren't destined for failed relationships. You just keep trying and don't give up on yourself.

Be kind to yourself xx
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:24 am

Pairou wrote:Most of my relationships were awful, until I met my wife. It is possible; it just takes a lot of work from both sides. I actually met her online on a mental health forum.

You aren't destined for failed relationships. You just keep trying and don't give up on yourself.

Be kind to yourself xx


Thank you for your words of encouragement. It makes me feel a lot better to know someone understands.
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby Pairou » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:27 am

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:Thank you for your words of encouragement. It makes me feel a lot better to know someone understands.


It gets better. It just doesn't feel like it will, but it does.
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby RamadanSteve » Mon Dec 03, 2018 11:20 pm

I know I've been kind of a jerk to you on these boards, I feel bad about it and I'd like to rectify it. My advise to you is that you need to find something else other than relationships to give yourself value. I have music and writing when all else fails. I'm horrible with relationships because of my paranoia and fear of abandonment/betrayal which is unfair to whoever I'm in a relationship. I'm sure you have a lot of potential in other areas, just don't rely on relationships to fill that empty void in your heart, rely on yourself. You're enough as you are, you don't need to be completed by someone else. I know you're going through a tough time, my heart goes out to you.
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby shapeshifting » Tue Dec 18, 2018 9:42 pm

I struggle with this feeling, too. I just ended another relationship because I felt it unfair of me, being so horribly emotionally unavailable and continuing to choose other unavailable people. I think in short, we are..... very fragmented, terribly pained people. We have an attachment disorder, which is an offshoot of an intimacy disorder so we don't attach in a healthy way to other people. We aren't even attached to ourselves and hardly know nor like who we are! We have to start with ourselves, hon. Healthy attached people have an idea of who they are and are relatively securely connected with their partners due to their own contentment with self. We can't do much until we get to that point OR until we find someone securely attached and this is very difficult as we don't tend to attract them. Securely attached people meet us and run the other way at the first sign of dysfunction, as they should. We have to do a bit of work it seems. :(
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby KingPingX » Sat Dec 29, 2018 7:55 pm

If you are a pwBPD then you tend to push away those people that get close to you. You fear abandonment, so you sabotage relationships before they go to far in order to protect yourself from the pain of losing someone that is really really close to you.

So you kind of destroy it ... and then feel like a victim. Thats what I know of BPD - they push away what they want most.
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Re: Why are all my relationships destined to fail?

Postby 10acious1974 » Tue Jan 01, 2019 10:40 am

I feel the same. I am struggling with a breakup now. We both have to fix our lives but it seems that I am the only willing to do it by myself. She keeps looking for a savior. We have split up 5 times and each time we get back together she is worse off than before. I know I can’t help her with her stuff but she is the only real connection I have right now. I love her to death but I keep telling her I’ll do something and then I don’t follow through. I don’t know if I’m ready to let go just yet but I don’t see any reason to even fight for this except for the fact that I would do anything for her.
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