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Pushed away another girl......cycle continues

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Pushed away another girl......cycle continues

Postby lightwithin » Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:52 am

I had an embarrassing BPD episode with a girl I met recently, and I would like to share it with you all as maybe I'll learn some new coping strategies.

I met this woman on a dating site & we got into a nice communication flow then she just disappeared for 10 days. She suddenly messages me back & says she's been busy but she met someone that she's been hanging out with, although she asked if I wanted to meet up.

We started texting & instantly hit it off then met up, and spent the entire day together.
I originally established that I just wanted to be friends b/c she talked about this girl she met that she has feelings for but it's not going to work out as this other girl isn't serious, so I had reservations.

After we hung out for the day she gets home & texts me asking if we could hang out again & possibly cuddle, which I agreed against my better judgement, mainly b/c our chemistry is intense & she's gorgeous.
She started texting me every morning at 9am & we talked throughout the entire day, and made several plans to go on different dates. She assured me she will not hang out or sleep with that other girl & I believed her.
We had a picnic together in the park & got cozy together & kissed.
Then the next day she didn't text me in the morning as she has been for days, so I wait. I didn't hear from her so I texted her & she replies she's been busy & her back hurts. I asked her why her back hurts & she never replied, 5 hours passes & no message back.
I texted her & she gives me a lame excuse that she didn't get my last text, and I thought she was talking again with that girl so I told retracted & told her I just wanted to be friends only, which is what I should have stuck with. She replied she's okay with only being friends but that she doesn't want to hurt me as I have very sensitive heart.
I assured her I could handle being only friends but then she started flaking on our plans which angered me & I felt rejected.
I told her I don't want flakes in my life plus I said other mean things because I wanted to hurt her as she had hurt me.
I made it impossible for her to want me in her life, even though her actions showed me she didn't really want a platonic friend. I burned the bridge again.
Maybe she just didn't want to talk that day but I assumed she was talking to that other girl again, and I pushed her away quickly & was verbally mean.

Any suggestions on how I could have handled this whole situation differently?
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Re: Pushed away another girl......cycle continues

Postby Una+ » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:48 pm

lightwithin wrote:Any suggestions on how I could have handled this whole situation differently?

Yes. Stop acting on your projections. Projection is where you make assumptions about other people based on your own behaviors or fears. Example: she didn't text you constantly = she is seeing someone else.

There are training programs developed specifically for persons with BPD, that help a great deal with issues like this.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: Pushed away another girl......cycle continues

Postby RamadanSteve » Sat Nov 17, 2018 12:09 pm

I think the only thing you really did wrong was yell at her and do nasty things. Sometimes friendships/relationships don't work out the way you want them too, but you can't be overly cruel because of that. I'm sure it didn't feel good to treat her like that. Personally, whenever I've lashed out at people like that I usually ended up feeling really guilty and that the person didn't deserve to be treated like that.
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