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What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

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What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

Postby star dust » Thu Nov 01, 2018 10:36 pm

For me, abandonment, and fear of it, feels like the worst pain in the world. It’s like I’m a baby that only knows it’s Mother and loves her dearly and then the Mother violently beats me until I’m black and blue, puts me in a black bag and leaves me out on the street to die. I can’t move or help myself. All I can do is scream and cry and feel like I’m suffocating in pain. Or it feels like falling down a deep dark hole that is so deep it goes down miles and miles, trying desperately to claw onto something but there is nothing. No way out. No one to rescue you. No one that can hear your screams. It feels like being buried alive.
What does it feel like to you?
Just interested. I think people fail to realise just how bad it is. Maybe if people knew they’d understand more and not just think we’re crazy, manipulative and nasty head f*cks... just for the sake of it...
Maybe if people really understood what that pain and fear feels like, they might empathise more...
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Re: What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

Postby jaus tail » Mon Nov 12, 2018 7:15 pm

for me it feels like i'm suffering. the other day a classmate said he's try to leave uni next year. i felt anxiety after that. it's not like i'm even friends with this classmate, but i just felt like he shouldnt go.

this would happen at my work place too. if any colleague left the firm, i'd freak out even if i wasnt friends with them.
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Re: What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

Postby scharah » Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:29 am

Well, I actually have been abandonded by basically everyone I used to know, plus "society" and it feels just as bad as one would guess so the fear of it is only human. Most nights I have dreams of the good old days (10-15 years back) when I still had support network and then wake up to the crap py nightmare that is my life.
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Re: What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

Postby star dust » Sat Dec 01, 2018 12:32 am

I am sorry, I keep doing this. I create a thread then almost instantly forget I’ve done it. I can’t even really remember writing this. Jaus tail, I get that too. Even if I’m not really close with that person. I get used to people. I also feel like all the people around me make up who I am so if one leaves it’s gonna change who I am.. sigh.

Scharah me too... me too... except I never really had a support network before. Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.
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Re: What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

Postby RamadanSteve » Sat Dec 01, 2018 10:19 pm

If its someone close to me then intense anger and vindication if I don't feel like
I deserve it but emptiness and self loathing if I feel like I did.
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Re: What does fear of abandonment feel like to you? *tw

Postby LithiumLondon » Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:08 pm

Hi,

I have just posted about my current state of absolute crisis over a fear of abandonment. So I thought it would help to write it out, how I am feeling right now. Which is horrible.

I am dissociating - I can't hear properly and feel as though I am floating, unable to access rational thought or behave reasonably, to the point that people are noticing and asking if I'm OK. I just burst into tears on a colleague I barely know.

I am tears, feel hot, crawling and sick with fear. I am constantly on the lookout for signs that I am correct that I am being abandoned - such as a magpie flying overhead, the absence of a whatsapp status, the constant replaying of 'evidence' from the last six months. I feel like I know exactly how the other person is feeling and I expect at any moment the email/ text saying "I don't want to be with you any more". This despite having just spent a lovely holiday together.

I am abjectly unhappy and cannot control my thoughts, my emotions are overwhelming me to the point of vomiting. In the past I have bombarded the person I am fixating on with messages, but now I try not to do that and have not (and will not) any more.

The thing is, I have been like this before and EVERY time it has been OK. I receive validation - just a text message - and I am immediately high as a kite: laughing and dancing, to the point that people notice and comment. I cannot hold this in my head though, and so I am stuck in this fear, reliant on the validation of another person to feel OK.

I have no coping strategies.

I'm sorry if this made anyone feel bad. Or worse. Just sharing.
Thank you for reading.

LL
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