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issues with dad

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issues with dad

Postby themissingme » Wed Oct 17, 2018 9:30 am

I think I am still very upset at my dad
I wish that he can care about me for real
I wish that he would have showed that he cares about me when he saw me hitting my head on the closet (accidentally)
I wish that he would have lended his passport to the custom when they figured out that I bought some meat item across the border.. I remember when he hesitated, brought the passport out and then he kept it.. if it was my brother he would never have done that
I wish that he would have showed that he care when I told him about my tutor hitting me on my fingers using a ruler..
I wish that he did care about me at all
I wish that he did love me
I wish that he could have gave me a hug when he saw that I was upset but not to say that I was crazy
I wish that he could have asked if I was okay after I came back to HK
I wish that he would have cared enough to want to know how have I been doing
I wish that I had a dad
I wish that he did care about me at all
I wish that he would have showed me that he has any concerns about me except picking on me or judging me or emotionally abused me when he was emotionally overwhelmed
he had totally messed up my childhood and he had totally ruined my trust in guys..
it's difficult for me to trust others, especially guys
it takes time for me to build that up
I wish that
he would have cared about me for real
I wish that
someone could have cared about me for real
I wish that I could have felt the love and care from his eyes
but I never did

all I had was emotionally abuse, judgement, neglect and lashing out his anger on me
I grew up feeling angry, hurt and dissappointed..
lonely and frustrated
:-/

I want to burried all of my feelings and expectations that I had for my dad
I want to just start fresh and have no expectations in someone new
I want to just let go of all of these negative feelings that I had from my dad, he has ruined me enough and I don't want to let him ruin my "present'.. I want to start fresh with a blank sheet of paper..

start to believe again, and hopefully I will be able to find somone new
and not let my past pain and expectations ruin how I feel towards the next person. :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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themissingme
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