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mad at my manager

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mad at my manager

Postby themissingme » Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:04 am

I think I projected my need of approval, and see my manager as a mother figure (my mother at work)
I want her to be complimenting me. I want her to accept me as a friend (used to)
I want her to acknowledge my effort and hardwork
I need her support when I am struggling
I need her recognition

I am mad because she is no longer feeling happy for my success
she is no longer happy with me, my accomplishment, my achievement, and she would prefer to have those who are not as good around her.. in the past two years, I have been working along side her.. and she is no longer happy with what I can offer.. apart from the values that I brought in
when I was not as mature/ when I was less experienced, she is more comfortable around me.. she would be happier for my success... but not anymore..

I am not happy that she is no longer "approving" me..
no longer accepting or acknowledging me..
I am sad I am upset I am mad at her
I am feeling hurt too.. when she is not giving me much attentions as before..

maybe I need to shift my focus on working hard for MYSELF but not for anyone.
and seek out to my mum for the reassurance, support and acknowledgement
it shouldn't be my manager who's giving me this and that
so I will be less upset in the end
:cry:
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby jaus tail » Mon Oct 15, 2018 7:51 am

i think we all seek approval to some extent. it may not be direct appreciation but it can take the form of:
a raise at work after working late night to meet deadlines
good grades given by professor after studying hard
good physique after exercising regularly.

so its natural to expect appreciation or validation.

recently i wrote an assignment at university n it took me quite some effort to write that assignment. i was dreaming that the professor would praise me before entire class.

that never happened though...
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby kah80 » Mon Oct 15, 2018 5:44 pm

I have the same issues. I got overly attached to my previous manager and made her into my Favourite Person, which meant I had a complete meltdown when she told me she was leaving. I still see her around as she just changed roles and it’s really hard. I tried to talk to her again recently because I felt like my new manager doesn’t care but she told my new manager so it’s got a bit complicated.

I’m trying to be better with the new one and she’s making sure I don’t get attached to her, but it’s hard for me to stop myself from trying to make her into a parental figure.
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby themissingme » Wed Oct 17, 2018 9:35 am

yah I know..
it sucks to be naturally wanting to form the bond with the manager/ and see them as our attachment figure, to be our parents
because we were so neglected when we were young
it's like there a deep hole inside of our hearts wanting to make that real connections whenever we see any human being that we can project our parental figures onto..

and the hole will always be there no matter what
it sucks
:-/

-- Wed Oct 17, 2018 5:37 pm --

I am totally projecting my needs of a mum towards my manager.. when she gives other people attentions, I would be upset
I would be jealous
and I ALWAYS want her to be happy for me
give me the attention
give me the love

which should all be projecting back to my mum
but not my manager :-/
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby kah80 » Sat Oct 20, 2018 12:57 pm

Yeah I feel the same. It’s tough. I always want my managers’ attention.
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby themissingme » Tue Oct 23, 2018 2:11 pm

it's tough..
I really did project my needs and desires towards my mum onto my manager
I wish that my manager would accept me, see that I am useful/ valuable, give me more attention
appreciate me..
one of my teammate left earlier and I blamed her for it.. because I know she somewhat pushed him away so that he ended up leaving the firm.
I didn't like it and I was/ or still am mad at her
it's a very intense and contradicting feeling.. part of me want my manager's acceptance and approval.
Part of me hate that she gave me and the ex colleague pressure thats why he left the business

though it's not entirely the real cause but maybe partial reason.
I am mad and upset that my ex colleague left so I blame my manager for it
because she pressured us out of her own stress couple weeks before he left

I am still mad a little.. I am mad that I don't get much attention now.. I am mad that I am not the favourite "child" because I am more grown up
I am mad and hurt and upset
I want more attention from her

it's more like I want more attention from my real mum, who couldn't give me much consistently so I am projecting all of this unmet needs onto my manager
I know this is not right and not fair but I just can't help it..
except typing it out on this forum

so that I can reason with myself that this is not okay that I blame it on my manager
who is innocent in this case.. my ex colleague didn't plan to stay for his life anyway.. it was only a trigger that pushed him to leave earlier..

so it wasn't my manager's fault

and I can't expect my manager to give me all the attention when she needs to train up the junior staff...
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby jaus tail » Tue Oct 23, 2018 6:33 pm

i think to some extent we all put our needs at places where they aren't expected.
at university there is a professor who talks a lot about random stuff with the students. he does a lot of small talk. i guess its cause he doesnt have anyone to talk with back home.

its like if your stomach is already full you wont cook more food.

even i crave validation. i often help my classmates at uni with their assignments, only to get their validation that 'i'm so helpful'

its like i want others to like me. their validation is my oxygen.
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Re: mad at my manager

Postby themissingme » Sat Oct 27, 2018 6:20 am

I feel you, I want to be helpful because I want to be accepted and liked also :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
User avatar
themissingme
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