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adult sibling

Postby Clinewriter » Thu Oct 04, 2018 2:08 pm

I've been reading these posts with great interest. My adored sister (we are both adults) has borderline personality disorder. Or at least we think so, but as an adult, she refuses to seek any help. She has recently cut off her adult daughter because she did not want her daughter to have anything to do with me, including phone calls, visits, etc (her daughter and I love each other). And she has cut off me because she asked me not to have anything to do with her daughter at all. She threatens me with lawsuits, she writes the most vicious letters. She's returned gifts I sent her cut up with scissors or mangled and she lies constantly.

Whatever way I try to help backfires. If I try to reach out, I'm screamed at or insulted. What interested me was many of you talk about the BDP being the black sheep. My sister was the angel of the family growing up, really, really close to our mom (in what I thought was an unhealthy way) and I was the one who was the black sheep because I chose to live away from home, leave my husband and remarry and become something successful--something women didn't do. Our mom died two years ago, and it's all gotten much worse.

Right now, my sister's daughter and I have no contact with my sister and while it's easier, I love my sister and I don't know what to do or how to patch things up if possible. We live in different states and she calls me "the thing who calls herself a sister."

Any advice would be so welcome.
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Re: adult sibling

Postby peanut1614 » Wed Nov 07, 2018 9:51 pm

I have a sister that is like that as well... my nieces and nephew are not allowed to speak to me or my children because she tells them that we all hate them. As hard as it is, and as much as it hurts the best decision for myself and my family was to stop contact. It sounds like you don't have much contact now, and for your sake you may want to keep it that way. I am sure that you love your sister, as I love mine, but sometimes you have to love them from a distance. Let her know you will always be there for her, and you love her, but until she gets help you have to keep your distance. One day she may come around..
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Re: adult sibling

Postby jaus tail » Sat Nov 10, 2018 8:52 pm

there was a time when i used to hate my caretaker because of her neglectful behavior. eventually i realized its a scary world n we all make mistakes. i still get angry at her when i look at her or when i think of her past behavior. but i try to be calm now. even i've made many mistakes in life.

maybe it'll take time for your sister to turn around. maybe she never will. its ok. right now give her the space she's seeking. maybe she has her own reasons for her behavior. if you insist on being on talking terms with her, she'll further get angry.
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