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How to tell someone you're seeing about BPD

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How to tell someone you're seeing about BPD

Postby liv7496 » Wed Oct 03, 2018 10:54 pm

So this might seem really silly but I've been struggling really hard with how to word my condition to the person I like. It's turned into a really weird situation between us where I don't really know what is going on. We started seeing each other about 4/5 months ago and when we first met we were super affectionate with each other and he treated me so well, would make me feel very special and cared for, but he met me at a really low point in my life where I had suffered some pretty bad abuse about a month before hand, and he met me just as I fell into big downward spiral; I was using some really negative language towards myself, I was self harming, starving myself, and had the paramedics turn up at my house twice due to attempted overdoses - essentially he just met me at the worst time possible.

I remember at one point he stopped by to grab his headphones that he'd left here and I was having a really bad episode, crying and scratching my arms a lot, he tried to hug me and I physically pushed his arms off from around me - I still feel really guilty about that. I'm scared that it looked like I didn't want his help but I was just really scared of him offering it and then taking it away.

Things between us since have slightly cooled off as you can imagine, I mean we still see each other a lot but I can fully sense - and understand why - I may have scared him off a bit but I'm very intent on showing him that I am not always that way, and that it truly is part of my condition and not just what I'm like all the time, you know? I have asked him if he knows what BPD is before and he said yes, to which I replied ''That is me. I am BPD. BPD is me'' or something like that, because I struggle with outright saying that ''I have BPD'' as it gets such a bad rep. He said he knew what it was but I'm not fully sure he does, and I really want to be able to explain my actions to him without him thinking that I'm being over dramatic or trying to get his sympathy or something.

I'm worried he's gonna put me into the category of just his friend and it'll be yet another relationship that I have managed to trash with my #######5 mood swings and that I'm destined to have this sort of stuff happen forever. I am only 22 but, obviously, I find it hard to not think in absolutes, haha. He is noticing that I've started to level out a lot more since I've been getting help through therapy and stuff but I'm still just so unsure of where I stand with him, I'm not even sure if we're still seeing each other anymore? He's still affectionate but not as much as before, we still kind of have the same relationship but it's just been clearly affected by my actions. I just wish he hadn't met me then.
Basically anyone who could help me I'd be eternally greatful. Thank you x
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