I think there are several reasons for me to be still single.. at the age of 33, turning 34 in less than 2 months
I am sure that's part of me that no longer believes in love
a part of me that has broken since each break-up.. pieces of me must have broken every time a relationship ended leading to a point when I no longer have trust in love..
no longer trust that people would love me for who I am (if they do, why did they leave?)
no longer think that I am worthy for someone to love me?
no longer believe in love can last
as a result, I would always go for people that are out of my league resulting in not matching up to what they are looking for, just to prove that I am "not worthy" and people will eventually leave me because "I am not good enough"
I know that I have lost the courage to love, lost the courage to believe again, lost the courage to trust that people would love me anymore.. that's why I am stuck with people that are not sincere towards me, when they don't love me for real. They don't care about me for real. because they are like me, they are also broken inside, and have lost the faith in love.
they also lost the ability to love.. because they once fell so deeply in love but their love was not being returned, they were betrayed.. so it ends up to a point where they no longer believe in love..
dear God.. please fix that part of me.. please heal my brokeness.. so that I would have the heart and courage to trust that I am worthy, to have the energy to give love.. because I want to, not because I have to or want anything in return.
dear God.. please cure me..
and restore my broken hopes.
and yes cognitively I know that relationships end do not mean that I am not good enough, it only means that we are not compatible and our needs are not being met. there is no good or bad, no good enough or worthy or not.. I guess I am tired of all these pain.. and I need some time to pick myself up again, so that I have enough courage to believe in love again :-/