still single because I am broken inside

I think there are several reasons for me to be still single.. at the age of 33, turning 34 in less than 2 months

I am sure that's part of me that no longer believes in love
a part of me that has broken since each break-up.. pieces of me must have broken every time a relationship ended leading to a point when I no longer have trust in love..
no longer trust that people would love me for who I am (if they do, why did they leave?)
no longer think that I am worthy for someone to love me?
no longer believe in love can last
as a result, I would always go for people that are out of my league resulting in not matching up to what they are looking for, just to prove that I am "not worthy" and people will eventually leave me because "I am not good enough"

I know that I have lost the courage to love, lost the courage to believe again, lost the courage to trust that people would love me anymore.. that's why I am stuck with people that are not sincere towards me, when they don't love me for real. They don't care about me for real. because they are like me, they are also broken inside, and have lost the faith in love.
they also lost the ability to love.. because they once fell so deeply in love but their love was not being returned, they were betrayed.. so it ends up to a point where they no longer believe in love..

dear God.. please fix that part of me.. please heal my brokeness.. so that I would have the heart and courage to trust that I am worthy, to have the energy to give love.. because I want to, not because I have to or want anything in return.

dear God.. please cure me..
and restore my broken hopes.

and yes cognitively I know that relationships end do not mean that I am not good enough, it only means that we are not compatible and our needs are not being met. there is no good or bad, no good enough or worthy or not.. I guess I am tired of all these pain.. and I need some time to pick myself up again, so that I have enough courage to believe in love again :-/

I know how you feel, I've always struggled to hold on to relationships. It's hard to keep telling yourself it isn't you... cause what if it is?!

RamadanSteve wrote:Do you believe in life after love??

I don't know. I want to believe that you shouldn't need another person to enjoy life and live it.

^i have this problem.i don't get what is the point of anything or even living if you are alone emotionally.
I mean maybe i get it a little if you have a passion for something.

The crazy thing is most people are broken inside in some way or another. Most people just hide it away, but most of the time you will find something if you really look.

Well. As my therapist said, if you look too deep, you begin to find things that may not even be there. Well, most of the time you find the things you want to find. So that means i like to find out how broken other people are?

I know the feeling of being broken inside, but while it may look like a small comfort, i live with the knowledge that most people are broken inside.

Because the real problem is not how you are broken inside, but that you believe that there is noone who can relate or that other people obviously are not broken inside. Which is not the truth.

That's life. It's broken but somehow you live with it every day.

For enjoying some broken people who somehow get through life, I recommend watching BoJack Horseman on Netflix. BoJack himself i suppose actually has BPD, at least a serious case of substance abuse.

It is scary how much i can relate to the characters sometimes.

[quote="thejan"]The crazy thing is most people are broken inside in some way or another. Most people just hide it away, but most of the time you will find something if you really look.

Because the real problem is not how you are broken inside, but that you believe that there is noone who can relate or that other people obviously are not broken inside. Which is not the truth.

That's life. It's broken but somehow you live with it every day.


Thanks thejan, it's comforting and relieving to know that I am not alone, broken by myself.
you are right that we are all broken in some ways, and if we all look deep into it, we will definitely reveal the brokeness from each person.
I guess I am lonely, and I am dying to connect with someone who understands how I am feeling deep down. We are all broken some ways or another, and I just have to live with it, reach out more to people who can connect with me. :-/

Autumn218 wrote:^i have this problem.i don't get what is the point of anything or even living if you are alone emotionally.
I mean maybe i get it a little if you have a passion for something.

I think that is the key. Finding passion for something other than another person.

I don't know how to find passion.
and even if you do at times you wouldn't want to feel alone again.

Autumn218 wrote:I don't know how to find passion.
and even if you do at times you wouldn't want to feel alone again.

I guess passion comes from emotions.. one has to be feeling intensely about something? and passion mean when we like something a lot?