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Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

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Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby cirkusrat » Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:04 pm

Good evening and thanks in advance to those out there who might take some time of theirs to read this post.
I'm wondering if anyone else on here is doing or has done this too? It's about self-destructive behavior caused by BPD. For me, it varies which "method" of self-harm/self-destructive behavior I turn to in order to try and soothe the inner chaos and emptiness and pain etc.. But a method I keep returning to is restricting my calorie intake. I have done this before and currently am, and I have been doing this for about two months or so at this point of time. I think one of the reasons I keep returning to this unhealthy pattern is that I know it will eventually harm myself. A great big part of my BPD is the craving of attention, care and love from others, and I'm convinced I can only receive these things by being physically ill. I define the worth or right to receive attention/love/care of people by their physical condition. I've done various unhealthy things to myself before in order to become physically ill (smoking, not taking medications to treat pneumonia, making sure I feel cold, etc.) and thus get attention and care from others, but the thing is, I can't be 100% sure if they will work. Whereas, when I'm eating way too less calories during a longer period, I know it will eventually make me physically ill, weaken my immune system and thereby make me more prone to catching infections, which again will be able to fill my inner emptiness and make me feel that I'm good enough and have the right to get attention and be taken care of. Also, I think I might get attention or that others might notice me and look at me and worry about me if I'm very skinny. And I believe it's also about control. Now that I can't control my inner chaos, the emotional pain, the mood swings etc., at least I can control my calories, weight etc. When I started my restriction back in May this year, it was because I was triggered by people talking about physical symptoms outside the drugstore. Since I didn't have the physical problems they were talking about, I felt I wasn't on their level regarding the right to get attention/care from others, so I had to do something else to at least come closer to that level. I heard their conversation as I walked past them on my way to the bus, and the same day, I started to set a daily limit of calories. Since that day, I've made sure that I have a calorie deficit everyday so I'll continue to lose weight. I'm checking the nutrional facts on everything I eat/buy, weighing each portion of something before eating it, and I'm writing down each calorie and calculating the total intake of the day in order to check that I don't go over my daily maximum. Also, I'm browsing pro ana forums, googling weight loss tips, using a step/calorie counter etc. I've lost quite a lot of weight now, and as I started off at a normal BMI I've gotten underweight now, and I'm continuing to lose. I don't have a scale so I can't check my weight, but I can see the pounds coming off, as can others. And since my therapist in the psychiatric department knows about this habit of mine, I've had to undergo physical examinations that have shown that I've gotten to a point where it starts to become very unhealthy (e.g., my period has gone and my blood pressure is too low). I feel I've gotten so caught up in this now that I can't get out of it. It's the longest amount of time I've been restricting, and I haven't ever lost that much weight before.
Damn, this turned out rather long. I'm thankful if anyone has kept on reading until this point. It means a lot to me. Just had to share this.
Has anyone done this too? Or does anyone know someone who has? Or is their anyone with similar thoughts about physical symptoms as a way of getting attention?
I'm thankful for every reply I might get. Keep on fighting.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby Msyoga302 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 6:10 pm

Hi,

I have not done exactly the same thing. For me being able to control how I workout and how I eat ( which is a meal plan) and a workout plan from my coach has been a way of life for me for years. I used to not be able to eat at a restaurant in fear it would compromise my fitness level. To this day, I am very strict as to what I eat and how i workout but I am no longer afraid to eat at a restaurant or take the odd rest day.

I think the reason behind all of this is control. I have never been super skinny though, I have always had alot of muscle to me. But when random people comment on how you look- which is usually positive it feels nice.

I am not sure if i helped at all. Feel free to PM me if you would like.

L.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby cirkusrat » Fri Jul 27, 2018 9:40 pm

Msyoga302 wrote:Hi,

I have not done exactly the same thing. For me being able to control how I workout and how I eat ( which is a meal plan) and a workout plan from my coach has been a way of life for me for years. I used to not be able to eat at a restaurant in fear it would compromise my fitness level. To this day, I am very strict as to what I eat and how i workout but I am no longer afraid to eat at a restaurant or take the odd rest day.

I think the reason behind all of this is control. I have never been super skinny though, I have always had alot of muscle to me. But when random people comment on how you look- which is usually positive it feels nice.

I am not sure if i helped at all. Feel free to PM me if you would like.

L.



Hi, thanks a lot for your reply. You sure helped - even just knowing that there's someone out there who takes their time to read my mile-long post and maybe even replies to it means something to me. Makes me feel I'm not completely alone, since at least one (or how many users) heard me. I think you're absolutely right about the control part. You get such a sort of satisfied feeling, like there's finally something you can control. Also, I sometimes experience moments where I'm almost high, feeling really good and full of energy, having thoughts like, "wow, it's already 1pm and I've only had xxx calories so far today". Told my therapist and she said that restricting calories can actually make people high in a way. It affects the brain in some way. What I also "like" about restricting as one of my self-destructive behaviors is the feeling that I can kind of "narcotize" myself because heavy restriction really messes with my body (there's nothing like the sensation you get when you light up a cigarette on an empty stomach - hits you like a bulldozer), though this might be the case with every self-destructive behavior that is physically harming the body. You're right, it's nice to get attention from others all because of the way you look. You don't need to do anything, say anything, etc., just be there and make them notice your presence. Though it feels fantastic to receive compliments on one's looks, for me, it's more about looking sick/ill. Today afternoon when I took the train to work, I met a guy whom I've been in a job course with for a week or so, and it's been more than a month since I attended that course. During our conversation he suddenly asked if I had lost weight since he last saw me. Attention like this motivates me to keep restricting and I like to know that others (even strange persons I don't have any relationship to) can tell that I have and continually am losing weight and have gotten unhealthily skinny. This small event actually cheered me up a bit and told me that this (ie, restricting my calories to keep losing weight) is "just the right thing to do". ...
What I want to say is, for me, it's about getting so very skinny that people can tell I'm sick/ill and might worry about me and give me care. I also like it when people tell me I look very pale or so. And when I have caught an infection, like the cold or pneumonia etc., I try so hard to hold on to it by treating my body really bad, not taking my medications, not drinking water, smoking a hell lot of cigarettes, etc... Because it seems the only attention/care/acknowledgement that can fill up my inner emptiness for a while and soothe the inner pain and make me feel as if I'm good enough is the attention I get because of being/looking physically ill...This is also why physical problems/illnesses is one of my absolutely strongest triggers.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby sakura1 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 9:56 pm

Maybe i feel similar ,also to me it feels like is the only self harm that doesn't hurt and feels so easy to do .
but i will tell you how i come back to reality because i have 2 opposite feelingS pulling me to opposte directions often.So i don't think is bpd because i come back to reality.and i don't cross the line.

firstly i don't think mine is for others to pay attention only,i think is the only way to show how sad i am,like a statement,if i can't express how i feel and noone cares ,at least i can do that.
i can't explain exactly.also like is the only thing that i can control or the only thing that i have .
but i have seen girls that died from it and start looking very ugly so my vanity stops me.because i feel i get ugly the more i loose and i don't like it.
and the other thing is i feel sick and more tired and i literally have noone and i have to work so i don't want to be homeless.
because is not like you die in one day you just going to be homeless and sick for long time.
so literally noone cares and i have only myself and i realize that.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby Msyoga302 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 1:05 am

cirkusrat wrote:
Msyoga302 wrote:Hi,

I have not done exactly the same thing. For me being able to control how I workout and how I eat ( which is a meal plan) and a workout plan from my coach has been a way of life for me for years. I used to not be able to eat at a restaurant in fear it would compromise my fitness level. To this day, I am very strict as to what I eat and how i workout but I am no longer afraid to eat at a restaurant or take the odd rest day.

I think the reason behind all of this is control. I have never been super skinny though, I have always had alot of muscle to me. But when random people comment on how you look- which is usually positive it feels nice.

I am not sure if i helped at all. Feel free to PM me if you would like.

L.



Hi, thanks a lot for your reply. You sure helped - even just knowing that there's someone out there who takes their time to read my mile-long post and maybe even replies to it means something to me. Makes me feel I'm not completely alone, since at least one (or how many users) heard me. I think you're absolutely right about the control part. You get such a sort of satisfied feeling, like there's finally something you can control. Also, I sometimes experience moments where I'm almost high, feeling really good and full of energy, having thoughts like, "wow, it's already 1pm and I've only had xxx calories so far today". Told my therapist and she said that restricting calories can actually make people high in a way. It affects the brain in some way. What I also "like" about restricting as one of my self-destructive behaviors is the feeling that I can kind of "narcotize" myself because heavy restriction really messes with my body (there's nothing like the sensation you get when you light up a cigarette on an empty stomach - hits you like a bulldozer), though this might be the case with every self-destructive behavior that is physically harming the body. You're right, it's nice to get attention from others all because of the way you look. You don't need to do anything, say anything, etc., just be there and make them notice your presence. Though it feels fantastic to receive compliments on one's looks, for me, it's more about looking sick/ill. Today afternoon when I took the train to work, I met a guy whom I've been in a job course with for a week or so, and it's been more than a month since I attended that course. During our conversation he suddenly asked if I had lost weight since he last saw me. Attention like this motivates me to keep restricting and I like to know that others (even strange persons I don't have any relationship to) can tell that I have and continually am losing weight and have gotten unhealthily skinny. This small event actually cheered me up a bit and told me that this (ie, restricting my calories to keep losing weight) is "just the right thing to do". ...
What I want to say is, for me, it's about getting so very skinny that people can tell I'm sick/ill and might worry about me and give me care. I also like it when people tell me I look very pale or so. And when I have caught an infection, like the cold or pneumonia etc., I try so hard to hold on to it by treating my body really bad, not taking my medications, not drinking water, smoking a hell lot of cigarettes, etc... Because it seems the only attention/care/acknowledgement that can fill up my inner emptiness for a while and soothe the inner pain and make me feel as if I'm good enough is the attention I get because of being/looking physically ill...This is also why physical problems/illnesses is one of my absolutely strongest triggers.


Your welcome. You are not alone. Why would you want to look sick? The reason I have a calorie thing is just for fitness purposes. I do not engage in any self harm. And I do fall off the wagon with peanut butter occasionally.

If you can I would recommend you seek a therapist/ councilor. Lowering your calories too much can affect your over all health, and even your blood pressure. Have you tried changing the weight control to controlling something else?

L
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby cirkusrat » Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:09 am

Hi again.
It's really hard to describe in words the reason why I feel like I have to look physically ill. It's very hard for others to understand, and it's ony very few people that understand me. One of my theories is that I've seen people with physical illness receive attention and care from others, while I felt alone and ignored having my mental problems which no one seemed to notice. So I started seeing physical illness as the only way to get attention and care from others. It's almost like I want to compensate for not having gotten the attention and care I've seen physically ill people get for a long time, and I try to compensate now by making myself ill so that I'll get this attention and care that they received earlier when I didn't. Like there's some deficit I'm trying to equalize. It just broke my heart to be surrounded by people getting attention and care from others due to their physical condition. I felt I needed the exact same of attention and care, but I wasn't given it.
As mentioned above, it's really hard for others to understand. I've kind of created my own understanding of the world and the worth/level of its people. As written in the first post: I define the right of a person to get attention and care and love out of their physical condition. If you're ill, you'll have others worrying about you, noticing you, takning care of you, and so on. This understanding of the world I've created is so hard for others to understand. Since for others, there's so much more to a person than its physical condition, and you can't say one person has more right to attention/care/love than others because of physical problems. But I'm just so stuck in my disordered understanding of how things are and have been for a long time, so it's hard to let go of it.
The point is: No other kind of attention/care seems good enough. Eg., getting attention because of something I'm good at, etc., just doesn't have the same effect. It doesn't make me feel like I'm good enough, or at least as good as others and on their level regarding the right to attention/love/care.

That's also why restricting is the self-destructive behavior I keep returning to. Engaging in risky, self-destructive behavior is a part of my BPD and actually a BPD symptom by its own. Of course, the best thing would be to not do any self-harm at all, but sometimes it seems like the only way out because it's impossible to handle the emotional chaos and emptiness etc., that BPD causes me and my fellow borderliners to experience. It's a way of soothing the pain and numbing the body for a while. I've done various other forms of self-harm, but I think most of them have one thing in common: to make me ill, physically. To weaken my immune system in order for me to catch infections, which will give me attention and care from others and make me able to feel my own body and fill me up for a while. Since I don't have any guarantee that these other forms of self-destructive behavior will wirk in terms of making me ill (e.g. smoking too much, going out in cold weather without warm clothes, not taking my antibiotics to treat my pneumonia, turning off the heat in my apartment during fall/winter, etc.), calorie restriction is a "sure winner" that I keep returning to, because I KNOW it'll work in terms of making me ill.
It's really good that you don't do any self-destructive behavior. It's hard to get out of the bad cycle once you're in it. Can I ask you how you deal with BPD symptoms (eg. emotional chaos/pain, emptiness, etc.) then?
Regarding the therapy aspect: I've been in therapy the last 2,5 years in a psychiatric unit for children&adolescents. There, I got to meet my current therapist (psychitric nurse) and I've come VERY ATTACHED to her (which is why it'll be so painful to leave her in order to move away and attend uni, but that belongs in another post of mine). She knows about my self-destrucive behavior patterns and there fore also about the calorie restriction. Have an appointment with her next Friday, it's been like a month or so since I last saw her (she's been on vacation), and she knows about the fact that I'm currently in one of these restriction/calorie and weightloss focused phases. Before she left on vacation, she made me undergo a physical examination due to my weight loss. They found that my blood pressure is too low, my BMI tells I'm underweight, and I've also stopped having my period. I think she'll probably be able to tell that I've lost more weight when I'll see her on Friday. Probably she'll talk to the doctor again then.
Also, I've got an at-home-therapist/social wirker/mentor who comes to my place 1x every week for 1.2 hours to help me with (often practical) things in my apartment which I can't do myself due to my mental condition. She knows about the restriction too and can tell that I've lost more weight every time we meet. She tries to make me understand the seriousness and encourages me to slowly higher my daily limit of calories. But last time she was there (2 days ago) she set a limit which I'm just too scared to follow... I think it'll take some time for me to break this cycle since I've gotten really stuck in it by now. When I move to a big city and start uni in September, I'll start therapy at a psychiatric department specialized in personallity disorders, and I'll have weekly sessions. And I'll also write an application for a mentor coming to my place once the week or so to check up on me between sessions in psychiatry. So regarding the therapy aspect, I'm covered.
I do have tried changing the control to something, or maybe I'd put it like this: I've tried filling out the emptiness and soothing the emotional pain with other, healthier things. Like reading, writing, etc. But they just don't seem to do. But I know I'll have to keep on trying to find healthier patterns to engage in to soothe some of the pain caused by my personality disorder. It just takes a lot of time to get to that point.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby sakura1 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 9:37 am

i feel kind of jealous that your family cares for you,i think mine would superficially pretend they care and just let me die if i didn't eat.maybe some of them would compete of who is the sicker also.
although i understand that being thinner was better than if they saw me being fat to the way they treat me.
what would you do if noone cared about it ?
i didn't have empathy for them,i wish i could hurt them because they didn't care.but if i care about someone i can't feel i am a burden for them.or i feel guilty if i care only about myself.
(i forgot to to say i do the same about the restaurant,i don't really enjoy it)
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby cirkusrat » Sat Jul 28, 2018 12:21 pm

sakura1 wrote:Maybe i feel similar ,also to me it feels like is the only self harm that doesn't hurt and feels so easy to do .
but i will tell you how i come back to reality because i have 2 opposite feelingS pulling me to opposte directions often.So i don't think is bpd because i come back to reality.and i don't cross the line.

firstly i don't think mine is for others to pay attention only,i think is the only way to show how sad i am,like a statement,if i can't express how i feel and noone cares ,at least i can do that.
i can't explain exactly.also like is the only thing that i can control or the only thing that i have .
but i have seen girls that died from it and start looking very ugly so my vanity stops me.because i feel i get ugly the more i loose and i don't like it.
and the other thing is i feel sick and more tired and i literally have noone and i have to work so i don't want to be homeless.
because is not like you die in one day you just going to be homeless and sick for long time.
so literally noone cares and i have only myself and i realize that.


Hi. First off, thanks for taking your time to read my post and replying. Means a lot. I see what you mean with the statement thing. It's like there's finally a way to express how you bad the BPD makes your feel and make it possible to see the inner pain from the outside (the best thing would probably be to do this by being creative, eg. drawing, painting, wiriting, etc., but it can be hard to get there and leave the self-destructive method). I do know that restricting calories like this is very dangerous and eventually leads to organ failure. And it isn't very pretty to look at, either. But I somehow can't think of this. All that matters to me is to get skinnier and skinnier. I'm so distorted in my understanding of things that I don't even care if it will make me look ugly. All that matters is to make it possible for others to see that I'm ill. Get physically ill. And eventually get attention and care from others because of this. And of course it doesn't feel nice, either. Restricting does make my body feel very weak and tired. But I'm still able to work a couple of hours a day (summer holiday job), and I'm still able to exercise a couple of times the week and I'm still able to walk 5-10 km each day. Back in January before I was admitted to inpatient treatment at the hospital, I restricted my calories even more than I do now. But though I didn't eat anything almost, I was still able to go to work every day, which back then was a full time job with 40+ hours the week. But now, I'm not restricting THIS heavily as I did back then. Because I know I can't do that for more than a couple of weeks.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby cirkusrat » Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:22 pm

sakura1 wrote:i feel kind of jealous that your family cares for you,i think mine would superficially pretend they care and just let me die if i didn't eat.maybe some of them would compete of who is the sicker also.
although i understand that being thinner was better than if they saw me being fat to the way they treat me.
what would you do if noone cared about it ?
i didn't have empathy for them,i wish i could hurt them because they didn't care.but if i care about someone i can't feel i am a burden for them.or i feel guilty if i care only about myself.
(i forgot to to say i do the same about the restaurant,i don't really enjoy it)


I'm sorry to hear that your family probably wouldn't care.
Well, actually I don't really get attention or care from my family because of my physical condition/weight loss. I live by myself and due to my mental problems I'm not able to spend time with my family. I can't visit my mom and my siblings. And they can't come visit me. So my contact with my family is VERY limited. Therefore, also the attention/care I get from them is very little. Actually, they don't even know I'm restricting my calories. Of course, my mom can tell that I've lost weight. But I tell her it's medication side effects. The attention I get from her because of my weight loss is not really nice attention you'd be craving for. It's more something like, "well, you have to eat" and stuff. Once she said she found it hard to even look at me because I'd become so skinny. So I don't get attention/care from my family because I'm restricting. They don't even know I am.
I've also often thought what I'd do if there was no-one to see my weight loss or see that I was getting ill physically (due to calorie restriction). I've tried imagining I'd be lost on an island. And still, I'm convinced I'd continue restricting. Because I'm not only doing this to myself in order for others to notice me and give me attention and worry about me and take care of me. I'm also doing it to convince myself. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, it's very little people that care about it. My therapist doesn't talk to me about my eating problem. We talk about other things. She doesn't want to mix up the "BPD talk" and the "food/physical illness" talk. So she made a doctor do a physical examination.
So all in all, I don't think a lot of people care about it. It's only few people that know about it. But still, I continue to restrict. And the reason I do this is because I don't only want to lose weight to get attention and care from others, but also to fill out the emptiness, soothe the emotional pain, and get to feel my own body, feel that i'm still alive.
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Re: Restricting calories as a form of self-destructive behavior?

Postby Msyoga302 » Mon Jul 30, 2018 4:04 am

cirkusrat wrote:Hi again.
It's really hard to describe in words the reason why I feel like I have to look physically ill. It's very hard for others to understand, and it's ony very few people that understand me. One of my theories is that I've seen people with physical illness receive attention and care from others, while I felt alone and ignored having my mental problems which no one seemed to notice. So I started seeing physical illness as the only way to get attention and care from others. It's almost like I want to compensate for not having gotten the attention and care I've seen physically ill people get for a long time, and I try to compensate now by making myself ill so that I'll get this attention and care that they received earlier when I didn't. Like there's some deficit I'm trying to equalize. It just broke my heart to be surrounded by people getting attention and care from others due to their physical condition. I felt I needed the exact same of attention and care, but I wasn't given it.
As mentioned above, it's really hard for others to understand. I've kind of created my own understanding of the world and the worth/level of its people. As written in the first post: I define the right of a person to get attention and care and love out of their physical condition. If you're ill, you'll have others worrying about you, noticing you, takning care of you, and so on. This understanding of the world I've created is so hard for others to understand. Since for others, there's so much more to a person than its physical condition, and you can't say one person has more right to attention/care/love than others because of physical problems. But I'm just so stuck in my disordered understanding of how things are and have been for a long time, so it's hard to let go of it.
The point is: No other kind of attention/care seems good enough. Eg., getting attention because of something I'm good at, etc., just doesn't have the same effect. It doesn't make me feel like I'm good enough, or at least as good as others and on their level regarding the right to attention/love/care.

That's also why restricting is the self-destructive behavior I keep returning to. Engaging in risky, self-destructive behavior is a part of my BPD and actually a BPD symptom by its own. Of course, the best thing would be to not do any self-harm at all, but sometimes it seems like the only way out because it's impossible to handle the emotional chaos and emptiness etc., that BPD causes me and my fellow borderliners to experience. It's a way of soothing the pain and numbing the body for a while. I've done various other forms of self-harm, but I think most of them have one thing in common: to make me ill, physically. To weaken my immune system in order for me to catch infections, which will give me attention and care from others and make me able to feel my own body and fill me up for a while. Since I don't have any guarantee that these other forms of self-destructive behavior will wirk in terms of making me ill (e.g. smoking too much, going out in cold weather without warm clothes, not taking my antibiotics to treat my pneumonia, turning off the heat in my apartment during fall/winter, etc.), calorie restriction is a "sure winner" that I keep returning to, because I KNOW it'll work in terms of making me ill.
It's really good that you don't do any self-destructive behavior. It's hard to get out of the bad cycle once you're in it. Can I ask you how you deal with BPD symptoms (eg. emotional chaos/pain, emptiness, etc.) then?
Regarding the therapy aspect: I've been in therapy the last 2,5 years in a psychiatric unit for children&adolescents. There, I got to meet my current therapist (psychitric nurse) and I've come VERY ATTACHED to her (which is why it'll be so painful to leave her in order to move away and attend uni, but that belongs in another post of mine). She knows about my self-destrucive behavior patterns and there fore also about the calorie restriction. Have an appointment with her next Friday, it's been like a month or so since I last saw her (she's been on vacation), and she knows about the fact that I'm currently in one of these restriction/calorie and weightloss focused phases. Before she left on vacation, she made me undergo a physical examination due to my weight loss. They found that my blood pressure is too low, my BMI tells I'm underweight, and I've also stopped having my period. I think she'll probably be able to tell that I've lost more weight when I'll see her on Friday. Probably she'll talk to the doctor again then.
Also, I've got an at-home-therapist/social wirker/mentor who comes to my place 1x every week for 1.2 hours to help me with (often practical) things in my apartment which I can't do myself due to my mental condition. She knows about the restriction too and can tell that I've lost more weight every time we meet. She tries to make me understand the seriousness and encourages me to slowly higher my daily limit of calories. But last time she was there (2 days ago) she set a limit which I'm just too scared to follow... I think it'll take some time for me to break this cycle since I've gotten really stuck in it by now. When I move to a big city and start uni in September, I'll start therapy at a psychiatric department specialized in personallity disorders, and I'll have weekly sessions. And I'll also write an application for a mentor coming to my place once the week or so to check up on me between sessions in psychiatry. So regarding the therapy aspect, I'm covered.
I do have tried changing the control to something, or maybe I'd put it like this: I've tried filling out the emptiness and soothing the emotional pain with other, healthier things. Like reading, writing, etc. But they just don't seem to do. But I know I'll have to keep on trying to find healthier patterns to engage in to soothe some of the pain caused by my personality disorder. It just takes a lot of time to get to that point.


Hi, anytime. I am here to help you. Feel free to PM me if you like. Yes I agree its a way of controlling the bpd symptoms without taking it too far. I mean so may argue this isnt great, but its better than alot of other habits. I am happy to hear you are able to work and walk and such. Just becarful if you experience body pain from lack of nutrients.

Have you ever thought about weight training to get attention? You might feel better about yourself also.

L
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