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Missing my therapist unbearably much

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Missing my therapist unbearably much

Postby cirkusrat » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:03 pm

I've been thinking about posting this for a while and finally got to do it now, as I can't stand being alone with this anymore. I've been seeing my current therapist for 2,5 years now. But my time with her is about to end. In September, I'll move away in order to start studying at university. Even if I didn't move away, I'd have to stop seeing her in a couple of months because I'm getting too old to be in that department (department for children & adolescents).
Currently I'm seeing her once every week, but at the moment she's on vacation and has been so for a week now. My next appointment with her isn't until 3rd August. Today, it's been barely 1,5 weeks since I last saw her, and I'm already breaking inside from missing her so much. To make it clear, I've become EXTREMELY ATTACHED to her. After all, I've been seeing her for a long time. But also, I know my attachment to her is part of my BPD. Now that she's on vacation it's getting clear to me what it'll be like to no longer see her, and I can't handle the thoughts and feelings this brings up in me. I know I'll be starting therapy in the new city at a clinic specialized in personality disorders, and that I'll have weekly sessions there. And the psychiatrist who diagnosed me knows that clinic and says they're really good over there. But no matter how hard I try to think of this, I just can't deal with the pain associated to leaving my current therapist. It's a feeling of INTENSE SORROW AND GRIEF. The pain is so strong it's unbearable. I feel like my life will never be the same without her. I feel like no matter how many therapists I'll meet in the future, I will never be able to build such a relationship with them like I have with her. I feel like I'm losing something I won't ever have again, so I'll have to live the rest of my life with the feeling of something deep inside me missing. I'll never be complete without her.
Studies start 1st September and my next appointment is 3rd August, and assuming I'll see her once a week, I've only got like 3 appointments left with her. Just thinking about this and writing it makes me want to cry. I just want to hold her tight and not let go of her, ever. I often imagine how the very last session will be and I know I probably won't even be able to speak because I'll be so broken.
Does anyone know this? Any advice/tips/similar stories will mean so much to me. I don't know how I shall survive these 3 weeks until my next appointment with her, not to mention the time after leaving her. Have you got any tips for me? Be it on how to survive these 3 weeks that have to pass before my next appointment with her, or on how to distract myself, what to do in a day, or on how to say goodbye to a beloved therapist, etc. Stay strong out there.
cirkusrat
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