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Fear of attention.

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Fear of attention.

Postby cutiest_boy » Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:00 am

I want to do something that gives me some self-esteem and pride and even a feeling of independence. I have a lot of talent however I never exactly know what I really love doing because I never put myself out there enough to really experience my passions.

I am kinda avoidant so I haven't tried a lot of things. I wish I could try doing comedy, or posting online videos, or singing in front of people, or acting. Or publishing stories. Or create my own blog or website. Actually I REALLY want to create and have people appreciate my creations. The thing is, I can get REALLY bad panic attacks when the attention is on me though, I feel like it opens so many doors for people to be mean to me and judge me. If people weren't so mean and hateful towards me then I would like attention but it seems like people just hate me by default unless I work really hard to please them. soooo I really shy away from getting attention and I try to shy away from any attention. I feel like if I put myself out there too much I'll lose control.

Anyone relate? I want to get over it I just can't seem to.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby vcrpamphlet » Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:34 am

You sound young, so this stuff will likely sort itself out as you keep maturing. But that being said, there's a basic approach to things that might put you on a better path over time.

The issue probably isn't knowing what you should do, it's that you're too accustomed to feeling comfortable. Would be easy to write something lengthy, but put straightforwardly: learn to experience all uncomfortable situations as opportunities.

Growth is an uncomfortable process by design, so the moment you become aware of feeling uncomfortable or wanting to leave or avoid a situation without there being a rational cause, it's simply your natural bodily response to a behavior pattern being stretched.

The biggest contributor to anxiety is lack of exposure, so the best thing you can do is expose yourself more, and learn to understand that exposure as good and helpful.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby cutiest_boy » Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:45 am

vcrpamphlet wrote:You sound young, so this stuff will likely sort itself out as you keep maturing. But that being said, there's a basic approach to things that might put you on a better path over time.

The issue probably isn't knowing what you should do, it's that you're too accustomed to feeling comfortable. Would be easy to write something lengthy, but put straightforwardly: learn to experience all uncomfortable situations as opportunities.

Growth is an uncomfortable process by design, so the moment you become aware of feeling uncomfortable or wanting to leave or avoid a situation without there being a rational cause, it's simply your natural bodily response to a behavior pattern being stretched.

The biggest contributor to anxiety is lack of exposure, so the best thing you can do is expose yourself more, and learn to understand that exposure as good and helpful.


The funny thing is I'm constantly putting myself into uncomfortable situations but they usually roll over me and don't make much change in my anxiety. I live in mostly a state of constant psychological discomfort lol and I keep becoming re-afraid of things I thought I stopped being afraid of. There hasn't been zero progress but it is really slow. That being said when I do try to take progressive steps usually safety/escaping the situation is constantly on my mind and makes it hard to really experience what I'm doing.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby jaus tail » Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:27 am

There are many writing forums where you can post your stories. I've been a part of few. absolute write, critique circle, writers digest are a few writing forums. you can post your stories there and get feedback to hone your skills and showcase your talent.

as far as singing or acting is concerned, if you're in a college then you can enroll in the drama team.

Its not easy to get over the panic attacks. it takes time and practice. maybe try acting in front of the mirror.

when i was 14/15, i'd dance alone in the house to songs and i'd imagine i'm some rockstar. though i'm glad no one saw me dance.:D

its okay to shy away from attention. even lionel messi shies away from attention. what matters more is the talent, dedication, and hardwork. how one handles attention isnt that important.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby cutiest_boy » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:03 am

Thaaanks jaus tail that is good advice! I SHOULD join one of those writing sites. I also do love to sing and dance around the house. I agree it should not be about how I handle attention but how much passion and hard work I have. However I still wish I didn't let my fear of attention hold me back so much and cause me to avoid so many opportunities for new experiences. :?
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby vcrpamphlet » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:08 am

cutiest_boy wrote:The funny thing is I'm constantly putting myself into uncomfortable situations but they usually roll over me and don't make much change in my anxiety. I live in mostly a state of constant psychological discomfort lol and I keep becoming re-afraid of things I thought I stopped being afraid of. There hasn't been zero progress but it is really slow. That being said when I do try to take progressive steps usually safety/escaping the situation is constantly on my mind and makes it hard to really experience what I'm doing.


It can take a long time for some people, so don't let your comparative living difficulty get you down. Remember there's a big difference between being in a constant state of discomfort, and flight-response avoidance. It's the latter that I was referring to.

So long as you maintain consistency of exposure, things should improve quite a bit over the next few years. And by the looks of it, you're luckily responsive to friendly support - might be worthwhile taking a look at your peer group, maybe developing some more mutually supportive friendships. Individual pursuits are more often than not a team effort.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby jaus tail » Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:53 am

cutiest_boy wrote:However I still wish I didn't let my fear of attention hold me back so much and cause me to avoid so many opportunities for new experiences. :?


Even the richest person on earth, even the most talented person on earth, even the most social person on earth... they all will not be able to enjoy all life experiences. there will always be some experiences which we wont enjoy and that's ok.

we cant have everything in the world. there are 7500 varieties of apples around the world. we cant enjoy them all.

there are zillions of mountains to climb. sure no one can experience climbing them all.

n at times its better if we dont experience everything.

one way to let go of fear of attention is to give a speech at home and record yourself. i would do with voice recording. this is how i learnt to modulate my voice.

so you give a speech alone in the house n record yourself. either video record or only audio record. and then you view the recording. this builds confidence.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby anonymouswom » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:33 am

I know what it's like to feel like people hate you. But this feeling is inside your head, and you need to get it out. You can't live your life being afraid of what people will think of you and letting it stop you from doing the things you want to do. Not everyone is going to like you and it's ok, but it's not like EVERYBODY is gonna hate you.

-- Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:41 am --

I mean, some people are hateful by nature with many people, but you have to ignore them.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby cutiest_boy » Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:41 am

vcrpamphlet wrote:
It can take a long time for some people, so don't let your comparative living difficulty get you down. Remember there's a big difference between being in a constant state of discomfort, and flight-response avoidance. It's the latter that I was referring to.

So long as you maintain consistency of exposure, things should improve quite a bit over the next few years. And by the looks of it, you're luckily responsive to friendly support - might be worthwhile taking a look at your peer group, maybe developing some more mutually supportive friendships. Individual pursuits are more often than not a team effort.


Yes I get panic attacks, like increased heart rate sweating shaking can't focus or think straight, dry mouth and sick to my stomach :( whenever I get too much attention because I feel trapped in the spotlight. I avoid getting attention because I don't wanna feel trapped like that. I always feel like I'm on the spot and people are waiting for me to make some mistake so they can criticize me and be mean to me. I like when people are nice to me but I'm always afraid they'll suddenly change and be mean to me instead. :(

-- Sun Jul 15, 2018 12:43 am --

anonymouswom wrote:I know what it's like to feel like people hate you. But this feeling is inside your head, and you need to get it out. You can't live your life being afraid of what people will think of you and letting it stop you from doing the things you want to do. Not everyone is going to like you and it's ok, but it's not like EVERYBODY is gonna hate you.

-- Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:41 am --

I mean, some people are hateful by nature with many people, but you have to ignore them.


True I agree I just wish I believed it deep down. I really want a good friend who will be nice to me unlike all the ppl who have been mean to me.
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Re: Fear of attention.

Postby jaus tail » Sun Jul 15, 2018 6:01 am

Yes I get panic attacks, like increased heart rate sweating shaking can't focus or think straight, dry mouth and sick to my stomach :( whenever I get too much attention because I feel trapped in the spotlight. I avoid getting attention because I don't wanna feel trapped like that. I always feel like I'm on the spot and people are waiting for me to make some mistake so they can criticize me and be mean to me. I like when people are nice to me but I'm always afraid they'll suddenly change and be mean to me instead.


there was a time when i was mean to others n i'd make fun of others. like someone mispronounced a word so i'd correct it.

now i realize i was such a jerk. i've apologized to those people whom i've hurt. i would pass comments at others just to get laughs from my friends n i'd revel in it. but i was a jerk.

its very very easy to throw stones at others n make fun of others. it takes far more effort to do something with your own life n to improve.

I really want a good friend who will be nice to me unlike all the ppl who have been mean to me.


one good friend makes all the difference in the world.
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