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I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

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I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

Postby hope1824 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 5:13 pm

Hey everyone,

So I am a borderline and find relationships a struggle but struggle the most in romantic relationships. I have a boyfriend who I adore- but I often live in constant fear and paranoia about him doing things behind my back and lying. I often never believe him and seek out things to see what I can find through I guess my own beliefs. He has just come back from Ibiza, and the whole time and before he went I premeditated he would cheat, and lived those days he was away as if he actually would and had. It was very distressing that I actually avoided speaking to him because I was so afraid of what he was doing. I couldn't imagine him going on holiday and being faithful that I was 95% sure he'd meet someone. Anyway he came home and I asked him if he cheated because I told him he had. He was very open about the holiday and said he did chat to girls and chill with girls because he said that was the whole vibe it was a music festival but he said he was faithful and loves me so much also that he isn't evil and didn't cheat on me. In my head im certain through every sensation in my body that he did cheat but was just lying. I got so distressed that I thought he was lying I cut myself and cried in a ball on the floor. I told him I can't stay when I don't believe him and he said he was heartbroken- but I keep thinking what if he did but was too drunk to remember where I'm playing out lots of scenarios in my head. He seems to be being extra nice to me atm and now I'm thinking it's because he's feeling guilty. He saw how distressed I was when he came and saw me when he got back and he seemed upset that I didn't believe him. My question is how do you separate bpd and reality because I'm not sure if how I feel is justified and he really did cheat and is just lying. It is so painful to live like that as I really do care about him and don't want to lose him through pushing him away if he really is innocent. :(
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Re: I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

Postby purpleghost » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:11 am

I can relate to you, im going through the same thing, its something very painful and tiring it drives your self crazy and don't have peace.
I don't know what to tell you, my psychologist told me to have the thought but not bite into it- what ever that means. I just try to trust him and try to not have the thought overcome me.

-- Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:11 pm --

I can relate to you, im going through the same thing, its something very painful and tiring it drives your self crazy and don't have peace.
I don't know what to tell you, my psychologist told me to have the thought but not bite into it- what ever that means. I just try to trust him and try to not have the thought overcome me.
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Re: I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

Postby hope1824 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:20 am

Hi,

Thank you for replying, I'm sorry to hear you experience a similar thought and feeling. It isn't very pleasant is it?! I'm glad you have the support of a psychologist, and I guess biting the thought will take a lot of practise but I'm not sure what that really means to 'bite' the thought either. It would be interesting to find out. I feel this is paranoia when there is no real or little evidence to back up your beliefs.

:) xx
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Re: I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

Postby WantingNormal75 » Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:48 pm

I am going through the same thing. My last marriage my husband threatened to leave me monthly. He divorced me after 18 mos and moved in immediately with another woman. I was devastated. I feel broken. And now in a new relationship, I find it almost impossible to trust him. He lied to me in the beginning about how long he had been divorced. He told me a year and a half, but had only been two months. Obviously was a two week marriage because she said bad things about his child. Fast forward, he says I forgave him and now need to move on. I had trust issues before and now I have that much more doubt all of the time that he will be lying and cheat on me. I am on medication, but he started a new job, went from working with all men, to mostly all women. Nurses. My low self esteem makes it hard to trust in this. That they will be younger, cuter, etc. How do I get past this? :cry:
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Re: I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

Postby hope1824 » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:00 pm

Sometimes people lie for other reasons then to be malicious or out to get us. Maybe he didn't want to tell you the truth because the time was short in between and he felt he would be judged by you? I mean I understand you've detected a threat now so you may seem alert to anything that could perhaps not seem right. Some people are more trustworthy then others. Have you healed from the hurt in the previous relationship?
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Re: I have bpd and I live in fear my partner has and will cheat.

Postby Bree123 » Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:22 am

Hey there, I am 21 with bpd anxiety and depression. I am married with a 6 month old daughter. I too suffer with delusions that my husband has or will cheat on me almost every day. It has caused issues to the point where i am unable to fully trust him even though in the back of my mind i know he wouldn't. My brain just tells me "you know what, what makes you think he wouldn't do it". It is so exhausting coming to terms with my bpd. Everyday is a struggle. My husband is constantly worried of when and where i will have an episode and start losing my temper and throwing things. It's also hard having a baby in the midst of it all.
I am so insecure in my relationship that i worry about how i look every second. My body has changed after baby and i am so self conscious. I keep thinking that my husband is always looking at "hotter" women when he's not even interested in them.
I even had a hallucination that he was on his phone in the middle of the night and he said he wasn't at all. BPD always tricks my brain into thinking things that aren't true and information gets so skewed. I am always paranoid that something is happening behind my back but i can't prove it. I have even been suicidal on separate occasions due to all of this stress. I love my husband so much but this paranoia is so damn consuming and i am so scared it'll make him resent me.
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