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Toxic relationship getting worse...

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Toxic relationship getting worse...

Postby eupdand2 » Tue May 15, 2018 9:19 pm

Can't work out how two people who seem to love each so much one minute can be so awful to each other the next?

I'm disgusted at us. We argued on the train in front of everyone, airing our dirty laundry for all to hear.

It's just getting worse and the stakes are getting higher. Shouting in the street at each other was bad enough but now we're actually doing it front of other people. I've never experienced anything like this and yet we still continue. 2 years we've been together nearly and it's been like this all the way through really. Just massive highs and huge lows.

I am so scared of having a huge breakdown and ending up in the psych ward again, or worse, accidentally injuring myself. Already had a huge gash in my arm that needed stitches by cutting myself, but ended up being too deep. I wept on the ground crying, in complete distress and confusion, by the trains as we fought.

I just cannot seem to find a way forward, together or apart. I feel so stuck. I accept my EUPD by she is in denial that she has a disorder. She's not been diagnosed with anything (though she's never been tested either) but we are so similar. Her moods change quite rapidly and her emotions are like mine. Very extreme. Though she suggests it's the relationship that makes her this way. She has issues taking responsibility for her actions and this makes me so mad. I take so much responsibility for mine. But I can't take it all. Further more, mental health issues run in her family. Her Mum seems to have bi-polar, again, not diagnosed, her sister has EUPD and her brother has suffered with depression. She herself, has a history of anxiety too.

I don't know what to do. I want my life back. Not this shell.
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Re: Toxic relationship getting worse...

Postby Misstrust » Tue May 22, 2018 1:20 pm

I literally feel your angst and frustration. I am also in a relationship much like yours. We both have personality disorders, and very much in love. The "Splitting" is absolutely heart wrenching. To Love/Hate so intensely... Neither of us are in treatment that we so direly need. Cuddles turn to cussing at a seconds notice... we both have suicidal ideation, and history of alcoholism... Throw liquor on this fire, and it becomes down right unholy... You are definitely not alone in your struggle... All we can do is ride out the Tsunami, and pray for gentler waters, knowing all too well that the storm clouds are constantly gathering in the background. Lots of Positive Vibes To You Both!!!
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Re: Toxic relationship getting worse...

Postby jaus tail » Tue May 22, 2018 4:52 pm

its tough to live with someone who is struggling with a pd themselves. if you guys are fighting so much then maybe spending some time away from each other can get some new perspective in life.
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Re: Toxic relationship getting worse...

Postby dazn153 » Wed May 23, 2018 7:37 pm

Realize that you are not alone. Likely 6-10% of the population (at least) suffers from a personality disorder, resulting in extreme drama, fighting, etc. I saw it in my family and in my relationships. It is drama all over the place.

If you have the resources, I would suggest getting therapy and DBT. Learn how to calm yourself down when the episodes are too large. This will prevent hospital visits - the breathing, the paired muscle relaxation, the high intensity at the gym, icing yourself down when an episode occurs.

Just realize that you are not alone - we are all fighting this together, which is what makes us special. We can feel such emotions that others cannot. :shock:
Diagnosed partially of each: NPD, BPD, Bipolar 2, OCPD, OCD
Psych Ward: 7 days ER: 2x No self-harm + In psychiatric treatment
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Re: Toxic relationship getting worse...

Postby eupdand2 » Sat May 26, 2018 9:45 pm

Thanks for all the replies.

I realise that I may be addicted to my partner/relationship.

Just how do I look at the possibility of removing myself from this rut, with this revelation?
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Re: Toxic relationship getting worse...

Postby jaus tail » Sun May 27, 2018 6:08 am

what is the advice you could give to your kids or to your best friend, if they were in similar situation.
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