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Share your sadness here :-/

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Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Wed May 02, 2018 3:19 pm

Dear all,

I am sad that I am still single (despite that I am actually quite attractive)
I am sad that I dont' have anyone to love me
I am sad that I don't have any hopes left in my pocket that someone will love me and accept me for who I am
I am sad that I feel that people will eventually leave me despite their initial interests in me
I am sad that most of my friends (I am 33) are either married, have kids, engaged or have partners
I am sad that it's me who's left here.. with my BPD traits.. struggling to have maintain a long-term relationship, struggle to not run away when I have feelings for someone
struggle to fall for someone who's not reliable/ unavailable emotionally
I am sad that I don't have many real friends who can let me talk about my feelings.. basically none at where I am at.. I have to pull up a happy face at work but deep down I just wanted to cry because I am still single.. -_-
I just want to cry and have someone to hold me in the arms.. someone who truly cares about me.. he doesn't even have to do anything (of course I have to like him).. but just hold me in the arms and let me cry.. I will feel better as soon as I get to cry a little.. gosh.. I am so lonely.... it almost feels like it's my fault to be single.. to be so unloved.... :-(

************
Please if someone share with me their experience? some hopes maybe? or feel free to throw your sadness out so we can all be sad together.. at least we are not alone here on this page....
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby thejan » Wed May 02, 2018 3:50 pm

I am sad because i met the only woman who ever loved me years back when i didn't get therapy.
I am sad because it turned out the way it did.
I am sad because i broke off contact with her just because of my dumb thoughts of being worthless.
I am sad because i threw away all contact data i had.
I am sad because i threw it all away because i didn't think i deserved her.
I am sad because i could not be the man she deserved.
I am sad because she proably has moved on and doesn't remember me at all.

I am sad because i feel she was the only person who ever loved me for being me.
Dx: BPD.

It does not define a person what they feel or experience. It defines a person how they react to it.
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby jaus tail » Wed May 02, 2018 5:24 pm

thejan wrote:I am sad because i met the only woman who ever loved me years back when i didn't get therapy.
I am sad because it turned out the way it did.
I am sad because i broke off contact with her just because of my dumb thoughts of being worthless.
I am sad because i threw away all contact data i had.
I am sad because i threw it all away because i didn't think i deserved her.
I am sad because i could not be the man she deserved.
I am sad because she proably has moved on and doesn't remember me at all.

I am sad because i feel she was the only person who ever loved me for being me.


This is my main reason for sadness as well. Feeling of worthless made me cut ties with her.

I'm sad cause I don't know what I want in life
I'm sad cause I have no real life friends I can trust. The black n white thinking never goes.
I'm sad cause i owe my family money.
I'm sad cause I'm 28, no job, no enthusiasm in life
I'm sad cause I have identity issues
I'm sad cause many people pity me but then at times I want to be pitied n it sucks
I'm sad cause I've lost all self respect at both my work places because of my mental health issues. My colleagues would praise me for work but also call me crazy.
exhausted
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Thu May 03, 2018 4:24 pm

I have spent the past few weeks being sad.. or the past few years really.. when my longest relationship ended.. I lost hope in love and I never believed that people can ever love me for who I am again..
the partner I had was the only person that have ever loved me unconditionally (almost unconditionally) and when it ended.. I hated myself for it too..
that's when I have decided to be sad and starting to give myself up..
I was even more lost after I wasn't able to finish up my doctorate degree and had to leave San Francisco earlier than I should.. (ended up with a master degree instead, luckily! but my goal was to become a clinical psychologist!!!) when my dream did not come true (despite how f**king hard that I worked for the degree), I lost hope in life.. I hated the professors there because they didn't help me out..

since then.. I have chosen to be SAD all the time.. my spirit just gets more and more sad as life crushes me.. after I came back to my homeland (where my parents are), I started to work my ass off and build up my career outside of psychology.. I am doing great.. greater than anyone would have thought (including myself and my parents).. but I still don't have much hope in life..

I often function like a robot with little feelings and I am totally on a survival mode.. with little passion in life.. little emotions at times and have no real friends around me.. (my best friend is back in the US)
I am very efficient at work but leaving me with no real connections/ relationships can be formed with anyone.. this life sucks.. and I am so d*** lonely!!!

after venting and sharing all my s*** here with you all.. for once.. I want to be happy again!!! I don't want to be the victim anymore and I really want to get my s*** together and BE HAPPY!!!
I want to be happy BY doing things that I like, I just picked up oilpainting again and it really makes me happy!!! I am already hitting the gym a lot but hey no one is smiling at the GYM! it's like our second job! having to work our ass off!!!
I have just bought some ingredients to cook on the weekend- gonna make lobster pasta with white sauceeeeeee.... :-P I am a big foodie so.. :-D (now you see why I had to head to the gym right? :lol:

the thing is, I am learning to talk more about my feelings (because of this forum, I have learnt to be more expressive and more openingly acknowleging my emotions)... I still feel upset but the feelings is slipping through more quickly than having it stuck on my chest...

I don't know how long can I keep up with my positive attitude! but I know.. I really want to be happy and I had enough of begging for people to love me or to give me the attentions.. I am going to do things that make myself happy, build up some hobbies that will make me feel proud of myself and be proudddd!!!
I don't need a BF in order to be happy!!! I want to be happy even it's just by myself!!!!!!

:D I hope that we can all feel better in time and I really hope that I can spread my hopes and positivity with you all too!!!
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby julllia » Thu May 03, 2018 6:59 pm

I am not good at expressing my sadness. I feel sad and empty all the time. I am not in my worse in this moment, i am ok, but i thought to write anyway.
In my worse i see the abyss of hopelessness. LoL
I feel expressing my sadness or feelings is vulnerability that i am afraid to have.
Maybe that is more avoidant trait,not bpd.
But i feel more comfortable talking here.
In the avpd forum i feel some kind of annoying suppression. I don't feel comfortable for some reason


I often function like a robot with little feelings and I am totally on a survival mode.. with little passion in life


I feel i am on survival mode too. With little passion

-- Thu May 03, 2018 9:03 pm --

Like Sometimes when people are more talkative helps me be too.
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Sat May 05, 2018 10:41 am

I think finding a safe space, like this forum or a safe friend to share our sadness with.. really helps...
the more I am able to unload my sadness.. the more I am healing inside...

why are you afraid of being vulnerable? because you would get hurt?
I was afraid of being weak or vulnerable before.. and i a still am.. but it feels more real and more me and I am much less numb when I am able to talk about my vulnerable feelings!!!

:-/
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby julllia » Sat May 05, 2018 12:08 pm

i don't know.i don't know how to describe it. i can definetely express easily emotions in everyday life.but is like i can't ask for help when i am sad,i can't talk about it easily.
i feel like what is the point since noone could help me or that it will make things worse or i will get hurt maybe.
that doesn't make sense because on the other hand it does help me saying how i feel.
so if someone is more expressive than me it helps me .
i feel friends are superficial,you only have yourself to depend on.or you will be a burden to them if you are not superficial
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Sat May 05, 2018 1:03 pm

I was the same way and I can totally feel you.. I hate being vulernable too. when I am vulnerable, I feel that people will say mean things to me, judge me and verbally abuse me like what my dad did when I was young.. then I have found writing on this forum, just sharing s**t that is going through my life, the pain that I had experienced really helped me expressing how I feel in daily life.. I am a little more expressive during the day!

i feel friends are superficial,you only have yourself to depend on.or you will be a burden to them if you are not superficial


it's true that most friends are superficial because it takes YEARS to build up the relationship and to go deeper.. some friends we can only chitchat about the weather with.. some friends we can talk a little more about gossip and work, and with only one or two friends we can talk about our deeper emotions.. at least you have us to share your emotions with!!! you can share with ALL OF US on the forum!!!

it's also true that we only have ourself to depend on most the time but sometimes, we can trust our friends and depend on them a little bit too.. as long as we are not depending on them for everything (financially, socially, emotionally, all the time), it's perfectly fine! we can take turns in supporting each other!

I know that it sucks to not being able to have someone to talk about our deep feelings, it's so lonely and sad... and I totally get it.. because that's how I feel a lot of times too..

but
at least you have us, you have this forum to share your deep feelings with ^___^
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby star dust » Thu May 10, 2018 9:26 pm

I am sad because I love a man who is completely out of his mind and is incapable of experiencing real empathy and abused me
I am sad because I love someone who is that cruel and cold
I am sad because I can't control the way I feel about him, one minute I think he's beautiful and amazing and others I hate him so much I want to inflict a level of pain upon him he can't even imagine exists
I am sad because I lost him and I lost a part of my life to all of this
I am sad because I want to be with him but I can't
I am sad because I know I'll probably never be with him again and I can't be and all I have left are memories of both the best and worst times
I am sad because eventually this part of me will flip again, to feelings nothing towards him and I'll be stone cold again
I am sad because part of me feels like I am grieving for the only person in the world I feel like I love, and the other part of me can not grieve and feels cold and empty
I'm sad because I think I'm a horrible person
I'm sad because I think I have PTSD
I'm sad because often I feel so cold towards humanity
I am sad because I feel no one in the world loves me, including my own family, my Mother, my Father. They say they do but I don't think they do
I am sad because my entire family have put me down my entire life and been abusive towards me
I am sad because I am cold towards my family and often feel nothing for them. No love or affection. Except for my Mother. And even not her at times. I think it's cause they hurt me so much, and it's my way of protecting myself.
I am sad because I have noone in my life that has ever been capable of taking care of me properly. No 'bigger' person. I have no feeling of a nurturing parent or older person I can look up to and always count on.
I am sad because I watch documentaries on murderers and killers and often feel I can relate to them more than I can normal people (not the killing of innocent humans, but other things. When I feel cold and dead inside.)
I am sad because I feel I will never be able to experience true happiness
I am sad because everything I wanted to do in life I have not been able to because of my stupid issues and this $#%^ personality
I am sad because I have absolutely no true friends
I am sad because I know that every relationship I have always ends in disaster
I am sad because everyone hurts me
I am sad because I want to die a lot of the time. And I have absolutely nowhere to turn to
I am sad because I've never really developed a true self or identity or formed a personality. I just morph into different people. And I don't think I'll ever be a real person. I will be a child inside forever.
I am sad that I push everyone away
I am sad because I suffer from such bad depressive episodes that I can't take care of myself.
I am sad because every single person I've ever loved or been close to has abused me
I am sad because I'm just an absolute f*ck up
I am sad because I can't see a future in which any of the above is ever going to improve
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Sun May 13, 2018 4:20 pm

star dust wrote:I'm sad because I think I'm a horrible person
I am sad because I feel no one in the world loves me, including my own family, my Mother, my Father. They say they do but I don't think they do
I am sad because my entire family have put me down my entire life and been abusive towards me
I am sad because I am cold towards my family and often feel nothing for them. No love or affection.
I am sad because I have noone in my life that has ever been capable of taking care of me properly. No 'bigger' person. I have no feeling of a nurturing parent or older person I can look up to and always count on.
I am sad because I watch documentaries on murderers and killers and often feel I can relate to them more than I can normal people (not the killing of innocent humans, but other things. When I feel cold and dead inside.)
I am sad because I feel I will never be able to experience true happiness
I am sad because everything I wanted to do in life I have not been able to because of my stupid issues and this $#%^ personality
I am sad because I have absolutely no true friends
I am sad because I know that every relationship I have always ends in disaster
I am sad because everyone hurts me
I am sad because I want to die a lot of the time. And I have absolutely nowhere to turn to
I am sad because I've never really developed a true self or identity or formed a personality. I just morph into different people. And I don't think I'll ever be a real person. I will be a child inside forever.
I am sad because every single person I've ever loved or been close to has abused me
I am sad because I'm just an absolute f*ck up
I am sad because I can't see a future in which any of the above is ever going to improve


I am sorry that you are feeling very sad for so many reasons..
but I really want to challenge some of your thoughts.. such as, I doubt it when you feel that "everyone hurts you"? I feel that it is very much the black and white thinking that colors the lens that you are seeing from..
and why is it not okay to be a child inside forever? we all have a child within us!!!
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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