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Share your sadness here :-/

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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Tue May 22, 2018 2:45 pm

I guess we all wish that we can be in the disney movies and have the happily ever after since then..it would be so nice if i can have that too..

it's funny that how coming to this forum has helped me letting go of some of the unrealistic expectations that I have towards life, towards people and I am more able to embrace the fact that I am not perfect, I didn't have the perfect childhood, I am often in pain for different reasons, I have struggles in life and a past that I am not too happy with..
I am more "okay" with all of the unpleasant events that had happened to me in the past.. I am also more expressive about my feelings too (haven't numbed much since I joined the forum).. being able to talk about how I feel have really helped me with self-acceptance..

because I know that I am not alone in this journey.. and we are all in it.. with different stories and pain behind us.. I guess I am feeling slightly better now.. :-)

we will never be able to wipe away the sadness that we have, or to wipe away the traumatic and painful past that we have behind us.. what we can do is manage our expectations, be realistic about ourselves, what I can do and what people can do.. and honestly...
life is super tough.. just have to focus on what we can do to make it better ;-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby jaus tail » Tue May 22, 2018 4:25 pm

themissingme wrote:we will never be able to wipe away the sadness that we have, or to wipe away the traumatic and painful past that we have behind us.. what we can do is manage our expectations, be realistic about ourselves, what I can do and what people can do.. and honestly...
life is super tough.. just have to focus on what we can do to make it better ;-)


yes. it took me a lot of time to understand this. to accept this that i can never undo my past or i can never be the person i was before the breakdown.
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Thu May 24, 2018 3:56 pm

jaus tail wrote:
themissingme wrote:we will never be able to wipe away the sadness that we have, or to wipe away the traumatic and painful past that we have behind us.. what we can do is manage our expectations, be realistic about ourselves, what I can do and what people can do.. and honestly...
life is super tough.. just have to focus on what we can do to make it better ;-)


yes. it took me a lot of time to understand this. to accept this that i can never undo my past or i can never be the person i was before the breakdown.


I am sorry.. I can feel pain from reading off what you wrote :-/
sometimes I wish that my past could be different as well, but I guess I can't do much about it..
I just had my regular medical check up and I discovered that I have two nodules on my thyroid and a cyst in my left ovary.. although its almost certain that these are not cancers.. but I can see how my stress level, or depressive thinking have led me to develop these conditions.. there is nothing I can do to change what had happened to me.. all I can is to try my best to manage my expectation, manage my way of doing things, my way of thinking about the world and hopefully, I can still have good health until 70s.. ;-)
we could never go back to the past to change anything.. but at least we have now... and we can still make it better for us :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby jaus tail » Thu May 24, 2018 4:40 pm

themissingme wrote:
jaus tail wrote:
themissingme wrote:we will never be able to wipe away the sadness that we have, or to wipe away the traumatic and painful past that we have behind us.. what we can do is manage our expectations, be realistic about ourselves, what I can do and what people can do.. and honestly...
life is super tough.. just have to focus on what we can do to make it better ;-)


yes. it took me a lot of time to understand this. to accept this that i can never undo my past or i can never be the person i was before the breakdown.


I am sorry.. I can feel pain from reading off what you wrote :-/
sometimes I wish that my past could be different as well, but I guess I can't do much about it..
I just had my regular medical check up and I discovered that I have two nodules on my thyroid and a cyst in my left ovary.. although its almost certain that these are not cancers.. but I can see how my stress level, or depressive thinking have led me to develop these conditions.. there is nothing I can do to change what had happened to me.. all I can is to try my best to manage my expectation, manage my way of doing things, my way of thinking about the world and hopefully, I can still have good health until 70s.. ;-)
we could never go back to the past to change anything.. but at least we have now... and we can still make it better for us :-)


yep.. at 70 years old we'll all be here. we'll use big glasses to look into the laptop screen, trembling fingers to type our login and password. not to mention dentures and wigs.

yeah the past hurts. i think its ok to feel bad at times. its like physical wound. some disability in past will not recover in adulthood. i dont know. the regrets pile a lot.
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Thu May 31, 2018 2:29 pm

yep.. at 70 years old we'll all be here. we'll use big glasses to look into the laptop screen, trembling fingers to type our login and password. not to mention dentures and wigs.

yeah the past hurts. i think its ok to feel bad at times. its like physical wound. some disability in past will not recover in adulthood. i dont know. the regrets pile a lot.[/quote]


yah I know that how our past can haunt us.. :-<
it sucks I know.... but nothing can be worst than that... so we have already been thru the worst :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Sun Jun 03, 2018 1:34 pm

can't believe that I have been numbed for a week or so again..
HEALTH: I was in shock after receiving my medical report.. knowing that I have some cysts in my thyroid and a 4cm cyst in my ovary... I am still VERY upset that I had to change my diet.. forget about all the food that I love eating.. (i.e., white potatoes, fries, red meat, beef e.t.c.).. I am a big foodie >.< .. it's sad you know...

LOVE: then I was emotionally numbed after breaking it off with the young colleague from work.. I was upset... I was actually quite upset.. because I did have feelings for him and there are little pieces that I would remember of him.. although we had only hang out for a month, talked for 2 months.. broke off in late April... received his last message in mid May.. I didn't reply to him because his message was full of bs, didn't even have the guts to apologize to me after everything that he has done and hoping me to say that I would forgive him to save him from his guilt.. nah..
it was upsetting still.. its not like I still like him, but I guess it's sad that I felt like I have been mistreated. (I am responsible for putting myself in such situation as well)

WORK: was super stressed earliler because it was end of month last week, as a sales, we need to hit a certain number of sales target.. so that was very intense as well...

I stayed home in the last weekend just to have a peace of mind, did all the housework, cooked some healthy food for myself, and did some research for my trip to Tanzania in next Feb as well.. so.. it was productive and relaxing... :-)

still a little upset though.. I know that I will feel better soon right...
thanks for reading guys.. thanks for letting me share my thoughts here
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby Jen97 » Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:42 pm

I’m sad because I have no one to talk to. I’m here because I need to vent to stop myself plummeting down when something hurts me. Have hardly any friends left because I’m impossible to understand and be close to and I’m ruining my relationship because I’m too intense. I just need to feel like someone understands, so I don’t feel so painfully lonely. I’m trying with all my power every day to consciously be better and I’ve had nearly two weeks in a row of feeling okay and more in control and aware and slowly started to love myself and my flaws, accept them and be happy - but then something happens which hurts me and before realising it’s probably my fault I lash out and blame everyone around me, thus ruining relationships and isolating myself further just to realise I’ve done something wrong. Which then sends me down a spiral of self loathing and feeling desperate and weak and useless, and then I have no one to vent to. Knowing someone hears me is all I need. I know it’s wrong but I feel like I need someone to validate me when I can’t accept myself and when I’m in this out of control mindsets. But I don’t have that.
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby cutiest_boy » Fri Jun 08, 2018 3:01 pm

I am sad because I'm fake, selfish, terrified of being weak, terrified of depending on others, too sensitive, too serious, self-absorbed, lonely, uncreative, boring, hollow, empty, isolated, rejected, loveless, unskilled, unwanted, not manly, not attractive, not exciting, not fun, not cool, old, alone, eccentric, can't relate to anyone. I have no friends, everyone in my life abandoned me or I stopped talking to them. I have no contacts, no social circle, no job, no life, no priorities, no attention span. Yet I still manage to be self-important. Hah, what a joke.
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby themissingme » Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:02 pm

cutiest_boy wrote:I am sad because I'm fake, selfish, terrified of being weak, terrified of depending on others, too sensitive, too serious, self-absorbed, lonely, uncreative, boring, hollow, empty, isolated, rejected, loveless, unskilled, unwanted, not manly, not attractive, not exciting, not fun, not cool, old, alone, eccentric, can't relate to anyone. I have no friends, everyone in my life abandoned me or I stopped talking to them. I have no contacts, no social circle, no job, no life, no priorities, no attention span. Yet I still manage to be self-important. Hah, what a joke.


I am sorry that you are feeling that bad about yourself.. ouch.. it must have hurt to be in such a state :-/ do you want to be better or do you want to make it better for yourself?
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Share your sadness here :-/

Postby Dayofclouds » Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:15 am

I don't know if someone can relate or if I'm just truly losing it... But my physical self is going through the daily routine, but in my mind, I'm just a little girl rocking in the corner of my mind in the dark. And I feel like this gets smaller and smaller everyday.

I was drinking heavy last week and realized that I was trying to drown. And two nights ago, I woke up with absolute conviction that the right thing to do was just to end it all. No more fear.

This is my first serious relapse after completing DBT five years ago. And I don't know if I can pull myself out again...
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