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Bpd and sexuality

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Bpd and sexuality

Postby Dia » Sat Apr 14, 2018 5:12 pm

Hi,

I was just wondering if anyone else with bpd struggles to understand their sexual orientation due to their symptoms?

I know I'm not straight. I liked girls since I was a kid, but until recently I considered myself bisexual. However, recently I've been thinking I might be a lesbian. I'm not sure though and it's very confusing due to the problems I have with relationships.

I've always assumed I liked men too, because I've had a lot of situations where I've became pretty obsessed with an older men who've shown me the slightest bit of kindness. I always interpreted it as me being attracted to them, but there was actually no sexual attraction and it was more me wanting to be taken care of and protected, like a father figure. The way I feel about women is different. It's sexual and romantic, more rounded and somewhat healthier. I've never experienced any interest in males my own age and I don't think I experience any physical attraction towards men. So I became pretty sure I was a lesbian, but now I'm unsure again.

Any relationship I have, of any capacity is really intense for me and I feel extremely close to people very quickly, which ends up making me feel kind of mixed up about whether those feelings are platonic or romantic.

Then add in issue's with identity and the confusion about my sexuality makes me really distressed because it's just another way I have no idea who I am.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience with struggling to identify their sexual orientation and bpd made it worse? If so, does anyone have any advice on how to deal/cope with it?

Thanks :)
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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby jaus tail » Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:14 am

i struggle with my orientation.

at times i'm a straight guy and want to be muscular n grow beard. at times i want to be with a guy. at times with a girl. the whole identity issue really wrecks the mind.

sexuality isnt black n white. it's more like a spectrum n when one has identity issues, the inconsistency of sexual thoughts makes it confusing for the mind.
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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby julllia » Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:27 am

this is why i feel sexuailty is biological when i look at myself. i don't know if some intense trauma can change it though. but whatever emotional problem i have or intimacy problem than makes me confused romantically. i am certain i am more sexually attracted to guys.
i know i am not disgusted with girls. i think everyone could be bisexual if he was open minded.
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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby themissingme » Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:46 pm

I am not sure about guys, but for me, as a full grown lady, I used to be bisexual because I didn't have a great relationship with my dad, he was verbally abusive and he has intensive anger outburst when I was young.. (he is an undiagnosed bipolar), thats why I have difficulties forming a trusting relationship with guys..

I think our imperfect childhood/ poor parental figure can be one of the key factor that drives us to be falling for the same sex (it applies to me).. but I am no longer physically attracted to girls after 29.. after I ended my 7 years long same sex relationship..

do you think that our childhood plays a part in our romantic attractions?
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby cutecactus » Sun Apr 15, 2018 5:11 pm

Wow I could've written this. I figured I may be a closeted lesbian or don't understand what love is, so instead I think I feel it when I'm feeling something else. No idea why though
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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby Dia » Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:40 pm

jaus tail wrote:i struggle with my orientation.

at times i'm a straight guy and want to be muscular n grow beard. at times i want to be with a guy. at times with a girl. the whole identity issue really wrecks the mind.

sexuality isnt black n white. it's more like a spectrum n when one has identity issues, the inconsistency of sexual thoughts makes it confusing for the mind.


Yeah, I try to tell myself that it's on a spectrum and that I don't need to label myself, but I hate not knowing/understanding. I don't have a good understanding of love or myself so it makes it difficult to know. Thanks for replying

-- Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:44 pm --

julllia wrote:this is why i feel sexuailty is biological when i look at myself. i don't know if some intense trauma can change it though. but whatever emotional problem i have or intimacy problem than makes me confused romantically. i am certain i am more sexually attracted to guys.
i know i am not disgusted with girls. i think everyone could be bisexual if he was open minded.


Yeah, I think our sexuality is innate in us, but I also think it's no straight forward and doesn't always fit into a box. I know I'm definitely not straight. If I am bi, I'm more attracted to women, but I find it difficult to know if I like males at all due to attachment issue's. Thanks for replying

-- Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:44 pm --

julllia wrote:this is why i feel sexuailty is biological when i look at myself. i don't know if some intense trauma can change it though. but whatever emotional problem i have or intimacy problem than makes me confused romantically. i am certain i am more sexually attracted to guys.
i know i am not disgusted with girls. i think everyone could be bisexual if he was open minded.


Yeah, I think our sexuality is innate in us, but I also think it's no straight forward and doesn't always fit into a box. I know I'm definitely not straight. If I am bi, I'm more attracted to women, but I find it difficult to know if I like males at all due to attachment issue's. Thanks for replying
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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby Dia » Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:50 pm

themissingme wrote:I am not sure about guys, but for me, as a full grown lady, I used to be bisexual because I didn't have a great relationship with my dad, he was verbally abusive and he has intensive anger outburst when I was young.. (he is an undiagnosed bipolar), thats why I have difficulties forming a trusting relationship with guys..

I think our imperfect childhood/ poor parental figure can be one of the key factor that drives us to be falling for the same sex (it applies to me).. but I am no longer physically attracted to girls after 29.. after I ended my 7 years long same sex relationship..

do you think that our childhood plays a part in our romantic attractions?


I do think our childhood plays a part and I think it's definitely what causes confusion for me. The liking girls side of thing, I'm sure about, but my confusion about whether or not I'm also attracted to men is due to having an absent father. Because my mother was very volatile and had a drinking problem, I fantasised about a dad because I didn't have one and as a child I thought if I did, it would make everything better so whenever an older male shows me attention or takes care of me in some way, I feel safe and become intensely attached straight away and I've always interpreted it as a romantic attraction, but I think it might just be me wanting someone to keep me safe? It definitely is what's caused my confusion

-- Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:54 pm --

cutecactus wrote:Wow I could've written this. I figured I may be a closeted lesbian or don't understand what love is, so instead I think I feel it when I'm feeling something else. No idea why though


This is exactly how I feel too. I find it so hard to know what love feels like too, so it confuses me. It sucks
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Re: Bpd and sexuality

Postby themissingme » Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:28 pm

it would make everything better so whenever an older male shows me attention or takes care of me in some way, I feel safe and become intensely attached straight away and I've always interpreted it as a romantic attraction, but I think it might just be me wanting someone to keep me safe? It definitely is what's caused my confusion


I can totally relate to that.. it's very easy for me to develop feelings if someone is showing me consistent attentions, then I am learning to differentiate the feelings of liking someone -> wanting to know more about him and wanting to give him love, instead of -> just wanting the attentions that someone gives me.. :-< it's tough..
I try to differentiate it by focusing on whether I have the physical attractions towards that guy.. can I imagine kissing/ having sex with him... it does get quite confusing sometimes...

because deep down, I am just the unloved child craving for someone's consistent attentions.. someone to accept and love me unconditionally... to fill up the hole that my parents was not able to fill up...

consciously I know that I will never get the kind of love that has always been missing from my childhood.. but I still want to be loved in some ways :*-? I am sure we all feel the same way here ... :?
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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