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How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

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How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby themissingme » Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:22 pm

I have recently fallen for a guy who's much younger than me
And he is also a colleague
We started talking, we flirted, kissed and did a little more than that

I have feelings for him, like him to an extent and he will occupy my daily thoughts a lot
The more I like him, the more I would randomly turned cold and emotionally withdraw myself at times :(
It is confusing I know...apart from trying to ground myself and stay "sober" and to think like a normal person .. I don't know what else can I do to stop myself from freaking out and then pushing him away!

Does anyone have any thoughts? It's only been a month since we kissed and I have noticed my pattern of withdrawing (due to feeling too intense or paranoid) what else can I do to make this work?
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby chuckyv2 » Sat Apr 14, 2018 11:50 pm

What sort of age gap is it? Is he directly in your working group or in some other department? Obviously, given that we don't know the line of work, we cannot comment on the moralities of actually dating this guy or not.

Are you increasingly finding your days more difficult to manage or is this something that you feel confident that you could push aside, if required?

Kevin
I am former member chucky http://www.psychforums.com/chucky-u5396/, whose account retired with 28,158 posts.
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby themissingme » Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:20 pm

Thanks for your reply Kevin,
he is 25 and I am 33.. with my BPD and dependency trait - my mental age is around 27/28, and I look, act and think like 28 too.. :oops:

The colleague and I work in different teams so there are days that we bump into each other at work and there are days that we did. We have been meeting regularly on the weekend..

There are times that I try to forget about him (it means numbing my emotions) but when I bump into him randomly or when he messages me, my feelings would come back and I would feel sad and afraid that he would stop talking to me... I have learnt to let myself just go with my feelings when I am still feeling it..
I am confident that when it ends, there will be days that I would feel sad, have to cry and grieve about it, but I am sure that I can pick myself up after it :-) Right now I just want to let myself fall when I am feeling it..

My question is.. how can I stop myself from numbing? how to keep myself from freaking out when he is not giving me the attentions that I would like (just to keep myself from feeling insecure).. apart from reasoning with my emotional brain, questioning and challenging my faulty thinking that drives me to an intensive fearful states..

We just spend a night together and we had sex too... after he left, I am starting to freak out :-/
is there anything else that I can do? please share your experience? (I really want to stop myself from numbing....)
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby jaus tail » Sun Apr 15, 2018 4:04 pm

when he is not giving you the attention then you can read his earlier texts or look at the pics of both of you.
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby julllia » Sun Apr 15, 2018 4:14 pm

with my BPD and dependency trait-my mental age is around 27/28, and I look, act and think like 28 too.. :oops:


that is relatable lol. people expect someone at 30 to look like a mom and house wife and old.but a lot of people at 30 now are so immature and look younger and have no clue what they are doing with their lives lol
irrelevant but how do you feel that he is younger.does it bother you?

-- Sun Apr 15, 2018 6:17 pm --

i feel i want someone older to be the baby and accidentally attract younger because i don't match with the lives of older people with families nor style and stuff or at least i find immature 30 year olds :lol:
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby themissingme » Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:40 pm

hmm.. I think it does bother me that he is a little younger.. because I do worry about what other people might think in the office (it's not like I will tell them about it, but what if they find out eventually)
but if this relationship is not going to last forever, who cares whether he is younger or not ;-P
as long as I am happy with him, it's all good.....

yah I am totally attracted to the baby type too..
neither do I look or act like 30 years old as well...
I guess that's okay right?

share me your stories toooo :-D

-- Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:42 pm --

jaus tail wrote:when he is not giving you the attention then you can read his earlier texts or look at the pics of both of you.


:-) thanks.. I will learn to do thattttt...
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby julllia » Mon Apr 16, 2018 1:02 pm

^that is true.


(The pictures don't work because what if he changed his mind lol)
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Re: How to fall in love and not run away/ push people away?

Postby themissingme » Thu Apr 19, 2018 11:55 pm

You are so right....
He just changed his mind
The full story is... his ex was dating him and another guy and I told him that I only want exclusivity
Then he broke it off with his ex and now his ex just broke up with her bf for him

So much drama
I guess I will move on and let him go

-- Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:56 am --

I am feeling so unloved and rejected
This is so sad...
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