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Is this part of BPD?

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Is this part of BPD?

Postby kah80 » Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:45 pm

I have this problem where, I feel terrible for days, and then I might have a couple of good days and that’s nice. But as soon as I have a few more good days, I feel like I’m suddenly cured. Is this part of the BPD extremes/splitting? I tend to feel empty when I’m like this for too long, and also I feel like I don’t want to be cured, so I guess I still have BPD as those are symptoms.

Like at the weekend my wife and I argued and I wrote down stuff about how she hates me, everyone hates me, she’s going to divorce me and I’m worthless and want to die. Yet now a few days later I feel fine. I can’t be cured of BPD that easily, right? I guess part of me knows that it would only take a small trigger and i’ll be feeling terrible again. That’s how it’s always been in the past. Yet every time I think ‘maybe this time I’m cured’. I’m on a DBT waiting list and I feel guilty, like I don’t deserve it as I’m not sick enough. Even though only a few days ago I wanted to die.

Does anyone else go through this? I’m not sure if it’s part of my BPD or whether part is OCD or whether I’m just weird or whether I really have suddenly been cured this time.
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Re: Is this part of BPD?

Postby perejil » Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:07 pm

I think so. I have the same problem and I think it has to do with the dissociative and/or lack of object constancy elements of BPD. There's theories that BPD is related to DID and that these disconnects are really mild expressions of "multiple personalities".

Also, that lack of object constancy (a failure in early childhood to hit that psychological milestone) leads to the kind of fractured emotional states that you're talking about, where you can't remember how you felt just recently and you make these wild leaps from one emotional state to another without any connection in between.

I'm probably not doing justice to those ideas, but...
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.

—Walt Whitman
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Re: Is this part of BPD?

Postby kah80 » Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:45 pm

Thank you- I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this.

On a related point, I used to think I didn’t have any identity issues as I know what I like etc. But I think the emptiness when I feel good for a length of time is because my identity is so wrapped up in having BPD that I can’t adjust to the thought of being without it. The idea of being healthy scares me.
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