i miss the zing of hypomania

i know the long term trade offs are worth it-- stability, goals accomplished on a consistent basis, normalness, lack of racing thoughts.

but i miss the zing of mania. i mean who am i but the loud mouthed hyper person?

i mean i still have my moments, i gushed over a fur hat loudly enough that a passer by older lady commented on the hat as well. i get excited still but it isn't the same.

sigh, i guess i could go off the pills one day if i decided i want to go back.

Me too, except every time I try to trigger it I end up in a mixed episode!
It's really not a good idea to trigger hypomania, albeit very tempting! It's just going to end up getting worse and worse until you're in full blown mania standing on an overpass playing in traffic thinking you're God (that's exactly what happened to me).
Mania is like a drug. It's extremely addictive, very damaging, but it's free! It's quite awful, really.

pemigewasset wrote:Me too, except every time I try to trigger it I end up in a mixed episode!
It's really not a good idea to trigger hypomania, albeit very tempting! It's just going to end up getting worse and worse until you're in full blown mania standing on an overpass playing in traffic thinking you're God (that's exactly what happened to me).
Mania is like a drug. It's extremely addictive, very damaging, but it's free! It's quite awful, really.

i never reach mania only hypo but even then its destructive. it used to be controllable but as i age it gets more out of hand.

Then that's another good reason to avoid it (it being destructive I mean). I've heard that someone with only hypomanic episodes can eventually worsen and get to manic episodes. I believe this is true as I used to never have manic episodes, but now I have mixed manic episodes with psychosis and I really wish I had brought my hypomania up with my treatment team to avoid this.
Please, for your own sake, stay on your meds. It's okay to miss (hypo)mania, but I strongly suggest not trying to trigger an episode.

i became agoraphobic because i was afraid how and what i might do. also, behavior that may be acceptable when you're young and pretty is less attractive as you age. you can get by on youthful folly for so long before people think you're just the weirdo.

people just react to me strangely, like i dont fit in for whatever reason. i'm starting to realise it might be linked to the bipolar. i've noticed that bipolar people have an intense energy other people dont have...

i could never go unnoticed in a room, even sitting quietly.

biancayagger wrote:i know the long term trade offs are worth it-- stability, goals accomplished on a consistent basis, normalness, lack of racing thoughts.

biancayagger wrote:but i miss the zing of mania.

You want to trade?
Why in the world would you want something like that to yourself.
This is horrible.

because it's fun sometimes. lotsa lotsa fun. oyu feel like you're a super star and the world shines brighter truer.

i'm sure heroin's the same. gawd, ou have to have a good side to the hell of something. flipside of the coin ja?

biancayagger wrote:gawd, ou have to have a good side to the hell of something. flipside of the coin ja?

Jawohl.