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How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Sat Dec 08, 2018 2:27 pm

Hi all
Just popped back in to update:

Im doing much better, my meds and dose for chronic pain seems to be finally working a bit...
so we shall see how they do.

ive kinda started seeing a guy, nothing serious just fun (i dont want my possessive/obsessive behavior to come out again so im taking it real slow) im doing ok restraining myself from txting a lot :P

he doesnt live in my village so its easier.


hugs to all who need/want
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:38 pm

###$ ###$ ###$ ###$

I can't think straight. I'm in shock. I shouldn't be surprised. Should I lay a charge? I don't like doing that. Addicts behave like this. I behaved like that. I care too much to punish them for their actions when I was never punished myself. Is this karma? Do I feel that I deserve this? At least I'm okay. I'm alright. I'm okay. I'm not okay.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Sun Dec 09, 2018 1:07 am

^I sometimes wonder the same thing.
What happened?
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sun Dec 09, 2018 7:53 pm

Someone pretended to need help in order to coerce money out of me and I was betrayed by a so called "friend". I am not holding on to it. I've had a really great day actually. I spent it with my family and we had a long talk about various things and a few bridges have been mended. Everything is looking up. We are moving which was something I was not happy about but now I am excited by the prospect. I tried ice cream for the first time today and my father gave me his chess set.

I went "missing" for twelve hours yesterday and I thought that they would all be mad at me but in reality they were all really concerned and genuinely happy that I arrived home safely.

Today is the first time that I feel like I have a chance to have a fulfilled life. All the pieces are joining together and I am starting to see the art assembling out of the puzzle.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Mon Dec 10, 2018 4:05 am

^I get mixed feelings from all of this. I don't know what to say or feel. Confusing.
It's interesting timing. Yesterday my sister made green tea icecream from scratch for the first time and bought it over. I don't eat sweet things usually but I had a little spoonful.
I too am repairing my relationship with my family. It's more or less pleasant while it's happening but afterwards I feel wonky.

It's a little unsettling. I had to go to bed early while they chatted outside because I didn't know what to do. It's like when I don't know what to do with my hands awkwardly all of a sudden. I get these emotions and they are like arms stiffly clutching pearls unsure of where they should be or how to move them properly when I talk. Where do I place these things? where does it go!?

Booked a one way plane ticket this morning.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby octopustentacles » Fri Dec 21, 2018 12:50 am

Very depressed. The usual.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:18 pm

I'm feeling incredibly depressed at the moment and I am trying to fight through each day but it's a struggle. I don't want to live. I'm always waiting for things to get better and I believe that I am pulling my weight in that bargain but they never do. Everything good that happens just seems like a set up to let me down. I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm losing what little optimism I had left.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sun Dec 23, 2018 8:10 am

I don't think I can do this anymore.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Sun Dec 23, 2018 8:31 am

^Don't. This will pass. It feels like it has always been and always will but it's not. This will pass.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Elastic Heart » Mon Dec 24, 2018 1:04 pm

xcagedsilhouttex wrote:I don't think I can do this anymore.


You can. This too will pass. <3
Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
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