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How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Fri Nov 02, 2018 12:27 am

Echinacea wrote:@Star dust
I used to think the same ..."how do i get rid of this anger towards people that have hurt me",
(for me) i want Karma to help out a bit ...i wait for the day that they "need me" and i wont be there for them "again"

As for the built up resentment, anger and negative energy i swim ...some people run it off
(you know what i mean)?

i can imagine any sport would get rid of that stagnant energy even sex .

try not to pop Star dust ...i know its hard



@Autumn218
toxic people - yes ive done the same. i will not have toxic people around me anymore, i / we have to protect ourselves from that.


Thanks Echinacea. Yes I so need to try a sport. I want to go boxing or learn a martial art. I’ve been exercising lately and have got a lot fitter through it. And I plan to exercise a lot more. I need to find an intense sport. Sex is probably not a good way to get rid of my excess demonic angry energy.... lol *pictures self as killer dominatrix who ties and blindfolds men before torturing and castrating them...* hahah yeah I think I’ll go boxing :lol:
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sat Nov 03, 2018 4:28 pm

I made a bunch of impulsive decisions yesterday and now my best friend has completely blocked me out of her life and in reaction to that, I made a bunch of impulsive decisions which meant the only other person in my life that I care about will probably never want to talk to me again.

I am finding it hard to retain any sort of will to stay clean and to not self harm. I am finding it hard to find any reason to keep living when my life is filled with nothingness and momentary stabs of pain and nothing more.

I am at the point of giving up.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby octopustentacles » Sun Nov 04, 2018 2:14 am

Anxious. First posts are hard I guess.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Wed Nov 07, 2018 3:34 pm

star dust wrote:
Thanks Echinacea. Yes I so need to try a sport. I want to go boxing or learn a martial art. I’ve been exercising lately and have got a lot fitter through it. And I plan to exercise a lot more. I need to find an intense sport. Sex is probably not a good way to get rid of my excess demonic angry energy.... lol *pictures self as killer dominatrix who ties and blindfolds men before torturing and castrating them...* hahah yeah I think I’ll go boxing :lol:



Sorry ive not been on site for a little while (own stuff going on atm)

How did your decision go?
did you manage to go boxing ?
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Wed Nov 07, 2018 6:14 pm

For the first time this year, I am feeling really positive about the way forward.

I think I have overcome some of my insecurities to the point where I actually feel like I can achieve something which has given me the strength to actually plan ahead.

I've always wanted to own a small shop selling really strange almost occultish items but coming from a family of doctors I have always felt that my ambitions were not on par with what my family has expected of me and I felt like I was doomed to fail before starting.

I am starting to realise that I do not need to live up to the expectations of others. Just because I want a very basic career and a modest life does not make me a failure. It's my enjoyment of life that matters and doing what makes me happy.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby TastySquidgey » Wed Nov 07, 2018 9:07 pm

I'm anxious about a friend I care about who is feeling suicidal. I feel like a terrible friend because I can't make them feel better.

I almost called an ambulance on them and it made them feel worse, I only want to help them but in reality I just hurt them more. I feel like a terrible person.
borderline, general anxiety disorder, depression
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:42 pm

I am feeling irritated with someone in my life who is constantly lying and I am having to hold my tongue about it or otherwise risk yet another fight with a friend I have already nearly lost because he can do nothing wrong in her eyes.

I hate people edgelording because they feel the need to impress their badassery on those around them and feel the need to pretend they know everyone to prove they are the $#%^.

The same person also keeps giving out my number to everyone he meets without my permission and he is also going around sharing intimate information about me with strangers.

He is crass and undignified. It just seems like my friend is with him because she has gained weight and utterly lost confidence in herself. He is old enough to be her father and yet she pays for everything and drives him around everywhere. He constantly emotionally manipulates her to the point where she cannot be away from him for more than 6 hours and in those 6 hours he needs a call on the hour.

I understand that in my role as designated friend, I have to support her decisions on who she wants to date but I just think that she could do better for herself.

And she needs to stop eating so much junk food which he seems to be perpetuating on purpose. Objectively she is at a healthy weight maybe heading on the unhealthy side but if she just substituted her meal options for healthier ones she would naturally slim down and gain her confidence back.

I wish I could open her eyes and she could see what I see. This man has no concern over her actual well being. He knows that her family will disown her and send her to Germany if they find out and yet he called her father to say he was spending time with her tonight. He is going to destroy every friendship and relationship she has with someone other than him because he wants her all to himself and he wants to keep her dependent on him.

We promised each other that we wouldn't keep quiet if we headed down the same road with boyfriends and I let her speak her mind about the person I was seeing but yet I am not allowed to speak mine.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:57 pm

I am feeling lonely in the way that there are constantly people around me right now but I am not feeling any connection to anyone in my life which makes everything a bit surreal. Sometimes I compare being a living human to being a distant star in the sky. We can see each other and know that we are there in the same universe but we are too far apart to ever touch.

Physically touching someone still feels like worlds apart.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby RamadanSteve » Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:02 pm

xcagedsilhouttex wrote: Sometimes I compare being a living human to being a distant star in the sky. We can see each other and know that we are there in the same universe but we are too far apart to ever touch..



I just wanted to tell you that I really like what you wrote and I think it's really poetic. I feel like that too sometimes.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:42 pm

^thanks, that's sweet.

I found out something I was never meant to and I am not sure how to respond to this person now. I know the intentions behind his words and I know the words he wants to hear and why he wants to hear them. That was a silly move by his heart's actions considering that he knows me and what I am like. How far am I from what he wants but he is only seeing the parts he wants to see.

I know that now there is no chance I won't hurt him and that's sad because I never wanted to. I need to handle this delicately.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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