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How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby touchmyhaircut » Mon Sep 03, 2018 7:54 pm

i keep spiraling in this cycle of insecurity, jealous and fear of my gf leaving lately; i'm not incredibly used to this in such an intense way. even a inkling of certain people, concepts (the delusional concept of revisiting an idea of sex w/ others when i wasn't even in the picture yet), stories/nightmares cooked up by even hearing names, which leaves me feeling completely useless ... like another cog in a machine, notch in a belt

and i can tell she does love and care for me as she says, although i have a lot of trouble really understanding what she means.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Andrea12 » Tue Sep 04, 2018 2:41 pm

Hopeless and lonely
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Elastic Heart » Mon Sep 10, 2018 1:58 pm

Tired, stressed, and a little pissed off. On the ninth day of my period. Ninth!! Also I fail at everything. Nothing can just be fine, ever, not even the easiest things. I hate being whiny too so I never talk to anyone about this and I feel like such a brat when I do, but it's getting too hard to pretend I'm fine. I know it's my fault but it's kinda hard to stay on top of everything when your mind just floats away without you realizing it every time you think you're starting to grasp reality. Alt flyter og jeg vet snart ikke hva jeg skal gjøre, haha. Been fighting with my boyfriend so much lately too, like when I think about us I know we are meant to be and I love him so much, but then he says some dumb $#%^ and everything turns black. I want to leave but at the same time I'd rather die. I hope this will get better once I have major stress factors #1 and possibly #2 out of the way and when my hormones stabilize a bit. I'm thinking of staying away from him this week since I'm dog sitting, spending some time alone and allow myself to just breathe and watch dumb movies that are terrible but still make me feel better actually sounds really great. I could invite my new friend! Yes. But will have to go talk to boyfriend and get my stuff anyway.
Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Sun Sep 16, 2018 8:59 am

I feel incredibly anxious.
I am becoming very depressed again. Horribly so.
I feel so anxious right now even though there’s no real reason for me to feel anxious.
I feel like a useless waste of space. I’m so confused. I’m always confused.
I have been having extremely strong suicidal urges lately. I hate being conscious so much.
I’m also so confused by these states of mind that change all the time.
I really feel for anybody who has any form of PTSD because it’s hell. I’m still having horrifying flashbacks and nightmares. I’m still constantly numb and then having episodes of just..... pure insanity. When those come my brain numbs me again. It knows it needs to to survive. It sucks.
Sometimes I’ve triggered myself on purpose. Thinking the pain and terror will be better. Then I’ve regretted it. Either state is torture.
Sometimes I feel uncontrollably angry at everyone who contributed to it. Others, I feel, actually it’s all my fault.
I brought it upon myself. And this is my punishment. I want to just move on. I still think I’m in denial that I’m mentally ill. I always have been and think I always will be.
I have been sat here repeating ‘I’m not crazy’ over and over to myself.
I don’t even try to help myself though. Not at all. I don’t try any coping techniques. I don’t try anything. And then I beat myself up for it. Feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on how $#%^ I am because I don’t try to help myself is just going to make me feel worse isn’t it. It’s like I’m feeding my excuses not to help myself. But I can’t. Cause I don’t see the point.
I’m also so tired all the time. I’m terrified. I am worried something is physically really wrong with me.
But I’ve given up on humanity. I’ve given up on anything or anyone being able to help me.
I am ill, I’m so ill. I feel so powerless to do anything about it.
I can’t let them take my life. I can’t let evil win.
I feel like asking to be put in hospital. But what’s the point. They won’t anyway. I’m not ‘ill’ enough. And they’d just make me more ill. They’ll hurt me even more. They like doing that. They don’t care about us. They’d probably abuse me just cause they could, physically mentally and emotionally, and ###$ with my brain even more on purpose, cause whose gonna believe me?


Sending my love to everyone out there who’s struggling and alone right now because I know how f*cking hard it is. I wish I could make it better.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Sun Sep 16, 2018 12:35 pm

I see we are all struggling at the moment

I am a coming to terms with my ex having a new GF ...
(closing the door on him ever using me as his backup when things go wrong in his life like he has done for the last 2 years)

i am detaching myself from him for my own sake.
i must remember to look after myself and learn to think of (me) first.

Sending hugs and my thoughts to you all.
stay strong
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Spiked » Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:26 pm

Trying to come to terms with who I am/if there is something wrong with me...
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:39 pm

I am angry. Very angry. Furious.
Once again, I feel trapped in a cage. I think I’ve felt trapped in a cage my whole life.
I try to have a positive attitude and I try to take on board what I’m supposed to do.
But I can’t deal with this monstrous anger inside of me. It is sickening and frightful.
I feel angry at people. People who have hurt me, contributed to hurting me or contributed to my developing mentally the way I have developed. All the self loathing, all the hatred. All the self destructiveness. The depression.
So I’m blaming. I’m blaming them all. And I feel intense hatred. Intense. So intense. I want bad bad bad things to happen to them all. I want them to suffer. I want them to hurt. And I want to do it.
I know this is messed up. But I do. I wish I could be a person who moves on and doesn’t let these things effect them. Who takes responsibility for their own life. Who realised that they haven’t had control over the past but they have control over now. HOWEVER, I don’t have full control over now as I can’t even function properly as a human being hahahahaha and why can’t I? Because of all of them.
Somethings happened to me in the last few years. All the things I’ve been through have come out of their hiding places in my brain. Things I didn’t want to face or admit. Things I forced myself not to remember. Maybe I was protecting myself. Because now, the lion has been released from its cage, but it’s inside this other little place I’ve built myself to contain it. But this place is fragile, and it’s fighting to get out. And I almost want it to. But I’m afraid of what it’s going to do.
How do you release anger in a healthy way. I also don’t think this therapist has a clue what she’s doing. I tried. I really tried. They don’t take me seriously. They think I’m just some little girl who is just highly emotionally unstable and sensitive. And they also think I’m stupid. I don’t know what to do. My insides feel full of rage. And there’s nowhere for it to go.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Autumn218 » Fri Sep 28, 2018 5:03 pm

It is easier for me to say it now that i am away from toxic people. When i was still with them i wanted to die.
But i reaized the best revenge is to be happy.
And try in any way to get away from them.
And karma will take revenge for you into them.
I don't know how to deal with anger advice because empathy maybe ? makes me turn it in.
I mean sure there is subconstious need for revenge and a short period where i am angry but then it turns into depression and not constant anger as feeling.
I have heard people say anger is what makes them continue living and motivate.well it feels annoying to me more than depression.because you can't act on it.
The feeing that yu have to control your anger is more annoying than depression in myself

-- Fri Sep 28, 2018 7:06 pm --

But i also think people shouldn't be always happy and avoid negative feelings .to repress all negative feelings is abusive as much as the opposite of not letting other be happy
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Autumn218 » Fri Sep 28, 2018 5:17 pm

I feel stuck
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Mon Oct 01, 2018 6:05 am

@Star dust
I used to think the same ..."how do i get rid of this anger towards people that have hurt me",
(for me) i want Karma to help out a bit ...i wait for the day that they "need me" and i wont be there for them "again"

As for the built up resentment, anger and negative energy i swim ...some people run it off
(you know what i mean)?

i can imagine any sport would get rid of that stagnant energy even sex .

try not to pop Star dust ...i know its hard



@Autumn218
toxic people - yes ive done the same. i will not have toxic people around me anymore, i / we have to protect ourselves from that.
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