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How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Fri Aug 24, 2018 8:47 pm

I’m so sad!! :(
I’m a child :(
Everything is wrong. I feel sick. I feel sick. No one is here :(
No ones ever gonna be here :(
No one loves me :(
No one is there :(
I feel like dying again. Really really badly.
I’m hurting so much.
I’m worthless :( I’m nottthhinnnnnnnnnnng.
I just want to cry for forever. But forever still wouldn’t be long enough to release all this hurt.
It hurts so bad :( why. Why why why why why
I know I’m pathetic. I know I’m stupid. But I can’t help it.
It hurrrrrrrrrrrts it’s all I can see and I don’t see a way out ever and nobody cares.
Nobody cares. How am I to ever recover.
No one’s ever going to love me. I’m done. No one loves me. I need to just accept it. But I can’t :(
I’m a child :( but I’m not I’m a stupid adult.
I may as well end it.
NOBODY LOVES ME
I KNOW I SOUND SO PATHETIC. I AMMMM SO PATHETIC.
But what is the point of living without love. Why I am I so unloveable?
Why was I born?! :(
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I’m writing all this sobbing.
I can’t breathe or think. God it hurts!!!!
I’m alone. I’M ALONE. WHY DID NOONE LOVE ME :( WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I’m so stupid. I hate myself. I feel like an abandoned baby.
I am an abandoned baby :( but why should anyone care about me.
I’m so ###$ up. I hate myself.
It’s never going to stoppppppppppppppp. EVERYONE LEAVES ME EVEYONE HATES ME NOONE IS EVER GONNA BE THERE FOR ME :( I’M CHOKING ON ALL THE PAIN I FEEL RIGHT NOW. ITS KILLING ME. :(
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I wana beat the $#%^ out of myself cuz I don’t deserve to breathe :’((((
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby themissingme » Sat Aug 25, 2018 11:02 am

-sad that things always come to an end (because that's the nature of things, everythings end on this world)
-sad that my close colleague, probably the only friend that I am close to at work, he will probably be resigning soon.. I am sad that I have lost him as a only friend at work
-sad that my manager is no longer happy for my achievements because she is not in the best place herself right now
(I projected my needs of having a mother onto her, so she is like a second mum to me as she taught me quite a bit at work) she was happy for my achievements but she no longer is because she didn't meet her sales target yet and she is very overwhlemed about a lot of things
- sad that I am realizing we are only colleagues at work, she never really care about me for real but the billings. everything she did was just to keep me in the job but not really thinking for me
-> sad that I am still single in a way, i met a guy earlier but after speaking to him for 3 weeks, met up couple times and he started to ask if he can sleep over at my place, which was quite a turnoff. because we are not there yet emotionally.. it feels like he is only seeing me as a "cupcake" but not someone he wants to spend time to get to know for real (I didn't say yes to that, I just said no as I only let a serious boyfriend stay over) I think I did the right thing because I no longer want to give out my body like this just because I am lonely
We will have sex only because our relationship matures to that point but not because I am lonely or you were lonely or because it's a friday or saturday night
as a BPD, I get overwhelm easily if I rush things.. I need to take it very slow to trust, slowly let things build up before giving in my body
I think I did the right thing for myself, but I am upset that he left and no longer gives me the attention

of course I don't need to spend time in feeling sorry for losing someone who didn't treasure me or make the effort to get to know me enough but just coming to me for sex.
oh well.. I am still lonely though and that's very sad. :cry:
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Sun Aug 26, 2018 7:07 pm

I hate myself. I feel so completely and utterly ashamed of myself. I feel like I’ve never hated myself more than I do right now. I feel disgusting. Being in my own skin makes me want to die. I am so low. I see no future. I am lost. Alone. Beaten. Defeated. Broken. Damaged. Worthless.
I’ve never felt more of an alien in the world than I do at the moment. I can’t relate to anyone anymore. I’m craving people but at the same time don’t want to be around people as they keep making me feel sick. I am truly disgusted with myself.
I’m also terrified. And I don’t see how I can get out of it. I can’t see a way out. And I have nobody. Nobody to help me, nobody that understands. I want to save myself but I can’t :(
I’m so lost.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Sun Aug 26, 2018 8:48 pm

Hilariously I now feel loads better :lol: !!! Wow. I can’t keep up with my mood swings lately....
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby themissingme » Mon Aug 27, 2018 1:45 pm

after really seeing the fact that my manager is no longer happy with my billing..
or even jealous about my billing..

I am losing the interests at work.. I can still do the job really well.. but I lost the interests in working really hard.. I guess it's because I was dying for her validation or acknowledgement... and Now.. I need to work for myself. not for anyone else. It can be for my cat
for my future house, my future saving.. or all other s***, but the truth is.. I want approval and acknowledgement the most.. maybe I should go back to my mum for that..
share my achievement with her....
instead of expecting my manager to "approve" or "validate" me
I should go back to my mum!

ask for my mum to approve me.. validate me and acknowledge my success :->
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby themissingme » Mon Aug 27, 2018 2:06 pm

I am sad that the guy I had been talking for over 3 weeks, met up couple times (no kissing or sex, just held hands and hugs).. disappeared after asking if he could sleep over at my place. I said no of course.. because we are not even couples.. and we have only known each other for 3 weeks..
but it's sad that he's gone and no longer speaking to me

part of me is real mad, furious because he ghosted on me after me rejecting him
part of me is hurt and sad.. I thought he could be different.. because he was by far the guy who gave me the most attentions in the past 2.5 years..
part of me is upset.. and I felt like wanting to cry because I am feeling rejected because no one wants me now :-(
part of me is very very sad.. feeling so lonely and alone...
I know I did it right by not letting him easily get to sleep with me..
I know I need to play it slow
but it's sad and devastating when I am all by myself again.. because I am so so so lonely...
I need some human warmth...
I need warm hugs.. I need someone who cares about me and someone I care about..

I think I like him to some extent. but not enough for me to want to give love..
I like the attentions that he gives me..
I like that he always speaks to me..
but it's said that he no longer calls or texts for 3 days..
:-/
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Tue Aug 28, 2018 2:11 pm

Frustrated. Sickened with human beings. Sickened by my family. Angry at myself. Been slamming my head against a wall repeatedly. It doesn’t hurt, my head just feels numb. I want it to hurt.
Now I just feel numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. I hate myself. Im a self destructive piece of $#%^.

-- Tue Aug 28, 2018 2:21 pm --

themissingme wrote:I am sad that the guy I had been talking for over 3 weeks, met up couple times (no kissing or sex, just held hands and hugs).. disappeared after asking if he could sleep over at my place. I said no of course.. because we are not even couples.. and we have only known each other for 3 weeks..
but it's sad that he's gone and no longer speaking to me

part of me is real mad, furious because he ghosted on me after me rejecting him
part of me is hurt and sad.. I thought he could be different.. because he was by far the guy who gave me the most attentions in the past 2.5 years..
part of me is upset.. and I felt like wanting to cry because I am feeling rejected because no one wants me now :-(
part of me is very very sad.. feeling so lonely and alone...
I know I did it right by not letting him easily get to sleep with me..
I know I need to play it slow
but it's sad and devastating when I am all by myself again.. because I am so so so lonely...
I need some human warmth...
I need warm hugs.. I need someone who cares about me and someone I care about..

I think I like him to some extent. but not enough for me to want to give love..
I like the attentions that he gives me..
I like that he always speaks to me..
but it's said that he no longer calls or texts for 3 days..
:-/


You did do the right thing and I’m sorry you are feeling sad. I hope you meet someone better <3
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Tue Aug 28, 2018 3:45 pm

I am so numb I feel dead.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Thu Aug 30, 2018 7:41 am

star dust wrote:Hilariously I now feel loads better :lol: !!! Wow. I can’t keep up with my mood swings lately....


I just logged on nd read what you say above,
yes ofc it feels better when we (me and you) rant, im usually fine after ive said whats on my mined and why im feeling/upset with ________ (emotion)

(for me) ive got stuff going on with my self atm too, mainly doctors aps
im feeling fed up atm...sick of the same $#%^ on a different day

i hope your feeling i little better Stardust
keep strong
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Thu Aug 30, 2018 7:47 am

themissingme wrote:but it's said that he no longer calls or texts for 3 days..
:-/


Sorry that he is "punishing you" for saying no, if you feel you did the right thing then focus on that you were right to say no...and if hes the right one he'll be back, if hes not and he just wanted sex then he wont.

3 days isnt that long (ofc when you are used to daily contact it feels long)
give it 2 weeks (distract yourself with something, while your waiting) i know its hard to not focus all your attention on him and the "why" (i did this too for years) with my ex's, but ive found that if i didnt chase them they contacted me first.

Stay strong, try and not chase
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