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How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby djmotion » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:07 am

Jealous, abandoned, lonely, paranoid and angry.

My girl best friend told me she couldn't go far from home cause she been having anxiety problems then last night pictures are posted to Facebook in another town with her friends so what am I meant to think? Not been to see me in 9 months so if she don't want to see me I don't get why she doesn't just say it. RANT OVER!!!
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby PurpleWarrior » Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:48 pm

Sad

My mother is going on a trip for 3 weeks. Her and i are very close, im very attached to her, we love each other very much even though in my bad moments i treat her very bad, but she loves me and i love her. I am trying very hard not to feel abandoned and alone. I am sad but im trying to think she'll have fun and she deserves it.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:52 pm

Annoyed


Why the ###$ it is that i will do anything for anyone but promises to help me always get second ######6 place when they get a better offer !!!

i am sick of this $#%^

i promised myself i wouldnt let people use me or take advantage of my kindness, i never say no to anyone.

###$ them all
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:09 am

So sad and lonely and depressed. I feel numb. I can't even feel anymore.
I can't let the sadness out. I have been thinking a lot about suicide today. Going through one of those stages again where the more I think about it the more it comforts me and the more appealing it becomes. Because I can not see a future in which I'll be happy.
I can't see a future where I'll ever feel again.
And I can't see a future where I will ever have friends or a relationship that isn't going to leave me.
Relationships come and go and it's the way it's always been. They'll never last.
I'm never going to find someone to be with forever. That really sunk in today. I will probably never ever have a life long partner. I'm not going to grow old with someone happy. Have a happy life.
It won't happen. I'm never going to be loved. Properly loved. I don't think I'm capable of allowing myself to be fully and properly loved even if someone were to try their damned hardest.
I'm basically doomed. And it hurts. So what's the point. I'm never going to be able to experience life like others. Never experience happiness like others.
I am so sad.
And I miss my abusive ex again. For some reason. I know I'm stupid for it but... I realised I'm never gonna see him again. He will probably die and I'll never see him or speak to him again :cry:
All the angers gone again. I can't connect with it.
I just wanna see him and us to be together and happy. But, I don't know whether he ever really loved me. I don't know whether I truly ever loved him. Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't know what love is.
All the joy and beauty has been sucked out of soul. And out the world.
I don't know if I have it in me to continue. There is nothing left. And no one is going to stop me.
My family don't even know me. I'm just an empty shell.
I've fought too hard for too long and I just don't see the point in continuing. I could ring some crisis line but why bother they don't give a ###$. They really don't.
Just one less whining person ay. I don't know if I can do it anymore :(
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:26 am

I feel like humans are aliens. There is no one I can relate to anymore.
I am all alone and I can't handle it. And the hospitals find me annoying. They don't want me. They don't want to help. I bother them. And they don't even try to hide it, they make it so obvious.
I can't carry on.
I can't carry on I don't know what to do. I am being slowly tortured.
I feel like NOTHING would make me happy anymore. Give me all my wildest dreams. It wouldn't make a difference. I'm going into a very depressive stage I think. And they can last so long.
I honestly have been through so many I don't think I can handle more.
Emptiness nothingness. What lies beyond killing myself? Something better? Relief?
There is also however insane amounts of anger inside me. That I can't release. I think this is the cause.
I have rage inside me so massive that when it comes I do not know what to do with it and it's rather frightening. I have very disturbing urges and thoughts. I feel completely out of control. It's like demonic. I'm sure I read somewhere depression is anger turned inward. I agree with that.
If there's nowhere for it to go it ends up stored inside and slowly rotting you.
But I have no clue what to do about it. I'm seeing a therapist soon. Who I've seen before and was absolutely awful. So I've already been let down by them in the past so I'm not expecting much.
I'm sorry to blab so much.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Echinacea » Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:00 am

@stardust
I'm sorry to blab so much.


You can "blab" as much a you need too here, thats what this thread is for ...to blurt out as how your feeling.

We all do it
So never feel that you cant be heard ok


keep strong
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Mon Jul 16, 2018 11:03 pm

Echinacea wrote:@stardust
I'm sorry to blab so much.


You can "blab" as much a you need too here, thats what this thread is for ...to blurt out as how your feeling.

We all do it
So never feel that you cant be heard ok


keep strong


Thank you. <3 x

I am feeling a little better at this moment. I am emotionally exhausted and drinking tea.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby Stacer17 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 12:45 am

Intimidated. Just realizing I have BPD; it's not just hormones, nor "normal". Can relate to posts -- realizing this is actually "a thing". Hopeful that because I can acknowledge it I can change, but intimidated that everyone is here because it's a lifelong battle.

I want to be in control.
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Tue Jul 17, 2018 1:41 pm

Stacer17 wrote:intimidated that everyone is here because it's a lifelong battle.

I want to be in control.


I’ve been in a constant battle with myself for years. I also want to be in control but I think trying to control it made me more ill. And denial. So I accepted it. Thought f*** it. That also made me worse. Still trying to figure out how to find a happy medium/balance. I don’t think bpd and balance really go together though haha
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Re: How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Postby star dust » Tue Jul 17, 2018 1:54 pm

I’m drinking again. I was doing so well. But it’s snook up on me so quickly.
I don’t want to drink anymore. It’s weird as for a while I didn’t find it hard not to drink, I just didn’t.
It’s an odd thing. I thought I had a hold of it but now I can’t seem to stop again.
I don’t really know what to do.
I know I need to stop before it becomes a real problem again but, I can’t be bothered. It’s helping me.
I said to myself yesterday, tomorrow is a new day. I’m going to change my life. But someone left a bottle of wine on the side and I’ve drunk it in lieu of lunch. Whoops.
I don’t know who I’m fooling, all I want is to be wasted. I feel like partying and going mad actually. I’m in a sociable mood.
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