Bipolar

I have been looking up on Bipolar and i feel that many of the symptoms relate to me.

I have been depressed for 18 years and i feel like its becoming a problem in my life. Iv now admitted to having an anger problem with Adults that frustrate me, when i dont like the way someone talks to me or likes something they say i dont talk, i shout and scream (also aggressive). Things spiral out of control and then i start to get Suicidal thoughts. Some of my friends seem to think im doing this for attention but in my head im thinking it but not able to do it because i worry about how my 3 year old boy would cope without me. One week im on a high the next im not. If something stressful happens in my life i go quiet and not able to deal with it the way other people do. It brings back all the childhood memories that was bad. Im finding it hard to get out of this negative thinking. I come up with excuses in not taking part in Kayaking (however when i get there i throughly enjoy it and have a great time with laugher etc). I dont eat a thing when im on a down but on a high i eat normally. Low self esteem. No confidence (very rarely some of confidence comes back).

I jump from one conversation to the next. Im very forgetful which frustrates me as i cant defend my sell when there is a problem.
If iv had a bad day i go in my own little world and dont hear anything but my own thoughts. If i dont like something i get up and leave rather than deal with the problems that may arise. I can be like this for a period of from up to a few weeks to a few months. Sleeping pattens have changed to less sleep. I cant bear to think i have to have sex as it makes me feels sick to think that i would have to.

My partner has supportive over these last few months with work and friend problems, however today i got aggressive with him and tried to kick him in the privates because he said 'since you have been off work you have done nothing' and he also said 'your lazy'. So i went off my rocker as i have looked after our son, done paper work he has asked me to do, shopping and cleaned the home. So he called me a 'psycho and mental'. I drove away in my car thinking suicidal thoughts and then thought of my boy so went back home to get Liam. I then thought i always run away and im sick of running. My partner apologized to me and was upset that he had said what he said. I just cried and cried.

Iv been diagnosed by my doctor with Anxiety, Depression and Stress. As i am not a doctor i dont want to say to the doctor have i got bipolar as i would feel stupid.

Does anyone think from some of the things i have said that i may have it and it may be worth mentioning this to my doctor.

My sisters say i need help, iv had counseling last year and thought i was better but all these feeling are coming back.

Regards

Hi, LALA! This is definitely worth mentioning to your therapist, anything that you think might be going on or anything that might be causing you pain is worth mentioning to them. You deserve to get better. Did they put you on any meds by the way?
The psych is the only one who could really tell you what is going on, but you can talk to them about this.

Hi jasmin

Thank you for your reply. I did mention it to the doctors but he said to me that its a mental illness and that iv not got it. However, my partner and his mum and dad have looked up on this and everything that is on there relates to me apart from i dont use drugs and Drink alcohol. This is because my mum did this when i was a kid and would never put my child through the same i went through.

Iv been ok these last fews days, trying to think positive and going for runs etc. I feel its helping a little.

Im not on any meds, just seeing a guy who is helping me with my anger at the moment. I do find that talking helps me a lot and i calm down when im having suicidal thoughts.

Me, my partner and his parents have had a chat and we all think its a good idea that my partner comes to the doctors with me to explain what im like as i forget many things.

Lisa

The doctors didn't tell you that you could use meds, if you have depression? It's not my place to give advice on medication, but I think you should bring it up to them.
Good luck with the talk you're going to have with your docs, you deserve to work this out.