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Obsession over hands is more than I can handle

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Obsession over hands is more than I can handle

Postby badatheboom » Fri Sep 10, 2021 9:16 am

Hi all, I am posting partly to get this off my chest, but also to seek reassurance.

I am 27 and have probably had BDD for a long time, but only diagnosed within the last three years.

The obsessive thoughts have mostly centred on facial features, but for the past few months it has moved to my hands, and it is becoming unbearable.

I am a tall man with objectively small hands. They are probably the size of a 5ft6 man's hands. When I look in the mirror, I see comically disproportionate hands, and believe I will never be taken seriously as a man (my women and other men) because of them.

When the obsession is over something like the jaw/chin area, I am able to cope with it because I know there are options to correct these flaws. But with hands, you are truly stuck with what you've got. I will always have tiny hands relative to my height.

Now, before a few months ago, I had never considered the size of another person's hands, let alone my own. But now I can't unsee it, and I check out the hand size of every passing stranger I see.

To get to the point, I suppose I have some questions:

1) Do you notice if a man has fragile-looking, disproportionately small hands (and/or women with large hands)?

2) If you notice, does it affect the way you view him (especially in terms of attractiveness or dominance/masculinity)?

3) IS THIS EVEN A BIG DEAL? Sometimes I think nobody will notice, and there are 50 more important factors re a man's attractiveness. But other times, I worry that small hands is a deal breaker and precludes me from being perceived as masculine.

So far I've been able to power through the BDD and continue living a relatively productive life. But the hand thing is really, really getting to me. It makes me feel hopeless and contemplate suicide at times.

Thanks for taking the time to read. :)
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Re: Obsession over hands is more than I can handle

Postby El Nino » Sat Sep 11, 2021 4:17 pm


1) No. On a rare occasion I might notice a woman with large hands. I don't recall it ever being a deal-breaker.

2) Minimally or not at all.

3) The most common projection error for men is to fixate wholly on looks, because men themselves are so looks-oriented. Looks are not irrelevant, but there are evolutionary reasons why women are attracted more on men’s behavior.

Do yourself a favor and stop the comparing thing and the rest of the rituals. They do not help. They never remove the doubt. I’ve been there a thousand times. Your problem is in your mind.
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