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My BDD returned again worse than in a long time

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My BDD returned again worse than in a long time

Postby sofia996 » Mon Nov 09, 2020 12:52 am

Hi everyone, I've been writing here before about my BDD related to my hair. Two years ago my life was a living hell as I cut my own hair in the ugliest hairstyle ever, got extensions to try to cover it up bit it just got worse as the extensions got curly and could t blend in with my straight hair and i cut my hair just to make it fit with my own. Guess the result when the hairdresser took the extensions out after all the cutting I had done to my hair? It was the worst haircut ive ever had and I couldnt show anyone, had to wear a hoodie even though it was 30 degrees that summer and I felt so ugly and ashamed that I wouldnt let my closest relatives see me.

And guess what? After I recovered so fine and stopped eating my antidepressants some months ago, and even started to go out with guys (something I couldn't do before) I have cut my hair again to an ugly short hairstyle!!! :( I took the scissor in my hand some weeks ago when everything was fine and I cut it a little too short so that I'm no longer pretty in the way i used to be.

I feel so angry at myself of what I've done. I mean, I'm 24 years old and things were going well for me. I looked fine four weeks ago and finally got to feel what ut feels like to kiss a man and to have someone's arms around my body. I finally got compliments and got to know how it feels to be wanted by someone. But then I cut of every aspect that felt good in my life - the guys who were attracted to me, my well being and that feeling of feeling sexy/goodlooking. I miss that so much. Now I look like $#%^. My family tries to tell me it's "just hair" and nothing to feel concerned about, but I seriously can't stop caring about it being to short and ugly as it's completely linked to my wellbeing. I don't find my myself pretty anymore so therefore I can't feel happy. I just can't. I try to change my way of thinking, i seriously do as Im trying to fight the BDD- monster i side of me who tells me every day that I have to care, that this is the most inportant thing to me, but it's so hard seriously. I mean, why shouldn't I care? The haircut is on me and it looks unsexy and ugly to my face which also will make men uninrerested in me. So therefore it's totally important business to me. But seriously it breaks me inside to not be able to date anymore or to meet men. I think i look so ugly i cant even give them eye contact anymore so it really sucks to have a bad haircut.

Can anyone relate to this experience of having a bad haircut that ruins your wellbeing and stopping you from living the way you want to live?
sofia996
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Re: My BDD returned again worse than in a long time

Postby ortal » Tue Nov 24, 2020 9:22 pm

Wow. Reading your post was like reading my own mind.
Exactly what I'm going through following a bad hair and 3 attempts to fix it which only made it worse.
I'm sorry I can't be much help but reading your post was a tiny bit heart warming to see I'm not alone with these majorly depressive feelings.
ortal
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Re: My BDD returned again worse than in a long time

Postby sofia996 » Fri Nov 27, 2020 1:11 pm

ortal wrote:Wow. Reading your post was like reading my own mind.
Exactly what I'm going through following a bad hair and 3 attempts to fix it which only made it worse.
I'm sorry I can't be much help but reading your post was a tiny bit heart warming to see I'm not alone with these majorly depressive feelings.


Hi Ortal, I was unsure of how to post a reply to your answer but I hope I do it correctly right now.
I did read your post, that you are going through the same thing as me right now - a horrible haircut.
Mine is terrible at the moment and unfortunally things has only become worse when it comes to my life at this moment. I've been starting taking antidepressants again, Sertraline, but I still feel bothered by my reflection in the mirror. I also feel that I can't show up for anyone, neither strangers or relatives. The worst thing is that I've dropped of school and stopped studying as I feel that I can't show myself to anyone, neither on webcam (as we study online at this moment) or in reality so life is very depressing and I isolate myself at this moment. Therefore I don't even have a reason to even wake up in the morning. I just have myself and this ugly haircut. My family supports me though and I have contact with a doctor.

My reason to keep on living right now is the thought that it can get better (I've been in this position before with a terrible haircut before, 2 years ago, when life was hell but I could get myself through it). I remind myself every day that it's hair after all, and hair can look better as it's changeable and it grows. You can also style it, cut it or get it trimmed by a hairdresser. Therefore I try to cheer myself up with the mindset that hair is not something "constant", it's changeable after all, and therefore my (and also your) situation right now is also something changeable. The hair will change and look better with time and so will you and I.

We just has to keep ourself alive and we have to keep going. That's the only way for us to finally reach that day again when we are happy with how our hair looks and we can feel free and happy again.

Feel free to message me anytime if you want someone to talk to. Maybe we can help cheering eachother up in this tough times.
sofia996
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