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I feel so ugly

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I feel so ugly

Postby sunflowey » Fri Jul 19, 2019 5:14 pm

I'm a 22 year old female and for a long time, my mom has always commented how big my nose looks. She always suggests and tells me how we'll visit a plastic surgeon someday when we have enough money. This started around my preteens, and she doesn't always bring it up. Although I think that her comments are the main reasons why my insecurities started developing badly. I have the same nose as my dad's and my parents separated a long time ago. I think that's the reason why she really wants me to get cosmetic surgery since my parents aren't exactly on good terms with each other. My mom also always gets complimented for how beautiful and young she looks. Whenever people comment how similar we look (not the nose of course), she almost always seems to deny and says something along the lines of, no she looks like her father or she doesn't say anything at all. But you can tell from her face that she doesn't agree. She always seems to look down on habits and features I have that come from my dad's side as well.

I feel really insecure and I've had so much trouble looking at other people and keeping eye-contact even around my own family. I just never hear her say the same thing and suggestion to my other siblings. They never get suggestions to get any type of facial cosmetic surgery and if they ever do, it's mostly as a joke. But she is really serious on me getting a nose job/rhinoplasty to reduce its size. And I get how I don't exactly have a pretty looking nose, but I just sometimes wish she'd say I'm beautiful the way I am because she is my mother. I think she's ashamed of how I look and it hurts so much. I always worry that other people feel the same way when they're talking to me. When they do compliment, I have so much trouble believing them. I either think they're saying that just to be nice, or they do think that but if they look more closely they'll realize how ugly I really am. There are days when I feel really confident and happy of how I look, but I always seem to fall back into thinking how flawed and awful I am. Recently I've also started feeling insecure of my lips. I just wish they were a little thicker, and I just don't know what to do really. Sometimes I do really wish of getting plastic surgery, but I don't think it's the most ideal or most rational option. I really want to love the way I look, but it's so hard when even your own mom suggests plastic surgery. And I love her, she isn't a terrible mother, but it's just sad to think that I'll probably never be beautiful enough for her unless I go under the knife.
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Re: I feel so ugly

Postby kreek » Sun Jul 21, 2019 6:40 pm

Have you tried therapy? It seems to me that your problem isn't so much your nose as it is the fact that your mom constantly uses it as an excuse to bring you down and never validates you. I'm gonna be honest with you: sometimes people project their insecurities and frustrations on others,or put others down just to make themselves feel better, and even your own mom can do that to you. Maybe she mocks the features that she thinks are similar to your dad 'cause that's her way of expressing her resentment towards him. Perhaps she's even jealous and feels in competition with you and wants to make you insecure because of it. That could explain why she reacts the way she does when people say you two look alike. Or maybe she treats you differently than your other siblings because she sees you as the easiest to manipulate and to make insecure. It could be for many different reasons and maybe a therapist could help you figure those out.in any case judging from what you wrote the problem lies much more in your relationship with her and that could lead you to see yourselves as less attractive than what you actually are,or to see your defect much worse than how it is.(plus she cant really force you to get surgery if you dont want to,try standing up for yourself on that) So i suggest you talk about it with a professional ,and also remember that when people see you they look at how you look like as a whole,they don't just see your nose. Wish you the best and hope you can sort out your issues.
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