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Help, cope with bad self image.

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Help, cope with bad self image.

Postby lelouch » Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:55 pm

I need some help and support. I have always had trouble with my appearance and self image. I had always been strange looking and stood out weirdly from my peer group. As back as when I was a child, I was very self conscious and had low self esteem because I was thin like a stick and was extremely tall. Bullies and my own family members teased me over this, thus I developed severe social anxiety.

As I grew older and become a teenager, I started worrying about my face. How everyone else, my friends, family members and cousins, all look so better than me. I can't help but feel jealous, sad, unlovable and a sense of not belonging anywhere. My parents are pretty, and so I keep thinking why I'm not. I had even shaved my forehead to make it look bigger because I have a very small one, but everyone started noticing it. There are times when I avoid all mirrors or shiny objects because I don't want to look at myself. And then there are times when I gain a bit of confidence and summon up the courage to analyse my face by taking pictues, and it only ends up shattering my confidence and self image to pieces. I can spot so many strange things in my face and only wonder how normal looking everyone else is.

Although I was self conscious about my body as a child, I have a good looking body now, but I feel that it does not count if I look ugly, because face is 80% of looks. I try to forget about it and just ignore the way I look, but I just can't be happy. I say to myself that I should just accept that I will always look bad, and that I should forget about it and just concentrate on other aspects of life, but it creates a void that can't be fulfilled. I can't overcome social anxiety and shyness, because I feel that it will be pointless because no one will like me. I am below average looking and there are many other people out there who are, but they seem to get along with it easily, but I can't. What is the way to deal with this and cope with it? I would be very thankful if anyone could share some experience or advise. Thanks.
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Re: Help, cope with bad self image.

Postby Tanoujin » Sat Jul 07, 2018 6:50 pm

Hey lelouch :)

I remember when I had a distorted self image. I know is a terrible feeling. And it is very different from what I am experiencing now that I get objectively ugly by age and poorness. My teeth… my skin… my overweight… my ears growing bigger and bigger (yes the grow during the whole life, did you know that?) Nevertheless this does not make me unhappy any longer. I have other sources of self esteem now.

I am quite sure you do not look that ugly. There is a reason why you have chosen the body dysmorphic disorder forum. It is more likely that there is something wrong with your self perception. May be you should work with a professional.

But even if you are objectively ugly: this does not count so much to people who have a little sense of dignity. Your personality and your character will always override your looks. I will give you an example: I have a female co-worker who does not look very good if we follow the usual demands for a moment. I refer to her as being „special“. I do not want to give you the details, because this is just not the way I analyze and judge people.

She has some style with her hair, make up and outfits. I have reasons to make her compliments. But most important of all, I really like her, and that makes the real difference. To go after a pretty face without asking for the personal traits is superficial and stupid. This woman chooses her socks with great diligence. She colors her hair like a rainbow. She is playful with her looks. Obviously she likes herself. She feels she is worth special care.

Consequently she has a good looking and intelligent bf and is not afraid to lose him.

So the only advise I can give you is: be kind to yourself. Take good care of yourself. Tell yourself you are worth it.

I’d like to leave everything else to a therapist. Good luck finding a good one :)
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Re: Help, cope with bad self image.

Postby lelouch » Sun Jul 08, 2018 7:02 am

Thanks, Tanoujin for sharing your experience and sincere advice. :)
I am sorry to hear that you are going through some problems yourself at this time. Hope you feel better soon.
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Re: Help, cope with bad self image.

Postby margharris » Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:39 am

I think you have a very bad narrative about your looks that you might be thinking often. You might be referencing this narrative all through the day. It was for that reason you took all the photos. But your photos only confirmed what you already were telling yourself.
I think most BDDers improve when they start to let go of the story and shine a bit of doubt on it. Maybe you don't really look so awful. That just feels better to say. You could then try and improve on that by mentioning something that is even quite good about you. With each effort to improve your thinking you might notice you actually feel better. Hope you can give it a try and let us know how it goes.
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Re: Help, cope with bad self image.

Postby lelouch » Sun Feb 03, 2019 12:17 am

I actually raised this question quite a time ago. Since then my bdd has gotten a lot better. The reason behind my bdd was selfies and photos that I had. I had some excellent photos but believed the ones in which I didn't look good. Some people called me good looking but i believed my enemies who said bad things about my face when we were fighting. But since then I had realized few important things, and it totally changed my perception. I hope it could help others too.

1. People with bdd look a lot better than they think,
2. What we don't realise is that looks are overrated, because of all the movies and songs that we see. They make us feel that beautiful people are special and more significant. What we don't realise is that extremely beautiful people are rare, and the more or less good looking average looking people are also there.
3. Beauty just doesn't matter except if you are looking for a romantic partner. Everyone has the right to feel happy and act confident and have healthy self esteem.

I myself wanted to look handsome and it was all that I wanted. I was so stupid to think that I can't be happy or confident without being good looking. But the fact of the matter is that there is so much in life besides looks that make us happy. We like to think that world revolves around only beautiful people as is shown in movies. But in real life some very average looking people are very popular and some actors are average looking too. It's their confidence, style, personality and their self ease is what makes others like them. And, our happiness is not determined much by how many admiring stares we get while walking through street, but by our personal life, our blessings and our relationships.

Thanks. Have a good day.
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