My thoughts right now

Hi all,

I started CBT and I'm on my third session. The therapy itself is amazing and has helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I also started doing something else different, and that's what's been making me question everything.

I've been taking pictures of myself and letting other people take pictures of myself. Until now, I haven't looked at a picture someone else took of me since I was about 13. It's hard to face the truth. I look at the pictures and I know it's NOT in my head, to any degree. I know I'm deformed and look like a monster, and I know I'm uglier than everyone else. My face is different. It's asymmetrical and wonky. It's not a problem of focusing on the details and not looking at the big picture. I'm looking at my face, overall, and it's a disaster. The shape is a disaster. The features are a disaster.

I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who's doing his best to help, but he shuts me down every time I mention something anything negative about my appearance. I know he knows how unattractive I am, and I know that's why he doesn't want me to talk about my looks, period.

I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I'm clearly exactly as ugly as I think I am, and that's really hard to accept and to live with. It feels even worse not to be able to share this with anyone.

If your mind can play tricks on some people to the extent that they are convinced, having been conducted by aliens or that their landlord is spying on them, how can you be absolutely certain that your mind is not playing tricks to make you see yourself in an unfavorable light?

Mere logically, how can you be so certain. I'm interested in your answer.