Hi all,
I started CBT and I'm on my third session. The therapy itself is amazing and has helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I also started doing something else different, and that's what's been making me question everything.
I've been taking pictures of myself and letting other people take pictures of myself. Until now, I haven't looked at a picture someone else took of me since I was about 13. It's hard to face the truth. I look at the pictures and I know it's NOT in my head, to any degree. I know I'm deformed and look like a monster, and I know I'm uglier than everyone else. My face is different. It's asymmetrical and wonky. It's not a problem of focusing on the details and not looking at the big picture. I'm looking at my face, overall, and it's a disaster. The shape is a disaster. The features are a disaster.
I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who's doing his best to help, but he shuts me down every time I mention something anything negative about my appearance. I know he knows how unattractive I am, and I know that's why he doesn't want me to talk about my looks, period.
I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I'm clearly exactly as ugly as I think I am, and that's really hard to accept and to live with. It feels even worse not to be able to share this with anyone.