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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/youneverknow/weird_battle_i_didn%CA%B9t_think_i%CA%B9d_have_b-3544.html |
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| Author: | youneverknow [ Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:14 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Weird Battle I Didn't Think I'd Have |
I had quite a few urges last week. It did not, however, come out of the blue, and all in all, it's a little embarrassing to talk about. But THAT'S why I'm going to talk about it. We had a Lotto Max Jackpot here in Canada for $50 Million, plus 50 $1 Million bonuses. It's just a lottery here that occasionally goes up to that size & then everyone goes lottery crazy. Just a lottery. So why did I REALLY, REALLY want to buy a ticket? I know, 50 Million... but, still, that shouldn't cause an urge, right? After all, EVERYONE was buying tickets, lotteries aren't my poison of choice, and I'm doing great. Where's the harm? How about the fact that I REALLY, REALLY wanted to buy a ticket? Yeah. THERE'S the harm. I don't blame me or even the addiction this time. I blame the lottery corporations, which are our governments (federal AND provincial), for my latest struggle. They blasted that blasted lottery on radio, tv, newspapers, billboards, transit, etc. until I thought I'd go insane. I'd be doing fine & then another commercial would come on TV and I'd feel the urge again. Over and over. All week. And the kicker? They throw in 'Know your limit. Play within it' at the end of everything, like that absolves them of their guilt in promoting unrelentingly, their stupid money making lottery. Because, as you all know, the fine print is all we addicts need to stay on the straight and narrow. Once I'm reminded to gamble responsibly, everything's going to be just fine. Because it's so seemingly insignificant (everyone buys lottery tickets & THEY'RE not addicts) it almost got me. I felt as though it would be a shame to NOT have a ticket. Why deny myself a chance at $50 Mil? It's not a casino, it's not an online slot machine or keno game, why not? And I almost bought a ticket using that logic, until I stepped back and honestly looked at how MUCH I wanted to buy a ticket (or 20). It's small, yes, but it's still feeding my addiction. It's not just buying a measly ticket. It's a FIRST BET. At least for me. And for me, there's no such thing as a first bet without the next thousand coming right behind it. That's me. That's how it works in my life. There's no sense in my trying to quantify gambling by 'degrees'. For me, a bet is a bet, and I can't jeopardize my incredibly good fortune at being clean by deciding there are 'harmless' bets. There aren't. Not for me. I accept that. No whining, no complaining. That's part of the deal I have to live with to get a good life, so I'll play it safe. That said, I find it offensive at the marketing overload that springs into action for these huge jackpots. It's as if no one cares about addicts, or the effects of these onslaughts on everyone (I don't know anyone who didn't have a ticket for this) so long as there's money to be made by our governments. I went through a week of urges so that they could mount a marketing campaign. Yeah, I find that offensive. Well, I've learned a lesson over this. I'm the only one who DID find it offensive. I have to endure some aspects of this struggle alone. I can't depend on OTHER people to determine a threat to my well being in this struggle. I have to depend on my own opinion. And it IS my opinion that even a lottery ticket is a bad choice for me. Screw the commercials & print ads. They don't know what I went through to get here, so how can I trust them when they say you can't win if you don't play? I have first hand experience that you can't win if you DO play. But you can lose. Big time. Now I know, some people will think, 'Seriously? Dude, get a life,' and they may be right, but for me, it's like having 1 or 2 puffs on a cigarette after I'd quit for awhile. Maybe no harm, but it would whet my appetite again. So why chance it? And would our government(s) be as innocent if they swamped us with cigarette ads (Know your limit. Smoke within it)? So, rest assured, I DO have a life... now. And if I'm overly careful in my quest to beat a devastating addiction, so be it. I AM beating it, so I think I'll continue to trust my gut on this one. So, when all is said and done, I'm happy to say that I chose not to buy a lottery ticket. Seems like a simple statement, doesn't it? The truth is, that old saying is right. It was MUCH easier said, than done. I'm glad I decided a long time ago to always be honest about my urges. It saved me this time, and it showed me something else. As you get healthier, the danger doesn't just come from the obvious places anymore. It comes from the seemingly insignificant ones, too. Lesson learned - yet again. Today I will not gamble. Never again. |
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| Author: | youneverknow [ Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:20 pm ] |
Update. Someone told me today that no one won the jackpot. Soooo. I get to go through another week of commercials. THIS time, I'm ready. (Well, as ready as I can be...) For one thing, I'm going to remind myself that out of MILLIONS of tickets sold, NO. ONE. WON. Yeah, what great odds. Never gamble again <--- THAT'S my limit, & I most definitely WILL play within it. |
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