Maybe their's a reason why my attempted post ^1 on my journal didn't make it thru and maybe there's a reason why it's felt like something I would've said aloud for an audio-log but I didn't mind losing it b/c while having some truth claims to it,it was done out of anger and ultimately about something trivial that I'd like to get around to changing anyhow.
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Added new year's resolution:Be less accusatory in conversation esp.with your sister So I'll just pop into the intended subject line:
My power lust for things in Maslow's (hierarchy or network?) of needs.
b/c sometime ago I saw it as
http://blogs-images.forbes.com/stevedenning/files/2012/03/Maslow-rewired.jpg
it makes me think that were I to beyond the heft and fear I have of fufilling the left and right circles of the network the "blood spilled (effort)" just to fufill those two parts how much more work is left on the time available on a social clock that says I should've been started working long ago,1/2 a decade ago,that I should be as social as some quasi-mythical glib solicate in part b/c of dating at ~14 b/c in about another 1/2 decade I gotta be good enough to get espoused or my worth as a person will forever be "fairgame" for ridicule and questioning.
I'm power lusting after things that way more irresponsible ppl like my sister and some of my cousins have had
-a place of their own that is comfortably adequate enough for 6 ppl.B/c while I'd be up for 2 kids at the expected most it's that extra space for 2 more ppl that's to make up for the eventuality of unfavorable collatoral or contingencies in a good location
-a stable likeable occupation with a workload not going beyond what I felt in most of my school life
-freedom,elements of freedom avaliable for sculpting by me or the rest of my family
a car ^2
-other things...
I no longer feel in the mood right now.^1 which was being typed up in a very angry tone on the seemingly faulty keyboard that sometimes randomly goes backwards in letter location and messes up the words I'm trying to say.Or when I inadvertly press a button that has some function that I don't know about,like how I lost said msg I was typing about when I accidently pressed alt.It's stuff like that (when I'm angry) that makes me particualry egocentric enough to think that the Universe has it againest me when I cant say something like how f----ng ignorant my sister is which brings me to the first real paragraph
^2 Not something as arrogant as a f----n BMW (will d--- Gen Y'ers get REAL >_< ALREADY D:< ? ) but whatever is the safest car in an accomadating size from an unembarringly old manufacturing date.I only dream of that driver-less Google powered Volvo b/c I assume I'm a c----y driver..with some optimism I'll say that's yet to be proven fully