-I have a big ######6 problem when it comes to taking action. I have realized and d--- if it isn't separate by how bumblesome I am at making decisions.
-Over the school break mid-last month, I admit I made the irresponsible move of purposely ignoring my homework and "gathering my thoughts and resting---*not* "gathering my thoughts and expanding". It meant ignoring my homework,something I still regret having done but the rest and realizations were nice. For instance me admitting that in spite of what I say and think,I am very "lazy" ,having a hard time taking action unless it interests me. I don't need,I don't always need loads of lofty pondered out thoughts and intentions backing me,that sorta stuff kinda takes care of itself and I have to have more faith in that. There is only taking action. Once I make a trail dig in,and make it on the other end--I can look at underlying stuff if I wanna and the real lofty high level stuff awaits me.
-Odder was how I realized that I tend to "shut up" more if I'm writing or thinking in Spanish. The impulse I have when writing in English of ruminating,pondering and many times getting angsty--
that impulse is no where near as prevalent when I think and write in Spanish. I have a hunch there is more to it then the lack of adjectives and nouns that I can "play with" in Spanish---there's something a counselor once told me about how Romance languages work in there writing in contrast to English .-This helps me,when it comes to hushing the monologue in my mind when I ought to be paying attention,listening AND *understanding* other ppl. All my time intensely thinking it's like my mind said "have you ever thought of crossing over to the other side
?" (the Spanish speaking side). Could it be that my lack of attendance to that side of me has caused some kind of inconsistency which yells out to obligatorily attended to?,after all if I can explain something just as well in English,*just as well* in Spanish,adjective & noun furnishings and all I'm doing something right aren't I?.-Ending yesterday for almost a whole week I wrote entirely in Spanish and dang how much I shut up,really gets to me
.I'm more suited *to* action although I still have trouble keeping to action. I also realized and "felt" how some of the things I write in English I'm a bit more reluctant to write in Spanish,like if there was some kind of "group pressure" on me when I'm writing in Spanish. Even my punctuation placement was different,the upside exclamation,questions marks and accent symbols which I don't know how to use aside.And when I did get to writing it in Spanish (a blurb on Western philosophy history I've been meaning to get out: Anglospheric empiricism next to Continental European rationalism changing into recent Analytic and Continental school stuff), I looked at it a bit astonished thinking "how often would I here a Spanish speaker say stuff like this
?". Is it just b/c I haven't been around "the same kind of intellectual stimulation" in Spanish?. It's kinda funky when you think about how the Latin based words maybe "should"(?) seem more "at place" inm a Latin based language instead of how their highfalutin-ness kinda sticks out in English.Social factors like education and internal cultures aside I kept coming back to how I wish I remembered what that one counselor told me once. Not as many adjectives and nouns,not as expanded as...
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