This is what the inner debates I have occasionely look like.This is one after a "visual indulgent binge" that took up 1/2 of yesterday.I'm putting this s--- up to exposure.This thing /I wrote in my stormed up little mind that I stopped typing b4 1 pm and didn't really look at,b/c of ppl around me which made me have to hide the MS docu at the bottom while I typed without seeing the results on the screen.That's why there are loads of spelling mistakes.M is for me and LS for "a worse part of me" I've called "lesser slime" after the tips in a self-help book that had a part about internaling debating with the other parts in your mind..
I'm assuming these "voices" aren't the same kind that schnizopernics get but the parts in every nominally average person that disagrees and debates with them when deciding on something. Thw word file I wrote this on was made on July-17-13, 12:42:34 PM and I was thinking about putting it on another forum I go on but this is better..
"M:Why do you wanna destry yourself?
LS:B/c I can?
M:B/c there’;s nothing 2 live 4?
LS:Basically.
M:Why are you suggesting I smoke cigarettes?
LS:You indulged yourself big time yesterday.Why not more?
M:B/c cigarettes f--- up your lungs and running spped.Something I’ve d--- well developed 4 way 2 f---n hard a time 2 give in some punk a--- socializing component like social smoking.
LS:F—off
M:You f--- off you mother--- !!
LS:Why do we do this?
M:I don’t know.B/c your trying to kill me?
LS:B/c your uselss?
M:What?
LS:You heard me.All of f---n life narrows down 2 f----n utility.In spite of virtue,commitantment,ethics,spirituality,morality or all the other metaphysical c---.Your not useless then in the eyes of the ruthl.less Hamiltonian f---s who run this cheap stand your nothing but a picec of s---.Oh they know they’ll eventually have a grave consequence for them.But why not get things your way while you have the power if you know the chill certainity of your demise?.Send some f---n ripples into other ppl’s lives.Totally f--- ‘em up b/c you can and your useless.
?I am useful.Therefore I can do whatever I want.
M: swear I gotta read a book on reasoning.To much of this s--- is caused by binaries,what if statements and syllogism.Simple,two part,powerful lil’syllogism.
This music the “Om benza satto hung” on the Deva Premal CD is good at keeping you in place.
Ls:Yeah you wish.But 4 ow long?
M:As long AS I NEED TO GET S--- LIKE YOU OUT.
LSs:Nothing makes sense in this world.Hardly anything does.You know that.
Love does but how f---n obtainable is that?.Like world peace and happiness on Christmas day?.
M:…
LS:Hah nothing to say
LS:Haha I’m right!.
M:All you want 2b is right don’t you?.All the world to ashes and you screaming I WAS RIGT!>I WAS RIGHT!>Right in what?.Being right/correct doesn’t mean vitue.It’s not a good thing.It’s affirmation.Simple affirmation.An affirmation of a truth.Unescapable truth.Truth that is bad or good,favorable or unfavorable,constructive or destructive etc.
LS:Your writing this like your possessed
M:Yeah by your kind.You scum wad
LS:Call me that again!.
M:”My left foot” quote
“All is nothing, therefore nothing must end.” From the sucide note.Powerful syllogism.Sound like a case for eternity.
LS:F--- off!.
M;Oh you have a problem wit hthat?.A case for eternity bothers you?.Why?.B/c of the unknown of it?.Could be good or bad bwith you not being right?.See this is what I’m talking about.
LS:There’s still ambiguity in it.”Nothing must end”.The nothing can be a something and from that something emerges a substance.Good or bad like an addiction.
M:You have a f--- up sense of logic.Made all the less keen b/c of these binge indulgences.
LS:I wanna smoke!I wanna smoke!.
M:No you don’t.Count yourself lucky that I don’t fdeliver a death blow to you a site on the internet I found once about how to deal with voices of negativity.From what I remember it said yourer a needy little whimper wanting to not be alone not a powerful ooming monster.
LS:This mentioning of power you have..not like that of the conventional greedy b---ds who think it’s money.F—money.It’s just f--- mobility like gasoline in a car.Let me rethink about physics.Power=Work*time I think?
M;Wrong actually it’s P=W/t
See your showing cracks already.
LS:Like you wanting to say where you wrote this 2 get more attention in a place where you sghouldnt ‘be writing this..
M:F—off.Your a dead man when I get my audio recording time.F---
"