| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/wasp_rainbowarrior/we_build_buildings_b-11857_sid-812dba576a3e253775e87c086bc6e32c.html |
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| Author: | wasp_rainbowarrior [ Sun Feb 18, 2018 3:01 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | we build buildings |
some time after writing my last entry i've reinstalled some hookup apps... until now i couldn't bring myself to the act of laying with a stranger, though. the facts that i didn't even know these men who were so eager to have sex with me, that i saw them first of all as potential threats, that i could read in their words the same unaware desperation that brough me there in the first place, all of it horrified me. and i also horrified myself when i realized how emotionally dependant i had become of the things these strangers do as soon as a installed the apps. that's what they mean when they say a recovered alcoholic can never even taste alcohol again. we long for our unhappiness. a while ago, after my third masturbation of the day (a monstrous amount for someone who's become used to going weeks without any kind of sexual pleasure), i saw this blog i had when i was a teenager. i knew how to appreciate beauty in a way that i have now lost. i know it's still there, but so much ugliness and disgust has blinded me to all the beauty of the world. i can't contemplate it anymore, except in theory. i wish the wind would take me away like a cherry blossom, but i am so heavy i would just fall down. |
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| Author: | Snaga [ Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:16 am ] |
Even when it is sad -or maybe it's part of it-there is beauty in the way you write... It's still there, maybe you'll return to seeing it someday. |
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