| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/wasp_rainbowarrior/i_think_i%CA%B9m_breaking_down_again_b-10997_sid-1eef93b2a799f1d2626875e2dfcdd5ec.html |
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| Author: | wasp_rainbowarrior [ Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:10 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | i think i'm breaking down again |
since a couple days ago i feel like my compulsion is coming back. i hadn't had an erection in 3 weeks until yesterday, so i believe it is the physical symptom of something i had been feeling in my mind. today i had some more erections and a relatively strong sexual urge. to make it all worse, an old hookup contacted me (funny how it ALWAYS happens in these crucial moments) and it totally destabilized me. i have not uninstalled my hookup apps. i think it is because i'm afraid that if i do that i might lose the only outlet for my urges over which i still have some control and then when i go bollocks i will just go for something much worse. the guy contacted me through the one app i use that sends notifications, but i have no idea what's going on the other app because i haven't opened it for a long time. now i feel really really tempted to open it and have sex with this guy i've had a lot of sex with before. on the one side, i think i will ultimately regret everything, i will probably not be able to reach orgasm and will feel really bad afterwards. on the other side, i do miss some of the bodily sensations related to sex even though they are not sexual in themselves such as bearded kisses and nude cuddling. i am really trying to stay away from it because ugh i was feeling so well when sex was away and everything was working out and under control and now i'm totally sleepy again and watching series until sunrise (i do think sexual content in that series has a lot to do with my recent problems). i'm going to write my priest about it, but let's face it, there is not much he can do for me. i just hope it will go away before it becomes irresistible. i got an appointment with my psychiatrist on wednesday, so let's also see what he has to say. |
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| Author: | Snaga [ Wed Apr 19, 2017 7:12 pm ] |
How did the appointment go, sweetie? |
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| Author: | wasp_rainbowarrior [ Sun Apr 23, 2017 2:05 am ] |
i actually scheduled that appointment because i wanted him to talk to my mother. it worked out really well and she took it much better than i thought she would. about my situation, he told me it's normal to have relapses since it's something i've been having for a long time. i've been talking to my therapist about it as well but it's clear for me that being in that mental state "freezes" therapy. things were progressing much faster when i was feeling better and now it seems i'm stuck again. but i notice that even though i'm obsessed with sex (i dove deep into my compulsions once again) i don't feel so depressed as i used to even though i got out of my routine because i got sick (that frequently happens when i relapse) and now it's hard to get back to it because i'm dedicating my life to sex right now. thank you for asking, it's good to write it all down. |
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| Author: | Snaga [ Sun Apr 23, 2017 5:19 am ] |
Hugs! |
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