Psychology and Mental Health Forum

Author:  voracious_lemon [ Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:04 am ]
Blog Subject:  3am

I'm ######6 sick of waking up at 1am and not going back to sleep. I am over this. At first I was like "this sucks, I'm going to get manic and wind up IP again" and then I thought "whatever, I dont even care." Now every time I wake up *TW* I want to go on a killing spree and finish with myself. *End TW* It doesn't help that when I wake up I hear people breathing/snoring.
Doesn't fricken matter if I do some of the most strenuous hiking in New England that day. Doesn't matter if its pitch black, quiet, perfect temperature, otherwise perfect sleeping conditions. Regardless, I will wake up.
I'm considering going back on clozapine, quitting my job, and going on disability just so I can not deal with this. I dont care anymore. I just want to sleep.
Oh, and my nightmares are back so maybe I dont even want to sleep anymore. Maybe Ill stop trying, and, I dont know, get revenge while everyone else is sleeping.

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