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A lot of changes are occurring by OMNICELL on Thu Oct 21, 2021 5:42 am
First; lets go deeper into the best friend that lived up what street... I call him my fake best friend.
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Lets take a closer look as I get to the final round of problems and solutions; Finally. Finally getting answers for this stuff.
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OKE;
I complained about how I was treated. How I was not respected at later times.
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Heres a newer issue..
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Im sitting in a class room when I meet him. Who told me to meet him? Why did I meet him? I claim he was evil and all that.
How about this; How about; I was never suppose to meet him.
When I met him; I went out of my way to meet him; I did not go out of his way to meet me.
Would he have gone out of his way to meet me if I had no met him; NO!
I would have sat by him in class and never said a word to him or glanced in his direction; Nothing. He would have never glanced in my direction; never... ever ever ever. Complete strangers.
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Why Did I go up to him; Compulsive disorder. And; I was trying to escape my home life. IT had nothing to do with this guy.
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So; after meeting this person; I went home and I called him after talking to him a few times at school. What if I had not called him; would he have called me! No! Never!
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What if I had not called him or ever talked to him again and went my own way; He would have never associated with me. Never; completely strangers.
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I complained that this person did not really " GET mE! SEE mE". " APPRICIATE ME". Nothing.
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DID he never go up to my house; NO!
DiD he ever call me! NO!
I always called him and we always went to his house.
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So; my friendship with him started when I called him. And then it ended. It only came back the next time I called him. He wasnt even a friend; He was not my friend... He was just a person I had called. And if I did not call him again; there would be no reason for me to keep writing these blogs to figure things out.
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The main problem I had with this person was; I kept calling him! It was compulsive...
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I was not suppose to be around him or anyone else.
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What would life had been like if I had not been around that person. I would have had to dealt with my home life as it was and learned to do things for myself and probably get into school and talk to teachers and such. I would have had a boring life but I would have had to have gotten better at school. And I would have had to have dealt with my parents some how which would have been horrifically scary.
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So; the real issue is about my home life at the time... not the people I called to escape... They dont count. In fact; I was using them to escape. They probably thought I was intrusive coming to their house all the time.
I could tell you they did not think fondly of me and neither did this kid I had called all the time compulsivity.
As I said; If I had stopped calling this person; that would have been the end of that... this person would have never called me... I meant nothing to him or his family... How ore why would I... This is crazy,.
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So; Now; I have to look at that home life if I had no one to call. And thats a big big problem... Ill have to start some where and learn how to write about it and talk about it...
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The girl up the street; the girl I liked; same exact thing. I did the same thing. I showed up around someone who did not ask to know me. I than called them. If I had never called them again; nothing would have ever happened; they would have never called me.
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Neither of these people needed me for anything; they were strangers and did not have any desire to know me or associate with me...

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In both cases; im compulsive; Im calling people I should not call. And Im not working well in the school system; im at the rock bottom. Non work; nothing... no movement... and that had to have been addressed... some how... somewhere.
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I was never wanted in any family system anywhere including the ones I tried...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 10 times
How to store charge under ground like under solar arrays. by highdimensionman on Wed Oct 20, 2021 6:46 pm
If you simply put battery blocks underground you have limits like what else is underground and difficult mantainance. Today they are trying integrate battery technology into things like car chassis's and fully bendy screens. Why not put the technology into and fiber capacitance wires. Mantainance, installation and volume and space saving can be greatly improved this way.

0 Comments Viewed 9 times
How individuals might manage ethics and ecology in the future. by highdimensionman on Wed Oct 20, 2021 12:33 pm
With a government backed welfare savings currency the 3rd sector could grow with economic growth better at less cost to the government but still steady growth and low volatility. Like a special economic bubble in sink with development for welfare of nature and people issues.
The other thing is people could have a special Ethical prepayment card and mitigate better a community against poor ecology and ethics of products along with boosting the 3rd sector as a whole and each person, organisation or company could set how their extra cash flows into efforts meaning many more 100's of millions could play a vital democratic and progressive role in the ethics and ecology solutions for the world.
All this could be managed in a personal world welfare diary where you can see exactly how much good your efforts are worth.
Give people more opportunity to improve the world and many will surprise you especially when they can judge up their impact well and optimise their efforts to suit their life style.

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Help me God! by OMNICELL on Tue Oct 19, 2021 5:49 pm
So; now; things are starting to change. Im starting to feel and see many things in my head and nervous system as I want to try and pull out of this whole thing; the past. ITs starting to move; and I with it; like a deep deep water way under the mountains creating a mud slide; I so remember all that from Geology in college; One year of it; all very interesting...
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The grieving process for most of my life; most of it has been trapped in my nervous system and head and the past; all the things I loved that were gone; my whole life. Now; God has created a situation that I get a second life; and its already happening; the foundations are set; im simply practicing them more n more; I now have many rule books and guides on how to live life; That is what the 12 step groups have been about; surrendering and getting inline with their literature and books and and alignment with God and inner self; and its working working... Im slowly getting it... getting retained for a life. Its like Im back to where I was as a kid in many ways; However, no brothers or father and mother or friends down the street or school to do things within... So; that is another set of manifestations...

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Im having to learn to work with God and allow Gods timing as I move toward to be healed up slowly; dropping off those things from the past that still cling to edge of my outer and inner reality...
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Im having to work with God. Im still disabled from PTSD... And this is the problem.. My mind is still anchored in my head.
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Im damaged from severe pTSD long term and I still need help and cant function. Im still not here; Im being attack in my head all the time. So; Im having to learn how to get the thoughts out of the center of my mind and have a boundary around it; Im learning how to keep the bad thoughts out that take my mind from me...
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I have to remember Im not the man I think I am.. Im a disabled person mentally and the accepting of that disability allows me to decide what direction to help myself today and who and what to stay away from.
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In the 12 step groups Im in; it helps for specific things. But when bad people show up; Narcissists; sociopaths psychopaths players hustlers... that kind of thing and some assorted criminals. That does not help me to be around that. Ive worked at avoiding problems in these meetings so it could help me with other things; lately as I get stronger and better; I have to hold my tung and just hold on until I can get better regardless of who's their.
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I am older now; and because of that; I guess and have been told and really; I dont have the interest of others as much as I used to. Im older now.
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The problem is; if im older and weaker; others just want me out because Im still in their circle... and they want their time... Ive had mine...
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I want to develop and will work with God on it.
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My goal is to get better and walk away from those meetings and keep working with God for this to happen so I can come back out to the real world..
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Mens meetings are basically fine but not always; Still trouble makers that show up to those groups; all groups regardless of sex race and so on... They dont care. We got hit with a rush of that a few years back...
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I have to remember what Im doing there... and work with God on it. It all gets scary for me.. I live their and Im trying to graduate from their from that respect... Im trying to heal. And at times new type of cultural persons come in and ruin everything; they are not cool; they are trouble makers. However, Im not their for ownership of meetings; This is not a movie... Its my life and I fall far short of what I thought I was.
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PTSD is the problem...and my mind is weak from it and devoured from it constantly.
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So; my mental health condition is whats important for me and working with God to Get inline with that and let go of everything else.
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At some point ive got to clean up; loose weight...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 38 times
Became a victim of bullying, then developed a mental illness by KidDJ on Tue Oct 19, 2021 1:30 pm
I don't understand why did I deserve to develop this kind of condition. It's like a bad luck struck me. I'm so done with psychologists that they dare to dismiss somebody's suffering. How have they not noticed this pattern? First, bullying, now - OCD. Life's a joke, honestly.

Moving on to the bullying part, I've experienced since 5th grade. Worst thing a person could experience. People would tease me, use me, make fun of me, call me names. And the worst part, is that three people (two from my class) physically abused somebody. I thought at 9th grade things would get better, but it didn't. I was bullied last year. I started to become self-conscious of my behavior and my surroundings. Why did I deserve this s**t? I promise that one day when they come to me and say something nasty to my face, I'll make sure that things won't be so pretty. If I was taller, I would beat the living s**t out of them. F**k those people. They don't exist, but they are more like made up images of somebody's misery. Bad people are like those anti-humans. They have no place in this world. World has already been a hell because of them.

And for the OCD part, I haven't been myself for as long as I could remember. My false feelings are weak, but they haven't disappeared. And I'm frustrated that it's not going away. I know that I should be patient and wait for it to slowly disappear, but I can't. I want to be in peace without overthinking, constantly feeling anxious and depressed. Save me from this mind cancer. I swear, if OCD was a person, I would teach them a valuable lesson. And if they ever tried to constantly mess with me, the last thing they would ever see is my face.

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