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What Is Wrong With Me? by CrackedGirl on Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:19 am
I CANNOT STAND the Military Wives Choir. I am sure they are all very nice ppl and Gareth is a nice person too but they drive me insane. All their namby pamby versions of good songs being ruined by their arrangements and the middle of the road easy listening they provide. That is it - they have no bite. Nothing to grab you - wallpaper music. I know I should like them as they are a choir and such and they are all nice ppl who have moving life stories but I dont, sorry.

And whilst we are on it - I dont like Disney movies either. Sentimental claptrap.



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Jodi (24/08/11) by Feathers on Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:22 am
Sigh... Things are difficult tonight... I feel like the issues of alters just pile on top of me and force me down... As we can see in her last entry, Sophie is really feeling f*cking miserable tonight. I wish she could let him go. It's too painful having her revisit there every time she feels like dragging it up.

I just feel really... defeated tonight. Emotionless. Just kinda like, yeah, give me your best shot, see what you can do...

I wonder if it's the lack of seroquel that's causing this. Matt's been giving me some of his seroquel over the past few days to help me sleep, and I obviously haven't had any tonight and I feel... Worse than in a while. Not sure whether that amount of meds would really have an effect so quickly though.

Jodi x

0 Comments Viewed 5624 times
1. meyers-briggs type by kokonoe on Tue May 05, 2015 7:34 am
I used to type as infp when I was younger & at some point started typing as intp instead, around the same time as I was getting "settled in" to my schizoid traits. it seems like I had an "avoidant" period where I was concerned with my self-worth in a much more external way but that's since been thrown away or repressed.

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eeeaarrrly 9-30 by ejensen1324 on Fri Sep 30, 2011 6:19 am
The past two days I've had really good days. I had a really good therapy appointment, and I actually challenged myself to eat more throughout the day (which is a HUGE improvement). Work went really really well too- just a few more days until I get promoted from training!!

Over the course of the past few months, as I've started the slow process of recovery, I've noticed two very different ways that my friends reacted to how I told them, and how they chose to support me with my recovery.

1- This group of friends all pretty much reacted the same way-- very very VERY proactive and wanting to support me as much as they could. They started checking up on me regularly, if I ignored their calls they would make sure that I wasn't doing anything to harm myself, asked me what I had to eat that day and how much, asking how I was doing mentally, etc etc. These friends were/are very beneficial in the sense that I knew that I'd have to answer to them if I did something that I wasn't supposed to do (like skip eating for a day). They also knew the most about every single thing that went on with me, so they knew how to help me the best. Or they knew what was wrong with me at a single glance. These friends also proved to be kind of detrimental to me. Anorexia is a mental disorder about control- being able to control the different aspects of your life through the scape-goat of food. At least, at the core that's what it is, along with an altered sense of beauty and self-image. So, having your best friends control every single aspect of your life by kindly "forcing" you to report to them about every single thing you do? That feeds the disorder even more. Because my friends are "helping me" I start telling myself-- Since I'm not allowed to control myself anymore, I'll just let my friends control me. Tell me how to eat...tell me when to sleep...tell me how to think...tell me basically how to live at the most basic level of existance.

2- These friends all reacted in a very different way than the friends before. They really didn't say much at all- in fact at first I didn't even know if they cared at all or not (which opened a whole new can of worms in my head...thinking my friends didn't care about me..didn't want me around, etc etc.). Before long, however, it was clear that they did/do, in fact, care deeply about me and what I'm trying to overcome. But they decided to take a different approach to supporting me- not saying much or pushing things out of me at all. Their approach is-- "let her come to us when she's ready. Let's not force her." This gets rid of the whole control thing that I mentioned earlier (which is a VERY good thing). I don't have to worry about seeking their control or their approval through food and my lifestyle. However, with these friends, because they don't ask, I have a tendancy to resort to another aspect of the disorder: living in secrecy and hiding absolutely everything. With these friends, I will go days, weeks, even months without telling them what's going on or what kinds of things I struggle with. I don't tell them if I've eaten, I don't tell them if I'm having a particularly bad day or struggling with suicidal thoughts, I don't tell them that I need a buddy to go eat lunch with because otherwise I won't do it at all....I don't tell them anything. And then, I start getting really really paranoid, thinking "What if they find out?!?!?" And then I start hiding more and more and more...all the while they can kind of guess what's going on and yet they sit there patiently waiting for me to confide in them.

I wish I could find a support friend that fits both-- one who won't control me, yet also not completely leave me alone so I can completely ruin my life on my own.

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Body dysmorphia: Exposure going wrong by margharris on Sun May 31, 2015 1:51 am
We have been trying to do some modest exposures. It is just so difficult to work out what someone is really ready to do.
Trying to overcome the fear of…..might have to be tackled in a stepwise fashion. It is not as simple as exposing yourself to the situation and not running from it. You have to be doing cognitive restructuring at the same time. Going to the shops while still telling yourself everyone is judging you and that the woman with her head down turned away because of your looks is merely reinforcing your thinking that contributes to more worry. You will have your head down running for the shadows.
It is vital to do some mental reframing of how you think before you start any assignment. That step is to take the chance that your interpretations are wrong. People are not interested in you and have busy lives. They are going places. “I wonder where they are going and what they are doing?’ replaces: ”Are they looking at me? Do they think I am ugly?” That is paranoia.
My son has been becoming more scared of showers as his illness has progressed. His scoping of body hair could induce a sizeable panic. He linked the hair to an overload of DHT story, and that then to hairloss. The story terrified him so avoiding the shower became the safe option.
I wanted to catch this before it became any worse but I didn’t really know all that he was thinking and why he was doing this avoiding. I wanted to increase his tolerance for having a shower by just doing it and the only leverage I had was to give a Propecia tablet after the shower. Of course, the incentive worked but the showering got worse. I think he even showered at 4 am for 10 seconds. It just had to be over. The exposures weren’t working. He was using the wrong mindset and only further avoiding by doing the shower for the shortest time possible and preferable in the dark. This then didn’t represent any exposure at all. He was avoiding even though he could report that he was having a shower.
Mindfulness is the key here. He needed to be thinking of the water on his skin. The temperature of the water. The smell of it. He needed to keep his focus on the now experience of what he was doing and not shock himself with hair scoping. He has yet to tackle this well. He has to perhaps play this out in his head quite a few times before any real exposure is taking place. This is what is called cognitive restructuring.
There are 4 steps in cognitive restructuring.
1. Identifying your negative problematic thinking during an exposure. So you need to write down really what you are thinking here.
2. Identifying thinking errors. After writing out the thoughts, you need to identify if they match with any cognitive distortion forms. There are many lists you can find for these online. Mind reading, story-telling, catastrophizing, idealising and over generalizing are the usual suspects.
3. Challenging the thoughts. Identifying that we might be exaggerating or our stress level is tampering with our judgement is important but you have to go that further step and begin to challenge thoughts for accuracy. I can hear all the screams that this can’t be done. If you find thinking errors or are told about them then you have to allow yourself the risk that your thoughts are inaccurate. This level has to be mastered before you put yourself up for exposure. You have to be cognitively ready to let go of the stories of fear. They are just holding you back from the safety and freedom of life without BDD.
Is my son’s hair really so important that his whole life depends on it? What a chronic exaggeration and distortion of reality.
4. Replacing the thoughts with more realistic thoughts. I have a lot more going for me. I have been accepted for who I am in the past and can do that again.
Once you reach that mindset then you are more available to healthy exposure work. It might also be necessary to go to events with someone with you. This person can assist in showing you how they notice the environment. They c...

[ Continued ]

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