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Avoidant Personality Disorder by Domino50 on Wed Jun 04, 2014 12:41 am
I was diagnosed as having Avoidant Personality a few months ago. Had I been diagnosed years ago...may be I would be in a different place. Instead, I was told it was depression and or anxiety; yes, I have both of those conditions as well. Now, I understand why.

I had the third major breakdown, of my life, late last year, and have not been back to work since. Fortunately, I am being paid. Unfortunately, I know that I cannot go back to the toxic environment in which I worked. It's hard to realize that after 24 years, I reached my limit.

I am private, do not gossip, keep to myself and was good at my job. This made me a target; I don't know why, but it did. Your worst fears, as an avoidant, are to be judged, mocked, talked about, laughed at, etcetera. I felt like my worst nightmare came true. If I did something to deserve, I could understand. I did not deserve it.

I'm tired of not being normal. I'm tired of wishing I was someone else. I'm tired of being scared of everything.

I've done the counselling thing many times over the years...it did nothing. They listen, but I want someone to just tell me what to do. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.

I hate who I am....

0 Comments Viewed 1156 times
Job by CrackedGirl on Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:13 am
I got the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huge hugs

Cracked

8 Comments Viewed 497004 times
What a Difficult Life. by CHBPPC on Tue Feb 25, 2014 8:53 pm
There's something to be said about being able to connect with others without actual connection; smiling when there is no driving force behind it. But only when another deliberately seeks to make your life a hassle for absolutely reason is when you wonder why even bother?

These years of keeping up a facade have become exhaustive I admit, and being away from the general public and their various misplaced hostile emotions seems like the best course of action. All I hear from others is 'It's not like anyone is listening anyway' and smiles as though it's such a funny thing when it isn't.

What do they know about not being listened to? The moment their mouths open I'm right there, hearing everything they're saying. Hell, I even try to find a solution to even the most complex problems due to interest, yet I realize time and time again that it just isn't reciprocated.

Relationships of any sort are filled with strife and sympathy, never empathy.

Sometimes I wonder if the majority of suicides are committed by those within my personality type, and the reason why I never meet any of them- Or met, seeing as to how I'm giving up this pointless endeavor to socialize to a degree.

There isn't a point to anything, yet there's this small spot in my heart that seems to ache for some sort of reciprocation.

Having Schizoid Personality Disorder makes everything contradictory. You make barricades of one-way glass and can only look out of them with these long-suppressed and painful emotions supposedly being comfortable until suddenly there's a change in the wind, and for a moment remember where you are, and how utterly isolated you've made yourself.

The moment soon passes, but the memory remains.

Terrible, terrible.

I suppose I'll create my own object of affection as I did before, with flaws and actions I can predict. Someone who can understand.

Back into my head.

0 Comments Viewed 1816 times
Dont know what to do by betnone182 on Thu May 05, 2016 9:19 am
I went 34 days without gambling at all and felt invincible again. Of course I started gambling again without even thinking about it. So now, here I am, lost everything I have saved, put my relationship in Jeopardy and I am asking the questions, Why and How?

I am self Loathing so much and I know the key is to forget what has happened and wipe the slate clean. But I have broken so many promises and fell off the wagon so many times that I am starting to doubt whether it is possible for me to ever be a happy non-gambler ever again.

I am in a desperate way and I need help so badly. I have a good life and I know its not too late, but I've been doing making the same mistakes at a higher level for over 7 years now and I'm afraid I have done too much damage. I cant seem to stop digging a hole for myself.

Please give me some light at the end of the tunnel and people tell me success stories of how they have overcame this. I am scared so much that it is making me determined to get better.

0 Comments Viewed 1105 times
Skull###$ by C.Nic by NicS on Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:56 am
Just a test. Apparently when there is a cuss word in the title, I get move views. Not that I'm a view whore, just thought it was an interesting phenomenon I wanted to check out.

-C.Nic

2 Comments Viewed 34848 times

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