i would love to be able to turn around and tell people im happy...but i want it to be for more than 5 minutes. How are u?? ye, im happy for the next 5 minutes...or i feel $#%^, but in 5 minutes i might feel happy, or wait, maybe in 5 miunutes il feel sad...or u never know, i could even be angry in 5 minutes. Sick of all emotions, i just wanna feel one and be content with feeling it. Sometimes i really just dont see the point in all this. Im fed up!! really truly fed up...i have so many good things in my life so why cant i just be happy...or just content. There so many people in the world who have nothing and nobody...but i do, sometimes...but ...arghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just dont know.

feel really down right now, dont really know why, there is nothing major going on at the moment, no real arguments or problems with anyone...you could say things seem to all be ok...but not in hear, not in my head and heart and stomach

Its like when all the drams, arguments, problems, etc etc are gone , all that remains is me...just me, and maybe this really is the bit i hate most then...and thats just what i got to accept!!

Im really not sure which mood and emotions im feeling right now, but im starting to feel like maybe im going into depression. i hope not. i gotta try not to allow myself to get there.

havent wrote a blog in ages...well it feels like that. dont really know what to write though

I have a hangover today though and have already been sick...well my own fault for thinking it would be a good idea to drink lots of vodka last night...obv not!! got uni later as well, hope im feeling bit better as i dont think i could make it all the way in without needing to be sick...

i need to find some painkillers too coz my head is banging.

I think i need to be sick again...oh please tell me the whole point of drinking!!!

i want to try and start remembering the positive feelings that i am starting to feel...i only seem to remember the negative ones or maybe even only WANT to remember negative ones...so, i am making myself write on a positive day. i even had to make myself put a smile then, i wasnt sure if i wanted to...dont know why, maybe i dont want to be happy, maybe i feel i shouldnt be happy...i dont know why but i made myself put it in anyway so i am seeing that as a positive step.

I have felt very positive about my uni course today...
I have felt more confident today...
I havent wanted to die today or really wanted to think about dying...
I am having a beer this evening in the house just to have a nice beer while watching teli...not for any other reason like to get drunk or im upset or im angry or im confused etc etc...
I appreciate a lot of my personality traits today...

I was just gonna start to write negative things ive thought today too but ive made myself not do that (another positive step).

I feel soooooo rubbish right now...i seem to have been triggered by everything tonight