| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/tmc115/who%CA%B9s_the_real_victim_here%CA%94_b-11325_sid-d54dbd0cbe7a4d32bb01929e655b55f9.html |
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| Author: | tmc115 [ Wed Aug 16, 2017 9:56 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Who's the Real Victim Here? |
Both my mom and her brother have emotional/anger issues. Both are prone to screaming and flying off the handles for little things, but you never know what will set them off. Most of the time they are unfazed by just about anything to the point where they are just ignoring everything. Then when they are forced to deal with the issue they have a very big reaction. My grandmother’s parents lived with gramma, mom, and her brother. Great-grandpa was abusive to great-gramma, often yelling, and having the police involved. My mom and her brother witnessed many of these episodes. Gramma married my grandpa, but he was scum. He came around to knock up my gramma and then left and remarried out of state. My grandma never gave him a divorce, so he was a bigamist (possibly polygamist). My gramma never had consensual sex in her life. Both times she got knocked up. Left alone to raise two kids, with only her messed up parents to help her. It’s been really difficult to try to understand the kind of life mom experienced as a child. I can’t tell how much time she spent with her father or how she felt about her relationships with other family members. Whenever I ask her about it I always get the bad stories. She tells me about the time she was working at a burger place, and her dad came in so she had to impress him. She put extra mayo on his burger, because that was a loving gesture in her house, but he got it and returned it saying it had too much mayo. She told me how much that hurt her, like it was a rejection of her as a daughter. I ask her about her relationship with her brother and she tells me one of them kicked the other in the head. I ask her about the vacations gramma took them on, and I hear about the time she cut her foot, the time she got lice, the time she saw a mouse, etc. I don’t have the whole picture, but from what I’m able to piece together mom was suffering some sort of personality disorder. Everything in her world is set against her, the tragic heroine. I can understand feeling abandoned bc of that burger, but, c’mon, some people don’t like mayo! Did he even know she made the burger? But that story was THE story. “See I had a tragic life.” She would emote to me as she finished the story. She complained about all these things that happened during her vacations, but where were MY vacations? At least gramma cared enough about you to take you places and bond with you. The only times I ever went anywhere far away with mom was: for my stepsister’s gymnastic tournament and Chicago for a family xmas weekend. She suffered eating disorders and she would tell me how she was “fat” in school, but I never saw any picture of her where she was anything but thin. “Well, back then, you know everyone was thinner so…” So if I went back then they’d think a whale sprouted stumpy legs and hobbled onto the land. She never wants to remember the good things. Whenever I ask her about great-gramma she just sortof glosses over it. “She was really nice sweet lady.” Nothing more. She tells me her stories and I sympathize with living with abusive grandparents, and not having a dad around, but I’d still trade places. At least I would’ve had a mom who wanted to be around me, a brother, and friends. I am very torn about my mother’s past. On one hand I see her as a whiner who got more than I ever dreamed, but still complains right to me. On the other hand I see a child suffering with a disorder that could have been corrected if she had gotten the help she needed. |
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