| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/rehtnap/whats_reality_b-7644_sid-e09dd0080fab2bb7b42aadcce3be6a5a.html |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:58 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | whats reality |
today i went for the drug testing ive been attending as requested by mental health doc to be asked whoes paying for this and why you here.its a new company thats taken over and they dont seem very sure of what they are doing. they dont know of false posatives given by certain prescription drugs and the biggest laugh is i found out they havnt been testing for ketamine the drug that got me refered to them. ive just shrugged my shoulders and said not my problem. i havnt touched drugs in months so i know im ok that way but it just got me back to thinking half of these services are a joke. what got to me more was i thought id ring a friend and have a talk about it when i realized there was nobody. i have been trying to keep the last couple of people i though were friends but it dawned on me that the contact is one way and i just have to accept they want to distance themselfs from me. its always ben like that, ive atched on to people hoping to be included but either getting used as a mug or finally working out they didnt want to know me. now i dont trust anyone to be a friend, why would anyone want to know me.now im not arround to mend thier cars or bikes they have forgotten me. they never were friends i just hoped they were. anytime ive neded help they have all been unavailable and i just ignored it as having almost friends was better than nothing.what a sad person i was. the temptation to just start drugs again and opt out of the world is growing. the docs keep asking whats your plans forthe future, and all i think is im hiv,mental health problems, lost my driving licience, suffer fatigue and hate the world i think ill go be a airline pilot. to have to explain to an employer why ive been out of work for 4 years is just going to kill any chance of work the alternative is i fog over the truth and hope they never find out.great i live life scared id be exposed. im open about my transgender issues but im lost as to wether to go ahead with it as it could make me more a recluse and lonley. the choice is i go back to hiding it and put up with the mental stress, it would kill me through drugs trying to blank out the truth living covering up. i follow all the pdocs say i dont know what else to do but now i think they are wondering why ive gone from being an awkward patient to totally compliant. im worse off in my mind,i am just lost and have no answeres for a lot of their question. ive never been right since being young but i just got used to it untill i lost track of myself.i over think things and have tried to force an interest in things to be normal but it always fails.i think soon im just going to loose it completley ive nothing left to loose. |
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