| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/rehtnap/index_sid-e7ef83c68d5c48a9012ca5fef343d716_start-95.html |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:13 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | things are looking better |
if you ever read my posts you will see i have a transgender issue. well the psyc doc has said if i stay stable on this new med he will refere me to a gender clinic. i want to be stable before i undertake this but i want it so much.i really want to kick off my old life and the people i knew,i dont think any of them would understand. i might be selfish but this is for me and i dont want negative people round me. im so scared the moods will ruin it for me but im trying to comply 100% with all the docs want. i have to kick the caffeine and now i have a bit more of a reason. im hoping with me more settled in my role i will also get more confidence as none of it will be false. |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Sun Oct 26, 2014 6:40 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | fed up |
the giving up caffeine went backwards,i was feeling grotty and tired with the meds im on so i had a cup, then another and soon was hyper. been like that for a few days but trying to get a grip on it. spent money i cant afford and generally been on a false high. realized that the few friends i thought i had left are all keeping their distance. i email them and they poitly reply but then nothing. sod them all,i realize its me trying to be thier friend and im not wanted. feel like ive been a mug over the years,all they wanted was something for nothing and when i wanted help they go quiet. hope they rot in hell. looks like im by myself wouldnt trust any of them now. they always have a second motive if they contact me at all. i dont see much of a future for me,i seem to get up to take pills to wait for bedtime. im so tired of my failures and moods i cant be bothered anymore. i can go days without talking to anyone and now i get to where i dont want to talk as its usually small talk and a waste of time. |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Thu Oct 16, 2014 6:14 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | caffeine |
ive got to quit all caffeine im more sensative to it than i thought. i never used to be but now i crash like hell if i have more than a weak cup of coffee. the high is also wierd its more than it should be. i am tired a lot with the meds im on so the temptation to have an energy drink ect to perk me up is not good for me. ive realized i grind my teeth a lot when ive had a coffee. the crash sends me to a place i dont like. ive realized i have to take time to adjust to the new drugs and stop trying to over do things. its so hard accepting things arnt as they were. i wanted to belive that the caffeine was the root of all my problems,it would be so easy but i think ive just become more sensative to it,it never had the effects it does now. i have other problems i know,its wishfull thinking that one thing is the cause. i think the desire for the high when im feeling exhausted kept overuling the fact i was getting bad after effects. i have to be stronger and quit for good all things with caffeine in them and see what the results are. im not looking forward to the next week or so without caffeine but im sick of the crashes. |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Wed Oct 15, 2014 11:03 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | why me |
im trying to face up to a hard decision. i havnt worked as such since 2010 and i have to get back to work as the money is nearly gone and i dont want to be on benefits as where i live at the moment i couldnt afford it. with the current meds im on i have side effects like fatigue that would make it hard to hold a job down so im looking at stopping the 3 drugs the mental health doc put me on and put up with the mood swings and the other problems. im stuck between a rock and a hard place but i have to eat and pay bills and on benefits i just couldnt do that. there is a third option of just getting so blitzed on drugs i dont wake up. i keep thinking nothing else in life can go wrong but it does. i have no friends who care, i have to sort myself out and im tired. i cant concentrate for long theres too much to think about without answeres. i feel so alone im stopping caring about life,a ll the people i knew who i thought might help have not. imy moods drove most people away and when i contracted hep c on top of hiv it was like being a lepper. i had the treatment for the hep and cured it but the stigma sticks. it also makes you keep people at a distance incase you slip up and they find out. you get to hate yourself, you lie when people ask what the tablets are for and why you look ill. in some ways having treatment for the moods isnt good as it makes you ponder the hiv ect more. before when manic i wouldnt care and when down it didnt bother me. ive run out of drive other than to eat and pay the bills life holds nothing more for me. no money to do anything and no one to enjoy it with. ive always been different with bits of different mental problems but now i dont know who i am |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Wed Oct 15, 2014 7:14 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | suspicious |
ive been seeing the mental health psyc but i have a weird feeling im being led on. somethings not right. i think he suspects there is something more to me than i have let on but he cant work it out. i dont know what to do for the future, everything seems fruitless. i seem to have run out of friends when i was nolonger any use to them. silly calling them friends they were just using me. the sort that offer help but if you ask they are always buisy, well to hell with them. i dont trust anyone anymore theres always a sneaky reason for their interest and i fall for it. |
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