| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/redrob/index_sid-dc080648346c1b0578d257c28cf5f0c6.html |
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| Author: | redrob [ Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:45 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Attracting the same men. Again and again and again |
So. The new friend I aquired is not connected to any of my other friends. It was a hobbies group. So it was completely random that he befriended me. But hell, out of all the fb pages in the world, he stumbled into mine. It's been a little more than a week and it's been like a fairground ride. Up, down. Declarations of love, loyalty, compliments, affection, laughter and lightness, then it goes dark. Demanding. Emotional manipulation, pressure upon me to do what he wants. Jealousy, guilt trips. Emotional breakdowns that I am 'needed for. Crying. Anger. Wow. He sounds a little like me! Has the borderline attracted the borderline?! A couple of friends have said 'just block him', but I can't as I would feel very mean. I hate rejecting people as much as I hate being rejected. Plus he is not bad all of the time....famous last words, lol. At least he is in another country, he can't kidnap me and hide me away in caaptivity. Can he? I guess when the friendship is more work than fun then I will consider ending it. My ex and my new friend share many of the same qualities and personality characteristics. The men I seem to become involved with on a friendship level and beyond seem to have common traits. They should be red flags to me by now. 1. Addiction 2. Falls in love quick and hard 3. Falls out of love quick and hard 4. Creative. Usually musician 5. Romantic 6. Highly intelligent 7. Mentally unstable ( if not drug /alcohol induced.) to some degree 8. Sensitive, loving, free spirited 9. Who have been hurt and have trust issues 10. Charming, witty and usually good looking 11. One ups you on everything. You tell a story, they have aa better one. 11. Not as self assured as they portray 12. Constantly needing reassurance of their worth 13. Who want you to be as excited about their interests them as they are 14. But don't take any interest in yours 15. Who talk over me and don't let me say my piece. 16. seems to thrive on emotional turmoil 17. Innappropriately dramatic reactions to seemingly inconseqential events 18. Who split between adoring me and detesting me 19. Who put conditions upon a friendship that I have no say in 20. Who believe they are owed something (by me, other people, the world) 21. Believes they are more hard done by than others. 22. Prone to sulking/tantrums when they don't get what they want. Does anyone else find they are meeting the same people over and over? |
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| Author: | redrob [ Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:30 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | I am a real sucker |
For attention it seems. Maybe for love For affection Just some kind of connection Words are easy to drop like jewels the real deal? just sparkly enough to appeal He points at the sky And asks what I see Then asks me to tell him Its green even if its not he says say it for me |
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| Author: | redrob [ Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:14 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | The Day I Tried to Live |
I cannot take credit for this but it keeps talking to me I woke the same as any other day Except a voice was in my head It said seize the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade And watch the rolling heads The day I tried to live I stole a thousand beggar's change And gave it to the rich The day I tried to win I dangled from the power lines And let the martyrs stretch Singing One more time around Might do it One more time around Might make it One more time around Might do it One more time around The day I tried to live Words you say never seem To live up to the ones Inside your head The lives we make Never seem to ever get us anywhere But dead The day I tried to live I wallowed in the blood and mud with All the other pigs I woke the same as any other day you know I should have stayed in bed The day I tried to live I wallowed in the blood and mud with All the other pigs And I learned that I was a liar Just like you -Soundgarden |
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| Author: | redrob [ Tue Dec 06, 2016 8:34 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | A man wrote me poetry |
We have only just met thru fb. He lives in another country. He seems to have an intense interest in and though I am intrigued I am not naive enough to take it all too seriously. But it feels nice to be attractive to someone. "insert my real name' Thank you sweet little sad. Some semblance to confidence Is restored. Still holding sweet I may actually attempt to speak Telepathy doesn't work I guess. I have no idea how to do this So advice is kind To the uninformed Every love I've led Has been given back in surprised Return That was not studied cool I lost that book and skipped class I'm glad they assumed I just ate Every love I've led Was with women who had a brow That did not pretend to unwant I thought they were out of my league This terror appeared to be intrigue. Thank ###$ for that I've never considered to lock this box Because my heart Is especially intended for thieves I'm only delighted to end the suspense Because instead of cold What each discovered inside Was something I'd saved To keep us warm. So now that I've been scolded That I'm both beautiful and interesting For the umpteenth time I buy it for a dollar But will someone help? How to I gift it to a specific life Instead of someone seduced long ago Into believing they deserve all they want? How do I approach The long overdue in this world And tell a woman who towers over the ground And remind she need not Always need to have her eyes Inconvenienced there That unless she's hatching her next evil plot Or delicious in deep thought Please feel free to include Deciding what she wants me to deliver. And that from now on Clearing away the debris by hand Or interior places that may be hazy from wear By clumsy paws I can clearly see are inferior to her Are now is her man's life work? |
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| Author: | redrob [ Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:00 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | just a dip or am I falling? |
Depression. Something I was diagnosed with and prescribed anti-depressants for in my early twenties. I am now in my early forties and still being treated for depression and anxiety. There have been periods of time - a year here or there where I have gotten off them but soon enough I will find my joie de vivre slipping away. I dropped my dosage perhaps 2 months ago and perhaps I have been a little hasty considering the hellish year and the recent breakup. I notice that perhaps I am becoming depressed when I stop singing in the car or the shower, showering is a chore, waking up is hard, getting to sleep is hard. I smoke too much pot (despite knowing it is probably adding to things). Energy levels drop to that of someone physically ill. I start to retreat and become insular. I have even noticed recently that I have reverted back to single player video games rather than those with interaction. Starving oneself to be thin. Using benzos to make me numb. Any drug offered I will accept without question except alcohol, opiates and hallucinagens. I haven't written in this blog for a few days as I guess I haven't wanted to acknowledge that perhaps I am not quite right at the moment. I mean not that anyone reads it even. It's just something I wanted to do for myself but somehow it felt kind of vain or something. Chucking all my ideas into the ether as if anything I say has never been said before. Despite the 28 day achievement, I have had moments of missing him and wondering if he is OK. Remembering a time when things were so magical. I even let myself shed tears over him. I don't want to become vulnerable to contacting him. I know it is way too soon (if ever) and I need to recover. So I guess I will put the effexor back to 225mg. I don't know. I am sick of meds but without them I am sick. |
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