| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/redrob/a_confession_as_i_hit_a_milestone_b-10470.html |
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| Author: | redrob [ Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:11 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | A confession as I hit a milestone |
In 7 minutes I will hit the magic number of days to make or break a habit. 28 days. There seems to be some kind of truth in it, whether it's the placebo effect or if it is scientific fact. I definitely feel much less inclination to contact him and I am not spending so much time thinking of him. I think the key to not thinking about him so much is to be busy. In the last week things have changed dramatically in my need to have contact with him, coincidentally I went out and socialised for the first time this year - twice in the last week! That means I have been keeping this blog with a regularity I often don't possess. I enjoy it. It is cathartic for me and hopefully not too boring for you. Some of you are aware of my situation but I have not really been completely transparent about the wider picture. So this is my time where I come clean and confess the thing I really dislike about my life and I expect some of you will think I am not a good person and judge me but I know that these are exceptional circumstances. . So the ex I am 26 days and 9 seconds free of was an extra-marital affair. It started 2 years ago, then my husband got cancer in February and the affair took a back seat. I saw him once or twice this year but only when my husband was in hospital. This sounds awful but it's complex. I married some 10 years ago and though we had been together many years before, we separated shortly into marriage. We stayed friends, had other relationships even, we had occasionally slept together from time to time. In 2009, my (separated) husband suffered a massive stroke. He had to learn to walk, talk, eat, write......basically everything we do he had to relearn. He was my best friend as well as everything else and of course I was at the hospital every day and also during the six month rehab. It was, needless to say, heart breaking at times. Such an awful thing to bring us back together yet he couldn't remember being married or even my name for some weeks. The Drs didn't know how much recovery to expect, but he is amazing. He is now walking, talking, does everything independently. The effects of the stroke that are most awful is that he was a keyboard/organ player but now does not have the dexterity. Also he has no interest in sex and even if he did, it doesn't work. We tried a couple of times but it was awkward and unsuccessful and made him feel bad he could not satisfy me. But the thing is, I felt strange doing it with someone I had literally spoon fed and helped to walk. I can't explain it. It just felt sort of wrong. So the last time my husband and I had sex was November 2008. Before the stroke. In 2014, having been completely celibate for 6 years, I decided that I needed an intimate relationship. Two years ago I reconnected with my first love from 20 years ago. We started to see each other. I always felt guilt about the affair but at the same time it made me feel like a sexually attractive woman again. Needless to say the wait was worth it. It was great. I didn't mean to fall in love. Then this year my husband got diagnosed with Cancer. My lover was supportive I admit. But he kinda had to take a side step as the cancer was serious, stage 4 and I had to keep my best friend and husband alive. So through all the ups and downs of the affair I just had to keep a game face even when it was hurting like hell but it is a small price to pay for what I did. Don't get me wrong. I love him dearly and will do anything to protect him from any needless pain. Some of you might think I should tell my husband but even my Dr agreed that it would be damaging to his sense of worth and manliness, he would feel inadequate, 'less than' and he is none of those things, he is an amazing person who has come out of chemo/radio and looks like will beat the disease, fingers crossed. So that's my confession. |
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