| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/peaklite/index_sid-f11b9e57a68d78f8ead1c37d6de104a6_start-35.html |
|
| Author: | peaklite [ Sun Sep 04, 2016 11:04 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Life update |
So I got into university with AAB which is great, I can't wait to meet new people and live away from home for a while, it will be a new start which is good in my opinion. So recently I've been smoking quite a lot of weed. Me and my girlfriend argued and came to an agreement I can smoke with my friends but it causes a lot more tension than it's worth... It was much easier just lying to her and smoking in secret, but I guess this is what I have to pay. She caught me smoking a cigarette on someone's snapchat and I told her it was a one time thing but I wanted to be able to smoke with my friends. She says "if you loved me and you know I hate it why would you smoke" but it's the same way around for me... if you loved me why wouldn't you just accept me for how I am. I like drugs, and I function without them as shown by the fact I'm not a failure and have gotten into my dream university. I also tried MDMA (probably a research chemical or PMA) and it was pretty good, made me really talkative. I find myself craving weed a lot so I'm going to try and have a break for a while. I've started watching some anime again, re:zero was really great so far and was suggested to me by a Chinese friend I have. I've had nothing to do for the past 3 months or so since school ended so I'm excited to go to university where I'll meet people with more similar interests to me such as gaming, anime, and general geek stuff. I still will keep my current friends as I feel like we're very loyal and close at the moment, but they're at home and I'll be away. Recently I haven't been dreaming much which kind of sucks, I tried a few lucid dreaming techniques and failed, on the other hand I haven't dreamed of my ex recently which is good and I feel like she's kind of moved out of my heart now, although I'll remember her forever. I'm probably too busy with the problems with my current gf. As I said before, she's the jealous one now even by my standards, she can be controlling and I always fight back because I refuse to be dictated but that results in tension and the blame on me for being a horrible boyfriend when the whole situation could be solved if I wasn't smoking pretty much. I also realised I'm a pretty horrible person and a hypocrite. I love my girlfriend a lot but when arguing with her I realised I have no more arguments for why I did certain things (nothing like cheating) and my responses indicated I just don't care. I won't lie, I find it hard to care about the issue she's so upset about. But I do care about her. |
|
| Author: | peaklite [ Thu Jun 23, 2016 2:26 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Blog Post |
Went through and looked at all my blog posts from the past couple years and read them all, it's crazy how much of my life it covers really considering this bit is the most important bit of my life so far. Had another dream with ex girlfriend who you can read about from my first post in 2014, crazy how long someone can stick in your mind. In my dream I kind of just gave her the evil eyes, but then kind of missed her, it's an annoying and shameful feeling when I wake up. Relationship is going generally well. The problem is that I don't want to settle down, mainly because I want to do drugs but she disagrees with that. Honestly, the relationship would be perfect but /her/ jealousy is the problem now, it's like the role from 2014-2015 has been switched. I'm going to university hopefully in September where temptations will be high. If I'm honest though I've already lied to my girlfriend because I've done drugs a couple times despite telling her I haven't, I feel guilty but then again her policy is stupid with no logic or room for compromise behind it. I love my girlfriend, but she's also irrational and immature. If I had the strength, I would have broken up with her by now because she goes against everything I've said before, but when you love someone you can't just leave them. I can't imagine her crying because of me breaking up with her as it would crush her. I love you, and I know I need you, but I can't bring myself to want you mentally. My final exam is tomorrow at 9am and here i am at 3:30am writing a blog post. I think everything has gone okay so far though. If I don't get into university I'll be pretty crushed but still, I have other options. I do wanna go live student life though. In terms of jealousy I feel like I've improved over the years by far, I still can get jealous if my girlfriend blatantly breaks my own rules of jealousy but it doesn't come by in natural thoughts as often because I feel more secure with myself. |
|
| Author: | peaklite [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:32 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | update |
not much going on tbf exams fam |
|
| Author: | peaklite [ Wed May 25, 2016 9:01 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Bad |
I'm sad and angry I feel and almost hope it's coming to an end now. Hopefully she breaks it off because I don't think I have it in me to My gut feeling usually ends up being right and I feel like it's almost over |
|
| Author: | peaklite [ Sat May 21, 2016 1:28 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Schools nearly over |
Wow, it's hard to believe how far I've come since first starting this blog. School ends in a weeks time, forever. 13 years of school and I'm going into the big world, but still education because university... I'm feeling more confident about getting the grades required, so that's a plus. I think I've started to develop OCD. I've got very ingrained into certain things recently, maybe due to the stress of life at the moment. For example, I close the door downstairs after turning off all the lights but I'll come back and open it to make sure. If I don't I feel like a stressful feeling in my head. I also have developed kind of ticks, where I do a physical thing over and over again. Relationshipwise everything is going fine on the outside, but despite me loving her and seeing how perfect she is I can't get over the fact she hates drugs and also is incredibly moody at times. This may be a factor in the end of our relationship one day. It doesn't look good, because I can't see us being together forever even though I love her so much. |
|
| All times are UTC | |
Powered by phpBB © 2002, 2006 phpBB Group www.phpbb.com |
|