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passingthrough
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what's going on: my first blog
   Fri Jan 02, 2015 11:16 am

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what's going on: my first blog

Permanent Linkby passingthrough on Fri Jan 02, 2015 11:16 am

I am getting negative impressions right now about doing this, and my emotions and thoughts are causing me to feel really bad about doing this. It's evil, this thing in my head that condemns me for every little thing i do, and tells me whether it's good or bad.
what is bad about this?
am i paranoid that someone that i know will see it, as my head just told me.
my head tells me all sorts of things.
i am soooo longing to connect with someone that understands and my head is causing me so much pain and is saying that this isn't the way to do it.

this is causing so much anxiety for me and i'm fearful that i'll be rejected by you who is reading this and fear that no one will read it (maybe i should just pretend someone is reading it for some comfort; i know God hears me; maybe i should just pray instead)
i'm afraid someone will respond to me that will cause me harm or lead me down a bad path or to a false belief and i'm paranoid about offending the reader right now.

see how messed up i am?

am i just wanting attention? this is what a loved one has told me, someone very, very close to me, whom i won't say who it is for his/her protection.

i've got this person in my brain that i have identified as God for a long time, even before i had my psychotic break in 2003 and was put in a hospital. ip was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, eating disorder, hyperreligiosity, and ocd.

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